Concerns over taking 9MO on holiday - particular bedtime routine

[HMum5]

Hi All, hoping I can get some advice re taking my 9MO away on holiday with the in-laws.

It wouldn’t be my choice to go abroad this year with our LO, I am slightly anxious about travelling and feeling particularly anxious at the idea of taking our baby away.

I am exclusively breastfeeding and will still be breastfeeding in a few months when we go away. I feed my LO to sleep and will continue doing so, this works well for us. LO bedtime is currently 8pm and suspect this will be around 7pm when she hits 9 months.

The way I am choosing to parent is different to how my in-laws would do things. I breastfeed (this hasn’t been common in their family), have not sleep trained (they have advised me many times to let her “cry out”, even though she’s a good sleeper), and would be keen for LO to be with them more on her own, whereas I am not comfortable with this, especially as I’m EBF.

On holiday I would feel more comfortable going up with our LO at bedtime, and will of course stay with her for the rest of the night. The in-laws have already asked whether I have a buggy she can “lie down” in, and so I think they will expect me to bring her out in the pram until late and let her sleep there. I think there might be some raised eyebrows at me going up to bed at the hotel as early as 7pm.

My Partner is generally very supportive and has respected a lot of my decisions, I do think he feels I need to “loosen up” a bit though and we have recently had some arguments about me still being quite controlled with feeds/naps etc.

Should I be preparing to “loosen up” for my holiday? Or am I ok to hold to my boundaries with bedtime etc. I think some external advice on this would really help! Thanks in advance x

my daughter could never settle while out and about (she is still super noise sensitive now at 12) so we found renting holiday houses far better for us than a hotel. The couple times we ended up at a hotel then one of us would go up with her. We would usually juggle it a bit so she went down a little later so we could have dinner together and then take turns taking her up (appreciate that’s not relevant if you’re feeding to sleep, just my experience) but I was never lucky enough to have a child who could just go with the flow. Lots do so worth a couple tries before discounting it altogether as that worked so well for lots of our friends.

You should definitely be loosening up!
We took our son away for the first time at 9 months.i also breastfed- the good thing is you can do it anywhere and everywhere.
He would nap when he needed a sleep.

In the evening, he would eat out with us , sitting in a high chair and then sleep in the push chair while we had a drink or whatever.
Going back to the hotel to stick to a 7pm bedtime is daft.
Relax a bit. Let all the other adults help. Enjoy your holiday.

I would play it by ear. You might feel whacked and be ready to go to bed with your baby at 7pm every night. Or you might end up staying up an extra hour or more some evenings if your baby if happy to sleep later and stay up, or happy to settle nearby.

I think it’s good to loosen the grip on holiday, but only if it works for you and baby. I would maybe talk to your partner and say you’re open to seeing how things work out and you’re not desperate to go to bed at 7pm every evening. But you also don’t want baby to get super strung out either, so baby calls the shots.

With the greatest respect, loosen up.
I’ve had 3 kids who have all had very set bedtimes when at home, but on holiday - who cares?! Why does she need to have such a set bedtime if all you’re doing is laying in a dark room with her. I’ve had set bedtimes because DH & I like our evenings together, but she’s 9m old, if she’s fed to sleep anyway can’t you just feed her and cuddle her if you’re still out and about in the evening, then put her in the buggy to sleep? Get a snooze shade and for goodness sake unclench.

We have travelled a lot with babies, both of mine also BF. I let the routine go on holiday, they adapted and we enjoyed ourselves. They both stayed up later, had later naps, slept in the buggy (lat flat) and I'd feed in restaurant/bar/wherever. They usually transferred back to cot fine when we got back to the hotel. My view is that if you don't do these things and adapt the routine a bit, you're stuck and you can't ever do anything until they are of a certain age and life is paused.. After a day or two both of mine would have a later sleep/bedtime but once home they got back into normal routine very quickly. I don't want to be stuck in a hotel room at bedtime every night so we relaxed and both of mine just fitted in with us. I would say yes, try to loosen up and see what happens. We've loved holidays with our babies and they are growing up to bed great travellers and very adaptable

