Who gets to choose?

[Destinationdithers]

Lots of angst over where to go for the family holiday this summer. DCs are 18 & 15. Aware either or both could stay behind, but the idea is to have a family holiday.

Problem is DH has one destination in mind that neither I nor DCs fancy - and he’s taking it personally. He’s also not saying, here’s X, Y, Z we could all do. Just - I want to go.

He’s taking not liking his suggestion as a personal sleight. He also never does any of the AirBnB or Vrbo hunting - that’s always me.

But he earns more so would be paying most of the cost.

This all blew up because I (honestly) thought we’d agreed on a different destination last time we discussed it - and said I’d found some places (also aware that the longer we wait the higher the cost and less there will be available).

I don’t want any of us to have a miserable holiday, so how to resolve?

My thought is to start from what everyone wants from a holiday - ie beach access, historic sites etc and then work on a destination from there.

I think we tended to have fairly short conversations as generally we had done beach holidays when dc were pre teen and we felt a need to see more of the world. I think unless you guide dc they just say what they know without having the knowledge of what’s available. dH didn’t engage much but was happy to do what I wanted! Even now he’d struggle to have much of an idea.

If he suggests Sweden and now Germany I think he doesn't want to do the usual beach type holiday with an AI resort or a villa with pool in a hot country.

We found that teen DD really got off these holidays when she was 15 and we had lots more fun with a mix of cities and lazy ones with a lake/sea/pool.

I love the flip chart idea.

I’ve decided I’ll do the holiday me and DCs want. I can pay with some juggling. He can jog on.

Does h get to come, or will he be in Germany alone?

The way I feel right now he can toddle off on his own with his lederhosen… I just want to get something booked. Accommodation is (obviously) filling up. Meanwhile, he’s not coming up with any suggestions.

My whole family want different things from holidays too.

Sounds like you've decided now - but we've had amazing summer hols in both Denmark (road trip starting at Copenhagen, ending at Legoland) and Sweden (Stockholm and a southern island). Good weather, not scorching, lots of culture, white sand beaches, fab food.

If his suggestions have been Sweden and northern Germany, is it because he doesn’t like it too hot? If that is the reason and he is willing to discuss and compromise then you could maybe come up with something whereby everyone would be happy. But at the moment he sounds like he’s being a PITA and I can totally understand why you would decide to go alone with your DCs.

What’s the rest of your life like ? Do you get on amicably and discuss things or does he try to control other aspects?

Sorry, wrong part of Germany. Lederhosen are Bavarian clothes, not northern Germany :-)