Terrified of flying

[Chazzalazza]

Hello, I have flown many times in the past but haven’t since pre pandemic, we ve booked our first holiday with a flight as a family and I am absolutely bricking it. Please how is nobody else as terrified as I am!? What is the secret. A pod flying through the air at the hands of two individuals skill and the good behaviour of all those on board stresses me to the core! What’s the secret to getting over this or dealing with it! I don’t want my kids to feel my anxiety 😩😂😪

Why could you fly before, but you are too scared now?

This is a mindset thing and can be overcome, just try not to overthink it

Hi OP. I know how you feel, I was ok for many years and then boom FOF hit me out of nowhere and I did not fly for ten years. I then got divorced and met somebody new and he loves holidays. I did the Virgin flying without fear which helped a little. The main thing for me is watching pilot captains talk on Youtube and how planes fly, all the weird noises and turbulence etc. This and a little bit of valium has helped enormously and I have just returned from my 3rd trip to Sri-Lanka over the past few years. Each time I fly it gets easier.

I adore the whole airport/plane part of the trip. That's when the holiday starts.

I love driving to Heathrow, the buzz of seeing the planes on the tarmac. The pod to the terminal. The promise of a really good flat white. Sometimes sushi. Maybe a glass of champagne. Looking at the books.

Onto the plane. Nearly there now. Once in the air, maybe a G&T or a little snooze. Read my new book.

Land. Hurrah!

Now this is more the scenario when we go away without the children!! But can you pimp the experience for yourself? Make it something to look foward to?

My DH is a pilot and he often has chats to people who are scared of flights before takeoff. He explains what the flight will be like and what to expect, where the turbulences is
gojng to be and for how long. Pilots are
always happy to do this and you can speak to cabin crew once you board to do this. Apparently this helps.

Pilots are always happy to do this and you can speak to cabin crew once you board to do this. Apparently this helps.

Just for the sake of expectation management it’s maybe worth being aware that sometimes the request might (sadly) get a “no, sorry”…that doesn’t mean anything sinister is going on or that the pilots are being miserable ……it’s possible sometimes timings are such they might have time for much if anything by way of a chat..but as you say it’s at least worth an “ask”.

I doubt many pilots have time to go and give anxious fliers a pep talk, most are on a 10 minute turnaround!

Depends on airline of course, some airlines do like to put their customers at ease. The turnaround is at the captains discretion actually.

On one hand, being 30,000 feet above the ground, travelling at 400mph, in a pressurised, wafer thin, aluminium tube, is on the surface of it a very strange thing to do.

Then you look at the physics of it and realise how magical and mystical the whole thing is. It is the safest form of transport by a country mile.

If you took a plane to work and back, and had a journey time of 45 minutes each way, the odds are you would crash once every 33,000 years, and even then you would likely survive. I'll take that any day of the week. I realise phobias are irrational fears, but even if the engines fail, a plane will glide easily.

I find sleeping to be a good strategy. I am usually asleep before the plane takes of and try to stay that way until it lands.

Of course the captain can delay takeoff if she really needs to but realistically, they won’t regularly miss their ATC slot to reassure passengers. The crew will be more likely to help where they can.

Who are you flying with OP?

Since it looks like I set a hare running…

I think the important thing with regard to boarding and pre-departure visits is the timing is often tight and the flight crew have a fair bit to do pre start. Much of it safety critical and a lot of it is supposed to be done in sequence without any interruptions to avoid errors due to distraction creeping in…(hence as some may have noticed the flight deck door may sometimes be closed during boarding…..)

Now if on any given day there’s a fortuitous pause between flight deck checks done and start up it’s sometimes possible to facilitate a quick flight deck visit or for one of the pilots to pop out to talk to a very nervous passenger (I’ve been involved in doing both) but often the time simply isn’t there.

Start up times and runway slots (take off times) can be hard to renegotiate (especially at the bigger airports) so as a result whilst it would be absolutely right to delay for safety reasons, doing so routinely for PR purposes would raise eyebrows……

As a general point the best chance of getting a flight deck visit is post flight, but even that might not be possible if the aircraft and crew are on a quick turn.

I hate it too OP. I am convinced though, that I’m scared of being scared. I know that it’s safer than driving, but I prefer driving because I’m in control.

when I do fly, I need one glass of wine in departures and another on the plane. It really helps.

I haven’t flown for several years and really want to go on a nice holiday. I’m considering taking some Valium or something from the GP if we do go somewhere this year.

Good luck OP, I totally get it x

For me, I didn’t realise I’d become scared until I flew with my DC for the first time. Previously I’d never been scared at all.

