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Original poster

I had holidays but now I don't because my cousin stopped doing them for me.

25 replies

dogsarecute · 09/05/2025 11:13

My cousin fostered me and my brother because we were in a abuse home and we had Christmas and are birthday. But this year I did not have a birthday and I might now have Christmas either.

Any suggestions just reply.

OP posts:
Dreichweather · 09/05/2025 11:14

What do you want suggestions for?

How old are you?
Do you work?

Mrsttcno1 · 09/05/2025 11:14

How old are you?

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 09/05/2025 11:15

Why did your cousin stop?

Original poster
dogsarecute · 09/05/2025 11:16

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 09/05/2025 11:15

Why did your cousin stop?

because she is going to kick me and my brother out soon. We just turned 19

OP posts:
Original poster
dogsarecute · 09/05/2025 11:16

Dreichweather · 09/05/2025 11:14

What do you want suggestions for?

How old are you?
Do you work?

im just turned 19. I wash dishes at a restaurant

OP posts:
BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 09/05/2025 11:17

My suggestion would be "do them for yourself". Your birthday and Christmas still happen, whether your cousin is there or not. Your birthday still falls on the same day every year and so does Christmas. You can mark them however you want. It might not be the same as it was when your cousin did it but it doesn't mean it isn't worth doing.

EllasNonny · 09/05/2025 11:17

It might be small to begin with, but do it just you and your brother. Don't let one person dictate your life, youre an adult now.

Original poster
dogsarecute · 09/05/2025 11:17

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 09/05/2025 11:17

My suggestion would be "do them for yourself". Your birthday and Christmas still happen, whether your cousin is there or not. Your birthday still falls on the same day every year and so does Christmas. You can mark them however you want. It might not be the same as it was when your cousin did it but it doesn't mean it isn't worth doing.

Edited

okay thank you

OP posts:
hattie43 · 09/05/2025 11:18

I don’t understand why your cousin would adopt you only to kick you out . What has gone wrong in their home for her to do this . Ultimately at 19 you are both adults responsible for yourselves . Are you twins ?

Nuffalready · 09/05/2025 11:18

Are you in the UK? We’re you officially fostered by your cousin?

Original poster
dogsarecute · 09/05/2025 11:18

EllasNonny · 09/05/2025 11:17

It might be small to begin with, but do it just you and your brother. Don't let one person dictate your life, youre an adult now.

thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
dogsarecute · 09/05/2025 11:19

Nuffalready · 09/05/2025 11:18

Are you in the UK? We’re you officially fostered by your cousin?

I live in Twin Lake

OP posts:
BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 09/05/2025 11:19

dogsarecute · 09/05/2025 11:16

because she is going to kick me and my brother out soon. We just turned 19

Show quote history

If you are worried about where you are going to go, speak to social services. If you have a formal foster agreement there may be special arrangements that could be made for emergency housing for you as care leavers.

Original poster
dogsarecute · 09/05/2025 11:19

hattie43 · 09/05/2025 11:18

I don’t understand why your cousin would adopt you only to kick you out . What has gone wrong in their home for her to do this . Ultimately at 19 you are both adults responsible for yourselves . Are you twins ?

yes. But we do not look alike

OP posts:
Original poster
dogsarecute · 09/05/2025 11:20

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 09/05/2025 11:19

If you are worried about where you are going to go, speak to social services. If you have a formal foster agreement there may be special arrangements that could be made for emergency housing for you as care leavers.

Show quote history

okay thank you. But I am going into a adult home

OP posts:
WhiteCloudd · 09/05/2025 11:21

At 19 you won’t be treated the same at Birthdays and Christmases as when you were a child. When you become an adult then it’s not really anyone’s responsibility to do anything for your special events like that. Obviously it would be nice if they did but they don’t have to.

BUT that doesn’t mean you can’t make yourself a lovely birthday and Christmas. You’ve got a long time until Christmas, why not start planning now?

And you have your brother too, you two can make a plan to do something nice for each other at Birthdays and Christmases.

pikkumyy77 · 09/05/2025 11:21

Focus on yourselves and your future. Reach out for help with housing and more education or jobs training if any exists. And celebrate yourselves in some way no matter how small.

Soonenough · 09/05/2025 11:22

After 18 the cousin probably stopped receiving an allowance for them .
Go to Citizen Advice to see what money you are entitled to . They may also help you with classes to improve literacy. Then you can do things for yourself.

BangersAndGnash · 09/05/2025 11:24

This does sound very hard and I am sorry you had an abusive home.

It is very tough for care leavers as so much stops at 18, including the financial support your cousin would have received.

Do you have a social worker? Discuss what will happen and what support there is.

The most important thing is that you and your brother have secure housing. From there prioritise supporting yourself and the best future.

Google Care Leavers Support and see if there are any organisations in your area.

Is there any way you and your brother could be eligible for a Uni place? A student loan (plus dish washing income) could support you for 3 years and give you a good social structure.

Lemn Sissay, poet and writer, hosts a fantastic Christmas for Care Leavers every year.

Sorry: this is not relevant if you don’t live in the UK

BangersAndGnash · 09/05/2025 11:28

hattie43 · 09/05/2025 11:18

I don’t understand why your cousin would adopt you only to kick you out . What has gone wrong in their home for her to do this . Ultimately at 19 you are both adults responsible for yourselves . Are you twins ?

The OP said foster, not adopt.
Fostering allowance stops at 18
Lots of families cannot afford to support foster children without the allowance.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 09/05/2025 11:29

dogsarecute · 09/05/2025 11:20

okay thank you. But I am going into a adult home

Show quote history

My guess is that if you are moving into an adult home, they will do a group Christmas celebration of some kind.

Original poster
dogsarecute · 09/05/2025 12:55

WhiteCloudd · 09/05/2025 11:21

At 19 you won’t be treated the same at Birthdays and Christmases as when you were a child. When you become an adult then it’s not really anyone’s responsibility to do anything for your special events like that. Obviously it would be nice if they did but they don’t have to.

BUT that doesn’t mean you can’t make yourself a lovely birthday and Christmas. You’ve got a long time until Christmas, why not start planning now?

And you have your brother too, you two can make a plan to do something nice for each other at Birthdays and Christmases.

Edited

yes you are so true but i am scared to be alone

OP posts:
ChaChaChaChanges · 09/05/2025 14:40

Please don’t be scared. You’re not alone. You have your brother. And ahead of you there will be dozens of friends you just haven’t met yet.

Nuffalready · 09/05/2025 16:00

Hi OP, I only asked if you’re in the UK as there is some support for young people leaving foster care at 18 here, as it’s acknowledged to be a tough time. Looks like you in the US and I don’t know how it works there, but do you have a social worker to support you, or similar? I think previous posters have given great advice about you and your twin making it special for yourselves, but it’s hard to start again at 18, I get that. Hope you and your twin stick together for mutual support as the years progress and you can one day look back and see how far you’ve come. Having a job now and money coming in is a really positive start, and wish you both the best for the future.

Original poster
dogsarecute · 09/05/2025 18:05

ChaChaChaChanges · 09/05/2025 14:40

Please don’t be scared. You’re not alone. You have your brother. And ahead of you there will be dozens of friends you just haven’t met yet.

okay. I will try not to be scared

OP posts:
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