Working mums

[msta]

hello, does anybody else get extreme mum guilt whilst they work? I’m working full time, the last two weeks I’ve worked 65 hours per week and I think this is why I’m feeling horrendous. During the school holidays, but we have a very close family so he has been on fun days out every day. This week has hit me hard thinking on how much I’m missing whilst I’m at work. My son’s dad passed away so it’s on me to earn the money. I don’t usually work this much, we are going away end of August so I’m trying to save as much as I can for us to go away so we can have fun with what he wants to do. Can anybody relate ? My son is 9. Thank you. Please no judgement just trying my best

I worked like a dog when my daughter was that age and younger (also single mum) and really only saw her properly on our holidays and weekends (had a live-in nanny and she went to my parents a lot). I felt absolutely constant guilt over it, but she's now 15 and we're super close and she has great memories of all the fun holidays we went on together. You have to do what you have to do and kids will remember the nice memories you make together going on holidays.

How difficult for you. I completely understand that guilt. I work full time, my child is 3 but at full time nursery. Have an hour with them in the evenings to cook, eat and get sorted for bed, and they are with dad every other weekend so I feel my quality time with them is so limited. But I’m doing what I can to provide for us which is the most important thing. I do make time for holidays in the year to enjoy quality time away from work, that’s all I can do.
You’re doing your absolute best, just enjoy the precious time you do have. Switch off from work when you have that time set aside to be with your child and enjoy that connection together. You’re doing a wonderful job…

Thank you so much for your kind words. I instantly feel a bit better. It sounds like you worked so much as well, but it’s only for them and they can have/do nice things. It sounds like you’ve done a brilliant job. That’s it, I have to work so we can do these nice things. Thank you so much. I think its always harder in the holidays (for us) as when he’s at school we don’t realise as much x

@CC222it is just so hard! Bless you, same for you. It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job and great advice about switching off and just enjoying it when you’re away, I hope you take your own advice! Defiantly worth it when they have nice holidays, nice presents. It’s all because of what we do to provide for them. Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you know you’re doing an amazing job as well. It is tricky if away alternative weekends but makes your time more precious when you’re with them X

@XelaMThank you so much for your kind words. I instantly feel a bit better. It sounds like you worked so much as well, but it’s only for them and they can have/do nice things. It sounds like you’ve done a brilliant job. That’s it, I have to work so we can do these nice things. Thank you so much. I think its always harder in the holidays as when he’s at school we don’t realise as much cause we’re not missing out on a big chunk of their day x

Thank you ♥️ My child and I have a little ritual of going to the shop after nursery on a Friday to pick out a magazine that comes with a toy, so we end the working week on a little special thing that they look forward to all week long, even on the weeks they’re with dad, it’s something nice to go do together each week. Or we get a cheap book from the supermarket which I then read to him in the evenings. Doesn’t take long or cost much. But maybe you can incorporate a little weekly ritual with your child, something they enjoy/like that doesn’t have to take much time or cost much, but so you feel like you both have something to look forward to that’s age appropriate for them. Maybe a little morning walk on the weekend or out go grab a hot chocolate one evening a week or a movie night. Something each week that is just for you two.
Buying these magazines with little toys really seems like nothing, but we play for the next few days with those little toys together and create connection through that.
These little things are tiny moments in our lives, but create core memories in their lives ♥️

I get really bad mum guilt about working in the holidays. I work 30 hours but its still hard. I have DS8 and DD3.

When I'm finding it hard, I try to focus on the positives of the time I do get to spend with my children and the experiences we have. I always book 1 big day out a summer (theme park/harry potter studios/night away sort of thing) with my DS - just the two of us sort of thing. My DH does another with him on his own as well.
And remind myself he actually does enjoy holiday clubs with his friends and the time he spends with my parents. He has a great summer holidays overall.

Lone parent for 15 years here I totally get it. I worked my arse off the early years especially and it paid off career wise. Enjoy the holiday time and weekends. Even if it’s just going to the park after work or out for a walk whilst they are on the scooter. Guilt is a pointless emotion honestly, it’s not productive.
Try and be proud of yourself and know your DC will grow up independent and resilient and adore you for everything you have done.

I hope whatever holiday you have planned it’s a wonderful one.

