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Original poster

Should I invite my mum on holiday?

14 replies

chickenlickenn · 08/08/2025 00:48

Me and my husband are planning on going to Disney world later this year. We go on holiday roughly once every 5 years. I’m unsure if to invite my mum, who we have been with before but with another family member.

im worried it could be an odd dynamic being me, my partner and my mum. For context - my partner gets on extremely well with my mum but I’m just worried it could be awkward.

My mum has had a really rough few years and I know how much she will benefit from going away. She is 71 but a young 71. I hate the thought of her missing out but I just don’t know if it would work as a 3. I planned for us to go as a family in a couple of years if me and my husband had a child (unfortunately this is proving more difficult than I imagined so this is likely a last trip before attempting ivf).

Has anyone else gone away with this dynamic?

Thank you

OP posts:
OopsNoHoliday · 08/08/2025 05:45

What a lovely idea OP. I hope my dd grows up to be as thoughtful as you.

I honestly think the best thing is to gently ask your mum how she’d feel about going on any holiday with you and then in particular a holiday like that.

my thoughts are:
It is a very long journey, can you afford premium economy?
Has she done a trip like this before - for some people Disney is trip of a lifetime and for others, not so fussed.
Would you stay on resort or somewhere else?

if you are somewhere that she can be relatively independent then you can get some space from each other. Also your mum might not have the same energy to run across parks at rope drop and take on the big rides - how would that dynamic work?

if you only go on holiday once every five years, if I was your mum I wouldn’t want to gatecrash your trip to Disney. I’d refuse so you can have a break as a couple.

What I’d do in your shoes is shorten my Disney trip by two days or otherwise strip cost out of the Disney trip, and use the savings to take your mum away on a long weekend - perhaps a long weekend in Valencia or even a cheap out of season week in Greece.

Linenpickle · 08/08/2025 06:09

Would she go on the rides or mind waiting? Why do do a separate short trip fur just you and her?

thedevilinablackdress · 08/08/2025 08:22

Would she enjoy Disney? It can be quite full on even for a fit and active 71 year old.
Also think about time what during the holiday, if someone wanted to wander off for time alone, this is probably easier somewhere with a beach and a town or village.

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 08/08/2025 08:27

I think it's a lovely idea. My only thing would be would you be ok with her basically tagging along with everything, it depends what kind of person you are. I guess I'd hold back doing something i wanted if I thought she might not want to do something. Or would she be fairly independent? That would be my advice in terms of what to consider. I've done trips with both parents in the past, so that's the only constraint I felt. They were great trips though, and I have no regrets.

Mauvehoodie · 08/08/2025 08:28

That’s so lovely of you. I also get on really well with my mum but I think if it was me I’d keep the Disneyland holiday for you and your partner and try and book a cheap break just you and your mum somewhere?

if you think a bigger trip with 3 of you could work in future then I’d test the dynamic first with a weekend away or similar.

Disney world is so expensive and active, if the dynamic was off and you all had a slightly mediocre trip, it’d be a huge shame.

booksnpepsimax · 08/08/2025 08:31

I’d just add most rides are two people sat next to each other, would you rotate who sat together so she wasn’t always sat on her own? As that could make her feel left out

Mischance · 08/08/2025 08:36

I am a MIL. I have been on holiday several times with family - a couple of times as big family events, and other times with just one of my DC and their family. It has always been fine - but I do make sure that I do not hold them back in any way, and also that I child-sit, cook the odd meal etc. so I am able to help them.

This year I was asked to go with them again and had it all planned, but a heart attack and a stent and a pacemaker cramped my style more than a bit and I made the decision to cancel, not because I did not think I would enjoy it but because I was aware that they would worry about me and have to factor this in to their holiday, which I wanted to be a proper break for them to relax in.

It would be important to talk with your Mum about the nature of the holiday - the traipsing around in crowds and waiting for rides etc. Honestly I would not choose to do that - did plenty in my time and enough is enough!

Coffeeishot · 08/08/2025 08:47

I wouldn't want to go on holiday to Disney with my Dds and partners i went when they were kids, I would feel it is intrusive and its a busy holiday so its rushing about, and i probably couldn't be bothered and would feel obligated. I have been on other holidays with them though.

Anyway I think you need to see if your mum wants to go she might not want to.

Original poster
chickenlickenn · 08/08/2025 08:51

My mum has been a couple of times before and she loves it - it’s the only place she wants to go again to. She also doesn’t go on holiday.

I do think she would struggle to keep up with us a bit - we are quite fast paced.

However both of us don’t do the big rides so that would be good for us to go elsewhere when my husband goes on them as he does go on all the rides.

I just hate the thought of leaving her behind when I know she would like to go but I also know she wouldn’t want to gate crash and make the holiday different for us as she is also aware of how much we need the break too.

OP posts:
cheezncrackers · 08/08/2025 09:09

How old was your DM last time she went to Disneyworld? What time of year would you be going? Would she be able to keep up on long, hot days in the park? Is she fit and healthy and does she take regular exercise?

Most of the rides at Disney are for two people sitting next to each other - I'm worried that she'll just feel like a spare wheel tagging along with you and your DP and it won't be how she remembered. It's lovely that you want to take her, but I don't think it's the kind of holiday that is good for a couple + one other.

Original poster
chickenlickenn · 08/08/2025 09:12

@cheezncrackers

She was around 65 last time but was in much poorer physical health (hip replacement needed which has now happened).

I do think she may struggle with the heat.

Perhaps this is a little adventurous of a holiday for us to have as a three!

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 08/08/2025 09:20

She can hire a scooter at the parks, if she wants to go why don't you just ask her see if she fancies it, ask her and let her think about it.

TeamGeriatric · 08/08/2025 12:42

We took my Mum to Berlin for a long weekend when she was mid- 70s, it was the 4 of us plus her. It was a Christmas or birthday present for her, and worked fine as a dynamic from my perspective. I think any longer would have been too long for my husband and I wouldn't have brought her on our primary holiday for the year. Everyone's relationships work differently though.

Sunspecs · 08/08/2025 12:45

I think Disney. When youre busy, rather than "just" enjoying each other's company, would work better than many other holidays, especially as it sounds like you and DH don't do the same things all the time anyway.

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