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Original poster

Ex taking 2 year old abroad

19 replies

Lauren2409W · 21/07/2025 10:34

So my ex’s parents rent a villa every year in Spain, his sister her partner and kids go with them. They have just returned and have said they want to take my daughter next year with them, and for my ex, her dad to go with them.

I said NO straight away. Next summer my daughter will be 2, but I feel this is way too young to go to a foreign country without me, her mam.

I’ve felt like a single mam since the day my daughter was born, he has never really helped or been hands on so splitting up hasn’t put extra pressure on me which brings me to another reason I don’t want my daughter to go…

…he doesn’t know what to do with her he won’t have her on his own he panics and gets stressed. In his care she has fallen off a bed and sofa before and forgets to give her meditation.

I trust his mam, but my daughter isn’t her responsibility my anxiety is through the roof at the thought of this holiday. I do NOT want her going.

What are people’s views, as her main carer do I have the right and power to say no.

OP posts:

FlamingoFloss · 21/07/2025 10:37

Do you trust your daughters Nan?

CatsorDogsrule · 21/07/2025 10:38

The holiday seems a reasonable request to me. If you don't give permission, do you think he will go to court to seek permission?

ApolloandDaphne · 21/07/2025 10:40

What he is asking isn't unreasonable. Your DD will be a lot more able and vocal by this time next year plus he won't be on his own with her. There will be plenty other family members around to help out and keep an eye on her.

Newnamesameme · 21/07/2025 10:44

Yabu. He will have an extra year of parenting done so you will fell more confident. Saying no just sounds like a kneejerk reaction. Imagine he told you he didn't want her going on holidays with her? He is her father. You have the added bonus of the granny being there.

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 21/07/2025 10:58

You have a whole year to get them to form a closer relationship. You are thinking about this entirely from a YOU perspective, and the fact that YOU don't want to be parted from her for a week. Her dad and grandparents are family too.

namechangeGOT · 21/07/2025 11:06

I can entirely understand your anguish about this…. But….. his mum, who you trust, will be there and it may not be her responsibility but I’m sure she will love having her granddaughter there and will lavish attention on her, which will be a lovely experience for your little girl.

Brokenforsummer · 21/07/2025 11:59

CatsorDogsrule · 21/07/2025 10:38

The holiday seems a reasonable request to me. If you don't give permission, do you think he will go to court to seek permission?

But not from a parent who never has the child on his own!

Original poster

Lauren2409W · 21/07/2025 12:04

I really do understand everything that you are saying I really do, and I always swore I would never be the mam who stop a dad from being a dad.

He has two daughters who he isn’t allowed to see for reasons I’ve never really understood. I probably should have added in original post, we didn’t end good he drank a lot and made living with him horrendous, we would drink for days with music blaring, his anger and aggression was also terrifying, police reports made. Since splitting I’ve found out his ex has a restraing order for DV, This is all I can say … with everything I know and have been through I’m terrified.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lauren2409W · 21/07/2025 12:05

whenever he was to watch her on his own his reaction … “that’s a woman’s job … it’s out of my comfort zone”
he doesn’t even know her night time routine he “plays” with her while he sits on his phone … just do not feel comfortable with it all

OP posts:

TizerorFizz · 21/07/2025 12:50

@Lauren2409W You need to see a solicitor then. Get visits regularised and holidays. If he’s not a great dad because he drinks are you letting him have DD now? For how long? I’d go to court.

AuntMarch · 21/07/2025 13:00

Do you get on with his parents? If so, be honest about your concerns. "It would be lovely for DD to have a family holiday with you all but it worries me because.." See what they say.

Newnamesameme · 21/07/2025 13:19

That's a rather enormous drip feed. You obviously should have put that in your.op.

mamagogo1 · 21/07/2025 13:26

You need to get a legally binding custody agreement which may or may not require supervised visits (ideally could the grandmother be the responsible guardian when having contact visits if he can’t be trusted, the court can also order contact centre only which definitely isn’t as good but if no family member is able and willing a better option than zero contact.

the holiday situation if there was no issues with his parenting isn’t unreasonable but with the additional information it will be down to whether his family can supervise

DelphiniumBlue · 21/07/2025 13:41

"Dear MiL,
Much as I would love for DD to enjoy a holiday with you all, I don't feel that Ex is currently able to look after her properly due to his alcohol and anger issues, or to put her needs first. In any event DD is too young to be away from me, her primary carer, and she does not have a particularly close bond with Ex because of the issues mentioned and his general unreliability.
As you know, Ex has a restraining order against him because of DV, and he is not allowed to see his other children for reasons which have never been clarified to me. As such, I am not convinced that she would be safe with him. Or you seeing as you did a pretty poor job at bringing him up."
OP, there is not a chance in hell that I would agree to my baby going abroad with such an awful man.
I think you should do a Claire's law search ( think that's what its called) to see if you can find out what happened with his other children. Is their mother the one with the restraining order, or is that a different Ex?

pikkumyy77 · 21/07/2025 13:47

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 21/07/2025 10:58

Oh yes its up to her to raise this child alone and its up to her to teach a grown man how to parent. And alllllllll the women in his family too. Nan and sis can do the work too.

ClaredeBear · 21/07/2025 13:47

Does he actually want to take her? It sounds as if this request was coming from his family not him. In any case, I’d give it 6-9 months for him to do better and not wait until the last minute to decide she’s not going. If he’s not that great with her he might be relieved.

ClaredeBear · 21/07/2025 13:50

Sorry I’ve just seen you subsequent posts. I would be protecting my daughter from this man.

Original poster

Lauren2409W · 21/07/2025 13:56

Thank you everyone!
I trust his mam to look after DD but I feel she’s lied an awful lot and don’t always trust her but I know my daughter would be looked after by her.
I’ve done a Claire’s Law check im not able to say much more for legal reasons, but there was nothing regarding his other kids.
He only sees DD with me or his parents, as I’ve said he doesn’t like to have her on his own … he will refuse or cancel if that’s the case.
I think I will get some legal advice He doesn’t yet have his own place but when he does that’s another worry of mine
i really appreciate the advice. Thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

Lauren2409W · 21/07/2025 14:02

ClaredeBear · 21/07/2025 13:50

Sorry I’ve just seen you subsequent posts. I would be protecting my daughter from this man.

I feel like the more I write about my situation the more I’m having these thoughts, there’s a lot more to our relationship ending I feel like contact with him as DD might fizzle out … always seems to be me chasing him to see her or his mam chasing to see her.

OP posts:

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