Is there a good age to take kids abroad or is it always horrible?

[FallOfSloths]

My kids are still fairly young (oldest still in infants) and we've not tried an abroad holiday, as it just seems they're too little to really care/get much benefit out of it to justify the price. I was thinking that this would be something we'd enjoy when they're older.

However, my friend has just come back from a winter sun thing with her kids (13 and 14) and says it was awful, they just fought the whole time and also just spent the whole thing rolling their eyes at her and her DH and not wanting to be near them. Before anyone says they're just spoiled etc, I have known them all their lives and they are generally decent children. My friend said she thinks the proximity just causes the arguing and that maybe it was just too intense (whereas normally they wouldn't be together all the time with school, work, activities etc).

Anyway, just curious to know if there's a golden age where abroad holidays really work? I'm particularly thinking about beach based AI type stuff as that's what I liked doing pre children, with a little bit of sightseeing.

Or do you have to wait until they leave home to properly enjoy things?!

It is a bit shame shit different place with young kids and you want to manage your expectations appropriately- like they’re still going to want to nap at the usual times, may not be enthusiastic about trying different foods, if they’re prone to throwing tantrums at home they’ll do it away too etc. etc. but that’s not a reason not to travel! Yes the daily grind of parenting is still there but why not mix it up with different sights, better weather, experiences you wouldn’t otherwise get to do. Don’t build it up in your head to have to be ‘perfect’, don’t try to pack in too much and book accommodation where the kids have their own room and you’ll be fine!

We've gone away every year with DTs under 2 was not a holiday but we still had a good time, been great ever since. Now hitting peak teenage I'm not sure how this summer will go.

We went abroad with DD1 when she was two. It was really hard work. She slept really badly and we were exhausted by the end of the week. Stuck to UK breaks until DD2 was 4 then did camping trips in NW Europe mainly plus some Paris/DLP type things. They are 17 and 14 now and still love our family holidays. We always make sure we discuss plans with them and what we would like to do while away. Always self cater so kids can have a room age. Space is a priority over catering for us.

It depends greatly on the attitude of the parents and the DC that they have. We took our two DC abroad from a few months old, they're teens now and we travel three or four times every year and overall I'd say it's massively more positive than negative.

But as with anything, you need to have realistic expectations. Your kids, of any age, are not always going to behave well. Little kids get overtired and grumpy and have tantrums and scream. Big kids tell you to fuck off and refuse to go on the lovingly planned day trip that you've been looking forward to for months and which cost a lot of money. Parenting is feeding the mouth that bites you, at least some of the time.

But you have to just roll with it and make the best of it, whatever that means for you and your DP. I know people who refused to go abroad until their kids were secondary school age and would tell me I was mad to do otherwise. But IMO they missed out hugely. It's a case of 'you do you'. I've loved travelling with our kids. I haven't loved every day of every trip and there have been times when I wished I was elsewhere, but overall I'm very glad we were brave!

We went to the Canaries when youngest was 4. The last 'good' holiday was when eldest was 15. You have to pick a suitable location.

@FallOfSloths I think you have a point about budgets, if you can only afford to do a holiday once every 3 years there’s a lot of pressure on it.

We don’t always spend loads but we know what works for us:

-DS needs a separate sleeping space from us. We went to Southern Spain in April when he was 6m old, he could nap in a dark quiet room and we could potter about and have a drink on the balcony without having to sit in the dark silence.

-Stuff that everyone enjoys- we took DS to South Africa when he was 3 and did a game reserve safari and he loved it, because we loved animals. We loved the incredible food and drink and stunning scenery.

-we all handle the heat well so can cope with hot places. not everyone can and that ok.

-We choose somewhere with suitable food for DS, as much as I would love Japan it would be too difficult with his food restrictions right now but South Africa had plenty he could eat.

-make it easy. Don’t make your kids trek up Mountain if they complain about the ten min walk to the park. No one will enjoy themselves.

-for us, self catering has the feel of same shit different place. We do do it, but with a
game plan of budgeting to eat out and not making elaborate meals there. Basic breakfast, ham/cheese/crudites/tortilla
for lunch and out in the evening. In laws try to cook fancy meals for 10 people in holiday apartments and it causes tension. The most we would do is pasta!

My main piece of advice is that personal space (or lack of it) is what leads to tensions and arguments on holiday- especially if siblings aren’t used to sharing rooms etc. I’m not saying one should hire a massive villa but being crammed in a tiny hotel room together for 2 weeks is bound to lead to frayed tempers.

French campsites are lovely at that age. Really relaxed. Everything there on site. Day trips. Big pool. Relaxing in the outside bar and playing cards in the evening. The children playing in the playground with new friends in the dark. I've got great memories of it.

You can hire very nice and well equipped chalet/mobile homes for a good price if you book ahead.

Our dd is an adult now, but there was never an age when we couldn't take her abroad and enjoy it. I think it's less about age and more about personality/preferences/family dynamics etc.