Most pilots will chat with any passenger in this terrified position if they have prior notice. Of course if there are timing issues this might not be possible (that’s common sense), but it is possible more often than not and people are not aware. Like showing kids the cockpit on the ground, a lot of parents aren’t aware they can request this.

Good luck OP and well done for getting yourself out of your comfort zone!

I used to think I qas scared of flying as I would get worked up before a flight (still do). Actually I just don't like it - it's tedious, uncomfortable and taking off and landing is discombobulating.

I find acceptance helps. Once you are in the cabin, there is not a lot to do but accept that is where you will be for the duration of the flight and you have to trust the highly trained profeasionals who are flying you.

Exactly. The OP would be best served by trying to deal with this anxiety without trying to involve the pilot, that’s all I’m saying.

To routinely do this would definitely raise some eyebrows, turnaround times are tight these days.

Talk to the cabin crew. They don't always have a lot of time, but if you just say "I'm sorry, I'm a bit nervous, it's my first time since Covid" when you get on, they will be lovely and you will get a reassuring smile and a "how's it going" during the flight.

Also remember that they each do about 1,000 flights every year and by far the worst thing that ever happens to them is when some idiot who has had a few bevvies too many kicks off on the way to Malaga.

Statistics might not help, but something I find amazing is that not one person has ever died on Ryanair or EasyJet (other than of natural causes, perhaps). Honestly you're safer up in the air in a modern plane than on the ground, even in your own house (don't get me started about being in a car).

Thinking back, we used to fly 30 times a year (counting single legs) and after Covid the issue was not so much fear of the aircraft as worrying that we wouldn't know what to do at the airport. Everyone had been hammered so much with dire notices about tests and QR codes and boarding requirements that we had almost forgotten what to do.

I've always wondered if I should mention to the cabin crew that I'm a nervous flyer 🤔 I think I've always worried that they will think I'm trouble!

I am not a particularly nervous flyer op, but is this your first flight with DC? I find myself A LOT more nervous about all sorts of things now I have children, which includes fighting some pretty intrusive thoughts around flying. I think becoming a parent is the time a lot of people truly realise what fear is...

That said, you can get past this. The things you can do for those children! Take any advice that strikes you from this thread, take books/headphones/valium/vodka+red bull, whatever gets you through that first flight. Then realise that gazillions of people do this all the time and the pay off is having a marvellous time at your destination or at least facilitating your children to - give yourself permission to be one of them, you deserve it.
Have a great holiday x

You need to listen to Glenn Harrolds Fear of Flying cd. I used to be terrified. I've flown to Oz twice. Also done at least 30 other flights. I really recommend him.

Thank you all for the kind words,
think my problem is lack of control and of course some of the high profile airline accidents missing flights and what not - always seem to happen just before I fly or whenever I have had a flight booked. I think when other people show fear it naturally Instils the fear in me- flying with my DMIL was not a good decision a few years back.
maybe I ll try hypnosis.
I do utterly hate it everything about it

I have two suggestions.

One is a prescription of diazepam for your flight. However you may need to find a private GP to prescribe this now as a lot of practices will no longer prescribe on NHS. I just take one 2.5 mg tablet for a 3 hour flight. If you’ve never taken before though, I wouldn’t recommend first taking it before getting on a plane as people do react differently ie some people will become so sleepy it’s difficult to rouse them, and others can adversely become agitated.

The other suggestion is to have a look into a Fearless Flyer course, which can be done solely on-line, although some run by airlines include an optional short flight for extra charge. The one that I did included explanations for what goes on during the flight from an ex-pilot plus relaxation techniques. I did an online version of this and I did find it helpful.

I find I get butterflies and a nervous bladder, a café latte is really good at chilling me out. It's the only time I drink them.

I did lovefly course - successor to virgin fear of flying course but cheaper as you don’t go in actual plane but the virgin training rig. I combined with hypno, listening to lots of love fly podcasts (you can find on Spotify) and reading the message boards. It’s really helped me to understand the huge amount of safety protocols and to know turbulence, while not pleasant, is rarely dangerous. I still don’t love it, but I have more trust in the professionals and it the fear doesn’t feel as crippling. Good luck!

It's fine to mention that you are a nervous flyer. They will look out for you. In fact they're probably pleased to know who the nervous flyers are. On a typical outward holiday flight with 200 people it will be the first flight of their lives for a dozen or so.

In my experience cabin crew tend to be pleased to have any spontaneous interaction at all with passengers, as long as you're not being an arse. I try to make a point of paying attention and smiling (not smirking, I hope) during the safety demonstration. I like to imaging that it sometimes helps me to get slightly nicer service when the drinks come round.