Scared to fly after Air India crash - should I cancel?

[Springhare76]

I am an extremely nervous flier at the best of times and can barely hold it together for an entire flights (crying, panic attacks etc). I try to cling to the fact that it's so unlikely to crash but after the recent Air India crash I am more terrified than ever as what happened is basically what everyone says can't happen. God rest their souls. Anyone else cancelling their flights this summer?

I know you shouldn't avoid flying and give in to fear, but if you are going on short haul holidays in the future, would you consider rail? We did this as a family a few years ago just for the adventure and it was absolutely brilliant ( more expensive but saves on time and adds to the experience)
I am going to India on Air India in October. The choice to my destination was either Air India-9 hours or 4-8 hour stopoffs and 2+ flights somewhere in the Middle East or Delhi/Mumbai with another airline. I am going with both my children. I am a bit nervous about it and did muse out loud about not going/not taking them but they were furious at the prospect. They are teenagers and said they would want to go to India with or without me anyway as they've never been despite being Indian descent. So if the worst happened at least we'd all go together and quickly!

There has been much talk about warnings to Air India about pilot schedules and too many flying hours. 3 air India execs have been removed from the board. It does look like pilot error rather than plane fault.

easyjet will be fine - they are Uk regulated & very strict on this (I have flown with them loads).

Have you considered hypnotherapy? I'm very surprised that your fear hasn't transferred to your children, particularly your youngest, since children of that age will naturally take cues from their parents. Does s/he really not care that mum is not available to him/her during the flight? At the very least I'd expect them to be unnerved at seeing you obviously scared (needing to hold hands, probably showing fear in your facial expression), if not wanting to help you calm down.

I really hope that there are passengers on the plane who can't see you shaking and crying. Some people are just a bit borderline scared, no one would know they are, but it could really tip them over the edge to see you shaking and crying and having a panic attack

Sorry to sound unsympathetic but I would not like to see you on a plane

No as I have had hypotherapy for other fears and it didn't work.

I think my kids understand that it's an irrational fear. I say to them, I am just being silly and I wouldn't get on the plane if I genuinely didn't think it was safe. I used to fly loads but developed a fear after having kids and a few issues on a couple of flights including a clear air drop which was terrifying. I am not, not available to them (or him rather as my older 2 don't need my attention), and behave fairly normally, it's more internalised terror.

Well noone has ever been bothered so far and I fly several times a year, in fact, everyone without exception has been lovely and supportive, including the flight attendants. Maybe you have a fear yourself you need to deal with? Me being scared isn't going to make the plane any more or less safe is it? There are passengers with far more annoying habits than being scared.

So in addition to feeling scared, should I feel guilty and scared? Or just never fly? Thanks for the understanding and support. I trust you have no fears about anything in life and that if you do you don't share them with anyone just in case you give them the fear?

I think in the end poor maintenance will show as the cause.

Personally I think a big glass of wine in departures is your friend here. There will be others coming along saying it increases anxiety and maybe in the longer term for some it does, but for me as a nervous but admittedly not terrified flyer (and many others I know like me), it works wonders. Just takes the edge off. You'll still feel the fear, but it might not be so acute.

I just don’t understand threads like this.

Fly. Don’t fly. It’s your choice.

What is anyone going to tell you on MN that isn’t playing into your irrational fear? You’ve had the drugs, you’ve done the courses. What are you looking for? Difficult not to conclude you just want attention to either feed or starve your worries.

(FWIW, I had a sudden, complete, unexpected and terrifying fear for flying that come over me when I was sitting in a plane for the first time after my second was born. Came from nowhere, nearly passed out on take off. Never had any mental or psychological problems in my life. The way to tackle fear is to face it head on. Get on the plane, again and again, until you’re not scared any more. Goes not just for flying. You are in charge of you, you are in control. Not this irrational unasked for fear.)

Wine or a G&T onboard are literally the only things that slightly work. Any meds just make me feel weird.

I hate flying but if I have to fly then I take a look at the flight tracker website and seeing how many planes are in the air every day makes me feel better.

