16 days apart from my 10 year old

[Separatedbutlivingtogether]

My ex is taking my 10 year old to SA for 16 days this summer. I have never been apart from her that long; my world revolves around her- she gives me purpose in life literally.
I don't work and have very few friends, since all our friends as a couple were his friends and have made it very clear they no longer want a friendship with me since we separated.
My daughter is my reason for getting up in the morning, I'm the sort of mother who finds the school day too long.
I am going to lose my mind, alone in the house without her.

With respect, you need to find yourself and do things for you. It isn’t healthy to have your life revolve around your child so completely.

don’t you work? Hobbies? How do you support yourself? Even if you’re financially independent you could volunteer.

use those 10 days to find something to do. Your dd is 10 and at school, find a daytime exercise class, volunteer at an animal centre, sign up to a language class. She’s even old enough to be left an hour or so at night, so you could look at evening class too.

in a little over 5 years your dd will be almost completely independent and preparing to fly the nest. Then what?

Take up tennis. Or join a gym. Try martial arts. Or yoga and Pilates.

get a job. Join a charity.

train as a Pilates reformer instructor

ans get some therapy. You need to have a life beyond your DD. This is not healthy for you or for her in the medium to long term.

While it’s understandable that you’ll miss her, you really need to start building a life for yourself that doesn’t revolve around your daughter. It all sounds very unhealthy.

Take up a hobby. Can you knit or crotchet? If you can then why not work on asking something for your DD?

SA - is that South Africa? That is a fantastic opportunity for her.

I would have found it difficult to be apart from DD for so long at that age, also to be so far away.

However, is there a reason why you don't work or have any hobbies? You need to think ahead re pension contributions and when your daughter might want to go away to university.

Could you volunteer or give your free time to charity?

My daughter is my reason for getting up in the morning, I'm the sort of mother who finds the school day too long.

This isn't healthy for either of you.

Use those 16 days to start looking at how to carve yourself a life of your own.

Being a parent is about creating independent beings who can fly off and make their own lives. What will you do then?

What hobbies do you have? What courses could you do to look into employment or volunteering?

what do you want to do in 8 years time if she decides to live away to uni?

You are not an extension of your DD anymore than she’s an extension of you.

It sounds hard OP, and any of us would miss our kids no end over that sort of time, let alone in the wake of a marriage break up when things are raw, whoever it was that precipitated the split.

I do agree with pp that you need to rebuild your own life: friends that were not his, a life that sustains you and doesn’t rely on others.

A job, volunteering, or a project that will take your mind off the passing time and bring you something new.

Use the time to get your cv brushed up and start applying for jobs? Then get a hobby, go online and register for dating apps …

You’ve got a focused opportunity here to build the foundations of a life of your own - In another 10 years she will probably be independent and not living at home - what will you do then? Your life has to be something other than ‘mum’ or you’re going to be very lonely in the future. Or your DD might feel guilty for having her own life as she knows she is all you’ve got and then she will not go off and do her own thing - you will inadvertently clip her wings.
go to a couple of gym classes, get a volunteer job, join a choir or something

Do you not work?

I can only echo what others have said.
You need to start to build a life that’s yours and independent from your daughter.

She’s going to be getting more and more independent and it’s going to be very difficult for you both if you don’t change things.

This sound like a good thing for you if you use the time well. Do done classes, consider looking for work, even if only part time. There are friendship apps as well as dating apps and local meet up/ interest groups on facebook

I hear you all loud and clear, it's not news to me. I had a very stressful career which ended in a nervous breakdown and being hospitalised 3 years ago, shortly followed by my separation.
With my world turned upside-down, my focus has been my mental health, and yes I fully accept that I have unhealthily anchored my stability to DD and maintaining a safe and loving home for her.
I can't work, I've tried a couple of undemanding jobs in different sectors and barely finished the probationary period before becoming an emotional mess. To respond to one post, I can meet my financial needs without working and have a pension plan, helped by my ex's generous sharing of his pension.
Dating app: got frustrated with the whole messaging process. met someone I enjoy spending time with the odd night every few weeks, but there's no emotional attachment, not on my side at least.
I've lost my spark and confidence. I used to be a social animal, but now have very little interest in meeting new people in all honesty or interacting with the world outside my home.

Can you sign up to do some open learn courses?

Set yourself a plan to read a pile of books.

Plan to visit one new place a day (even if it is just a different shop or cafe

Find some yoga classes or mindfulness classes?

Look for some volunteering opportunities

Make a plan to do some DIY or gardening

As you are clearly reasonably wealthy I assume are getting medical and psychological help?

I know it's utterly shit and awful to be separated from our children but we owe it to them to build a good life. As she gets increasingly independent she will need to see you model a good life and she will need to see you happy and able to thrive without her

I get stuck in bed a fair bit due to illness but reading has been my salvation .

I love the storygraph app because I can set reading goals and also log my progress

Ask gp about social prescribing
Might be a local community group walking or choir or gardening

Be happy for dd having this great opportunity and build a life for yourself