I took my 8m old on holiday and he was still ebf. He had a set ish bedtime at home and we stuck to it on holiday by having him out in pjs then feeding to sleep in a cuddle and laying him in pram with snoozeshade and white noise.This only worked if it was somewhere fairly quiet. He was absplutely fine. If you want to stick to a bedtime that seems fair enough, but to me there's no reason not to let her sleep in the pram then transfer her later. Not sure what PIL sleep training views have got to do with it. Having them sleep in a pram is not remotely similar to sleep training. Or were you just stating this to show that you don't think they will agree with your approach?

If it's only a shirt holiday it's probably best to keep you little one on UK time.
We travelled aot with our DC when they were young and always did this as we got a bit of a lie in and a later night.
We were more relaxed so would feed and do bedtime and then take out for a walk in the (laid flat) pushchair so that we could have a meal. Bit that was just DH and I which meant we could easily change plans.
I breast fed until just over 1 which was so much easier for travelling....baby tired and upset...have a quick feed. Baby not keen on food ..no worries.
But obviously this is your baby so you need to do what makes you feel comfortable

You might find that you’re able to push the bedtime a little bit e.g have dinner at 7 then take her up about 8.30ish so you still get a bit of an evening before settling down for bed. TBH you might quite enjoy having a lie down in a quiet room by yourself by that time if it’s getting a bit full on with the in laws! We recently went away with our 1YO and we had a fab time and managed to eat in the restaurant of the hotel each night then take her straight up to bed. Then DH and I would read/podcast/ipad/have a shower etc once she was asleep albeit very briefly and it was actually really nice and relaxing!

@Petrie999 thanks so much for your message, it’s more to indicate my discomfort when LO cries and they are very comfortable with the approach of “all babies cry”, “let her cry”, “we’ll handle it”, “we’ve all been parents before”. Whereas when she’s crying I just want to handle it as know she’ll settle with me and likely need a feed! I’m anticipating her being upset in the evening when we keep her out, and being dismissed for being concerned about it. Maybe I try being out and about a few nights and then see how it goes!

@alligatorshmalligator @Bigearringsbigsmile @Ifyoulikepinacolads @LostMySocks @mintgreensoftlilac @Petrie999 @PurpleThistle7 @vincettenoir cant thank you all enough for the quick responses. Women/mums really are a whole different kind of amazing. Ps the “unclench” made me laugh 😂

@vincettenoir Not only is this great advice, but I’m assuming from the username you’re a Boosh fan. Extra kudos 👏wish I’d done my username around Howard now

I started off being a bit like this so I can see why you are. But I do think you need to chill out a bit!! (I’m 3 kids in now) that’s my advice anyway

ive ebf all of mine. Co slept with all. And this is against what the older generation believe in our families so have had lots of disapproval. Sooo much sleep training pushing. I would never do that. However I’ve enjoyed many a holiday with a baby or toddler in a lie down buggy at dinner time

Enjoy your holiday. 😀

I would loosen up and go on holiday...I don't think I'd go with the in-laws though. There's often tension between either your own parents of in-laws about the best way to raise a child and I wouldn't want tension on a holiday, especially a first holiday with a baby.

@Squishymallows thank you, this is really reassuring x

@JonSnowedUnder Unfortunately it’s already booked! We have done a staycation with my family which was generally easier as they are more relaxed about my decisions etc. MIL in particular more vocal/differing in opinion. I’m going and trying to get my head around it because I know how much it means to my Partner! deep breaths

i think there is a big gap between cry it out and sticking to a strict routine. You may want to relax a little on some nights and other nights keep the routine. Even on holiday, we’ve found our DS does so much better when he’s vaguely in his normal nap and bedtime routine. Also if we mess up a transfer he’s awake for a couple of hours so it’s not worth the risk.

I would see how it goes each evening but if what’s best for all of you is keeping vaguely the same routine I would do this. But it’s entirely up to you and your DH. Don’t let someone else tell you what you doing which works for you is wrong.