A cruise for someone who hates cruises

[Spampas]

OK - I know I sound like a total snob here, but we all have different preferences. Each to their own etc.

Many years ago I went on a P&O cruise. HUGE ship rammed to the gills with thousands of people. Casinos everywhere. Food, food, food, food, food. Booze, booze, booze. Swirly carpets. Bling and showy. Shit entertainment from yesteryear. Hated it.

Maybe it's changed since then but the experience I had put me off big time, especially at the price of it. But I like the idea of cruising. I want something smaller, I am interested in more cultural / intellectual stuff. Not into the bling and the lights. Does such a thing exist?

If you want something small and nature orientated, how about https://www.newscientist.com/tours/darwins-galapagos/

Agree with these recommendations.

River cruises are more akin to a coach tour, if that appeals to you.

I’ve loved the going to dinner in jeans - lovely relaxed atmosphere and good food. I liked knowing the food was locally sourced.

"River cruises are more akin to a coach tour, if that appeals to you."

Wrong, a floating 4/5* hotel is accurate.

"I'll give a shout out for Marella Cruises."

The worst holiday of my life.

Tui-on-sea.

OK if your idea of entertainment is Bingo & getting drunk at 10.00.
Excursions were very badly organised.
We sent back our dinners on 3 days - thank goodness we were only there for 7.

Just reporting my personal experience, it's not 'wrong'.
I found it to be like a coach tour. i.e. each day doing a guided walking tour at 9am and 2pm with the whole ship. Dining with the same people. Whole boat meeting each evening to be given plans for next day.
The boat / rooms etc. were lovely but the experience, to me, was more like a coach tour vs a cruise ship.
Which is fine is that's what the traveller wants, just good to know what it is like IMO.

Noble Caledonia, British Company - two ships Island Sky and Hebridean Sky. About 100 passengers. NO dancing girls, no wall-to-wall food,No shopping, no bingo or other enticements to screw more money from you. Intelligent speakers, interesting itineraries. On the big ships the ship is THE destination and where they go is almost incidental. With Noble Cal the A and B are the important bits and the ship is a comfortable way of getting from A to B. No extras, all excursions included unlike big ships. No allocated seating at mealtimes, no dressing up for meals. The small ship means you can get to places the big ships can’t go or don’t go because there are no facilities for them- like 35 buses!! The small ship can go alongside whereas tendering 150 at a time from a big ship just adds to the time to disembark/embark. IF there are local fgood delicacies then the small ship can buy, say, 5 kg of a special treat for the ship but try and cater for 1000+ pax and there is no chance of this. Apart from the pollution aspect of a monster vessel overpowering any resources of a small place. Of all cruise companies NC has an incredible repeat customer base which must tell you something.

Nothing like my experiences at all - 15 river cruises in total.
Usually transported - coach, train, tuk-tuk, rickshaw, small boats - occasionally a walking tour. Often all day with lunch in a local restaurant.
I'm curious to know which company this was - to avoid at all costs.

Hurtigruten, especially during the polar winter. They do have a competitor now in Havila, same route though.

The ship was great, it doesn't need avoiding, but the style of trip was not for me. I like small ship ocean cruising. We are all different, it's good to be aware of a variety of experiences IMO!

I also disagree with the coach tour comparison. Have done a couple of river cruises with Viking and a large variety of trips: some included and some extra, all the information for the following day is on the leaflet delivered to your room so no need to attend an evening meeting if you don’t want to and its easy to explore on your own as you usually dock within walking distance of city/town centre.
When we were in Vienna, for example, we did part of the walking tour then took the metro to explore Schoenbrunn and Upper Belvedere by ourselves and then took the metro back to the ship in time for dinner.
There is only one sitting for the evening meal and one restaurant but plenty of choice, regional specialities and no need to sit with the same people every night, unless you want to!

So you didn’t get any sea sickness on your cruise boat then? That’s one of the things that would worry me.

We did a Croatia small boat cruise with Jules Verne. You etc walking tours with local guides, but no lectures etc on board. Max 39 passengers, you eat around round tables (sit where you want) so need to be sociable. The cabins look basic but actually have all you need. There are many of these small boats so they often anchor parallel to each other and you walk across the boats.
We enjoyed it, the only downside was early engine noise on 2 mornings. No choice of meals but we didn't mind, and we made some great friends.

My relative just got back from a p&o Scandinavian cruise. She took painting classes had spa treatments and had very civilised looking tours. it wasn't cheap but she had a lovely time definitely nothing tacky.

Well, the bars don't open until 10am, so hard to imagine how anyone could possibly be drunk at that time.

You must be incredibly fussy to send your dinners back three times. You'd think you'd learn after the first time what you don't like. What exactly was wrong with your food three times?

We have only ever used excursions for onward travel, eg to Rome or Florence. Everything worked ticketedy boo. There is some reliance on third party suppliers and local traffic - same with any cruise line.

Have you actually been on a Marella cruise?

I recommend Scenic river or ocean cruises or Celebrity Retreat.

Cambodia/Vietnam for sure.

That’s why we only cruise with Viking.

love Viking!

This is on my wishlist

If you want a cruise that is really different to a mainstream cruise you need to think really small, and depending on where you want to go and your budget potentially even an expedition cruise.

I enjoy all types of cruise as I love being at sea, but as I've got older I tend to veer away from large ships with entertainment etc.

I like Silversea / Viking etc but to me they are very much still a traditional cruise albeit smaller and of a good standard. To get completely away from that I'd look at Variety Cruises, Aranui in French Polynesia, Ponant etc - when I win the lottery I'll go for Aqua Expeditions!

River cruises are a good option but like with anything you get what you pay for, so Ama would be less 'bus like' than Riviera for example. You also don't have to do the excursions if you don't want to.
Also I'd completely disagree that a dress code is the way to identify a quality cruise - in general the more expensive and boutique cruise lines are more relaxed than P&O for example. You won't see anyone in a tracksuit but at the other end of the scale you're unlikely to see much formal wear either!

I agree about dress codes, the strictest dress code on a ship I’ve encountered was on P&O which is cheap and cheerful. When I travel on Scenic or for example Celebrity Retreat there is nice dress code and I guess it’s smart casual or even a bit more casual in the evenings.

Sun princess

Absolutely - the more you pay the more you're treated like someone who can be trusted to make your own clothing choices!

Ref dress codes, Silversea and Regent both have an enforced dress code and they are ££££