I worked full time since my son was 18 months
My kids are now 19 and 17 and when I mention not being the school mum etc they just remember the fun stuff and how me working meant we did nice things, my daughter at 17 said mum why do you feel guilty we were fine with it, if only she had said that 15 years earlier
So hold in there ladies kids are way more resilient and adaptive to their situations than we think

No advice but I think you’re doing an amazing job and instilling in your child a fantastic work ethic and resilience. I hope you have a wonderful holiday together

I am sorry about your loss. It is so hard being a parent, a lot of guilt through the years. I worried I was working too much and sometimes now I apologise to my three. Yet they say they don’t think I did work a lot ( I did). They all have very happy memories of school holidays and days out to the seaside at the weekends and when I had al.
When I was working where possible I started early so that I could get home sooner. We would pile in the car and go off to the seaside, woods, swimming, park whatever. Had a pic nic tea or bags of chips and come home late.

@CC222that is a brilliant idea, your child will always remember that too, I think memories are so important ❤️ we always try and do something fun in our time together, that is a really good idea and he loves the children’s magazine so I think I’ll go with that one! If once these crazy hours are out of the way this should be the last week (for a while) we should be able to get into a routine with getting one on a set day. I think the set day makes it exciting for them and like you say something to look forward too. Thank you so much ❤️

@SJM1988i think when it’s you, you feel horrendous and when you’re reading though people’s comments you really do realise how hard we are on ourselves! I am trying to give reassuring advice when I’ve been feeling the exact same! But honestly please try not to feel guilty it sounds like they have a lovely holidays and most probably looks forward to it. The fact you’re working and providing is amazing and it’s tiring. Sounds like doing absolutely amazing. Xx

You are clearly a great mum. Don’t waste time feeling guilty and enjoy your holiday when it arrives. We are all made to feel guilty as mothers - one way or another!

@jeaux90thank you for commenting and sharing how it is when they’re a bit older. Well done for your career and getting where you want to be. 🥰 you are so right about the guilt, it is pointless it doesn’t change anything. Thank you so much again, yeah we do spend a lot of time doing bike rides and going for days out and why I can do that is because i work, which will be the same for everybody else on here. Thank you very much we’re very looking forward to it and excited to spend some quality time together x

@Piratebadgerwow bless you, it’s a lot and so tricky to balance but you did it! It is definitely worth it and what amazing memories you will all have. You’re right, kids are more resilient than we think, they adapt. When I was younger my family worked and I didn’t ever think anything bad I just remember the good times. Thank you so much for commenting and supporting x

@DipsyDeethank you so much for your kind words, all we can do is our best at the end of the day. Yeah I agree it’s very important to show your children about work ethic and hopefully he will grow up realising it was all for him and how important it is. Thank you very much, I’m really looking forward to it. Have you got anywhere planned?

@JillMWfirst of all thank you, it is so tricky! Sometimes you just feel like your pulled in a million directions. It sounds like you all had fun during the holidays etc. it sounds very much like what we like to do on our days off together, being outdoors. That’s always helpful when you could come back earlier, sounds like you did a great job. Thank you for your support xx

Dear girl Don’t beat yourself up, you are doing your best and being a brilliant role model for your son. Shortly you’ll be with him on holiday and making all those lovely memories that stay forever. Being a parent is a one way guilt trip- be kind to yourself.

@HiddenRiverthank you so much. All we do is try our best, you’re right, if we didn’t work we would feel bad we can’t do the things we would like and if we work to much we feel guilty! We will all get there ❤️ we are really looking forward to it, thank you! X

One other thing OP remember we are also role models on work ethic and parenting and you are doing brilliantly at that. Make sure you also get some time out on holiday. My DD actually loved the kids clubs and it gave me a couple of hours to just also be myself. We lose our identities a little through work/being a lone parent, we are always being something to someone. It’s also important to try and just Be.

I was a single mum due to divorce and for a period ExH left the mainland so had limited contact with DD. Through out this time I worked long hours in my own business that was a 24/7 business.
We had wonderful holidays not necessarily expensive, but whilst I was away I was hers. We did some amazing things and I made sure I made time for DD.
She is grown, I sold my business, but I still make time for her. We have really close relationship - I was the first person she phoned yesterday when something incredible happened in her working life.
I look at he now working and know that she is following my example she is a strong, hard working woman in her field.

I feel exactly the same, I question my decision to work full time every single morning that I drop my children to nursery. But I mirror what a lot of other mums have said that our jobs is what pays the bills and for holidays and experiences, and let’s be honest what do you remember from childhood? It’s all the fun memories! I make sure one evening during the week is a fun night (picnic in park/ walks etc) and the minute I log off on a Friday it’s all about my kids. I used to work reduced hours and the time with my children wasn’t “quality” it was more the day to day grind, so it’s a big change but I value the time with them so much more! You’re doing your best and you’re an inspiration to your boy! X