I am a very nervous flier and recently traveled over 12 hours, on 6 planes over 2 weeks - I actually cried with fear on one of the planes which is a first for me!

I was anxious but I found screenshotting an image of all the planes on flight radar really helped me so I could pull up the image whenever I was nervous.

There is also a fearofflying thread on Reddit that may help you.

I am still here and the statistics are in our favours, it is extremely rare to die in a plane crash.

Wishing you the best

And I don't understand posts like yours where you come to criticise the point of a post rather than say anything constructive. It's a forum - I can post what I like so long as it's within the rules. I was looking for reassurance and a sense check to see if any other mums, especially those with a fear of flying, are changing their behaviour and cancelling. The responses are been very helpful and reassuring and given me confidence to do the flight although I am still not 100% sure I will. I need to hear a lot of rational reasons why it's safe. It's not a case of do it or don't do it. Not everyone shares your thought processes.

@lemonraspberry

There has been much talk about warnings to Air India about pilot schedules and too many flying hours. 3 air India execs have been removed from the board. It does look like pilot error rather than plane fault.

Not sure about the first bit but given what we know, and more importantly what we don't know ATM your final sentence is, shall we say, slightly unfair.

Would you care to explain how you've come to that conclusion..?

I was trying to encourage you to keep going, do whatever you can to get it resolved so that your children wouldn't be affected but if you'd rather take the most negative interpretation that's fine. My mother was terrified of the dentist and it transferred to me and I don't think she ever realised how much I was impacted by seeing her so upset because I hid it from her. So my message to her would have been keep going. Try anything and everything and try it twice if you need to.

I made no claim that I know what happened? All I said was that I wasn’t surprised that an airline who have had previous fines related to safety have had an accident. I don’t think the reason they were fined was linked to the accident. Apologies if it read that way!

We won’t know until the reports come out which could be months at the earliest. Even years in some cases.

Aeroflot, Air France… there are actually quite a few!

@TheBirdintheCave

Thanks, makes sense..

FWIW I've caught up with the dismissals @lemonraspberry referred to.

It looks like authorities (the DGCA) have started doing what is normal in many investigations, using the accident as an excuse to start looking at the whole company and go through it with a fine toothed comb..

It does look like the airlines monitoring of rostering and qualifications etc wasn't up to specification which is pretty damning but TBF pilots are meant to also keep an eye on that sort of admin themselves.

ATM there's no evidence in public at least of a direct link between those dismissals and the accident, TBH what happened is still a complete mystery to pretty much everybody outside the investigating team..

I don't need to address anything. I fly long haul at least once a year. I really hate turbulence but I cope. I would just be spooked out if somebody was having a panic attack and I'd be wondering if I should be more worried than I am!

Yes because that’s literally all phobias are. Not understanding statistics 🙄

Have a look at the sub ‘fear of flying’ on Reddit. I spend a lot of time on there as I am scared of flying as well. There are lots of experience pilots, cabin crew etc who take their time to post on there and talk people through their fears. There is no judgement either. I find it really reassuring.

I had diazepam from the GP for a long haul flight last month.

As a nervous flyer I hear you OP. I find it helps to look up the expected flight conditions beforehand so I'm prepared for any turbulence.

I get you! I don’t love flying, but I absolutely will not be cancelling travel plans, I love travelling and without planes I wouldn’t have been lucky enough to visit 80% of the countries I have. This is what helps me 1. Alcohol (no joke - a few glasses of wine before the flight really relaxes me) 2. Thinking about the fact the air hostesses and pilots do this as their job every day, and they also would rather not die! In fact my friend is a pilot and he’s never been in any kind of emergency situation 3. I don’t care for statistics either because if you have a fear you expect to be on that 1/1000 flight that crashes so I don’t think that helps but what does help is thinking about all the planes in the sky every single day, just going about their business! 4. My pilot friend told me to think about turbulence like going over speed bumps, it will eventually end and the likelihood of turbulence crashing a plane is very, very low. Happy holidays, don’t cancel!