Kids who are accustomed to very regular routines and who need routine and familiarity in order to thrive may struggle in a very different environment when they go on holiday abroad. Kids who are enjoy novelty and are inclined to go with the flow will probably love travelling and all that it offers.

My 3 are in 20s now, we've travelled a lot and always had an amazing time!

When they were young what worked best was a big hotel near a beach with a buffet to suit all tastes, lots of activities and importantly, kids' clubs meaning DH and could have a few hours off and a holiday too. Oh and a short transfer from the airport too.

This comes up so often. We’ve taken our DC away since they were tiny. Self catering when little so you have a house to yourselves to do what you need, somewhere with other children for company and entertainment.

I expect lots of people do package tour where the whole familY are crammed into one hotel room. No one sleeps properly, no privacy, down time away from each other. That I can imagine is hell.

Depends on child and number of children (we only have 1 child) but we've always had great holidays. DD is very chill though, able to stay up late and sleep in, loves swimming loves a kids club. Sometimes we go with friends sometimes she just makes friends there. Holidays are high on our priority list so she's been to lots of places.

There will be bickering, just as there is in home. You have to remove the pressure and try and make sure everyone has enough space. AI is good for tweens/young teens as they can have some freedom and dont need money for drinks and snacks!!

I think it depends in part on the adult:child ratio. I took DS to Canada on my own when he was almost 2 and it was good fun, but full on, not relaxing, with a couple of pretty stressful moments. But when DH and I took him to NYC together age 2.5 it was great, with plenty of moments that felt like a proper, relaxing holiday.
I took DS and DD camping on my own when they were 3.5 and 9 months and it was probably 60% stressful, 40% fun. Again, not especially relaxing, but quite good fun.
DH and I took the kids to Italy last year age 4 and 1 and it was one of the best holidays of my life, either pre- or post-kids. We had a whale of a time, lots of family time together but also DH and I tag teamed sometimes so that we each got some proper down time.
So having a second pair of hands/ someone to tag team with makes a bigger difference than age of the children or location, IME.

My kids have been all over the world on all kinds of different holidays, even including 'backpacking' style in late primary/early secondary. Its fine.

I took DS and DD camping on my own when they were 3.5 and 9 months

😱 you deserve a medal for that!

In my experience 1 child of any age is fine. You know what they like - pick some things for them and some for you and crack on.

With more than one, and especially if the number of children is more than the number of adults, it is harder. We kept it simple whilst the youngest was under 4. After that depending on the type of holiday then it can get easier:

Beach/pool holidays are much more relaxing once everyone can swim.
City/mountain holidays are easier once everyone can walk a full day.
Long haul is easier once they don't rely on you for entertainment and can be safely left awake while you sleep.

I agree about the expectations. Don't expect everyone to be happy the whole time. Don't complain that the holiday is ruined over one incident. Be aware of who needs personal time and space and make sure they get it.

When our DC were preschoolers holidays were visiting grandparents (both sets in holiday locations in the UK) or selfcatering holidays in the UK. We didn't go abroad until our youngest was at school and that was a self catering holiday so but very similar to the holidays we had in the UK and we had a great time. I really like self catering with kids because we can accommodate what they like to eat more easily and we have a lot more room to spread out, it wouldn't feel like much of a holiday if we were all in a single bedroom in a hotel. We always eat out once a day and the kids enjoy visiting the supermarkets and seeing the different choices in different countries. Some holidays have been better than others, but that can be for different reasons. The weather, the accomodation, the mix of things to do, the food, how easy it is to get about all affect a holiday just as much as how well the kids behaved. I think everyone needs a bit of a say in what we do, the best locations have a mix of activities aimed at all members of the family and it's all about balancing them (e.g. my kids like me to space out the museums among some more outdoorsy activities and I am snobby about beaches because I grew up on an island where you can have a beautiful sandy beach to yourself so don't enjoy typical touristy beaches).

I'm enjoying all the replies, thank you.

I think the pressure thing is really true. We don't have the budget to be going abroad several times a year or even necessarily yearly so I do feel concerned that they would be happily colouring or in a playground and I would be thinking 'I've paid ££££ for you to be doing something you could be doing at home!'. I'm not sure how to get out of that mindset unless just thinking that at least it's going down the slide in nice weather rather than rain.

I'm really not a fan of self-catering at all, I definitely feel like it isn't a holiday when you're cooking and cleaning. So I envisage AI being perfect for us, and also loved it pre kids. Mine are also of the age that buffets work so much better than a traditional restaurant meal.

Interesting about the cost being less abroad. I've looked and looked but really haven't found this, unless people are doing very very basic accommodation abroad and incredibly high end in the UK? It might not help that I also wouldn't want to sign up for driving for hours in a foreign country so really I want somewhere with a flight and a short transfer, which is why UK options always seem to come up a lot cheaper for us.

From a quick look at, say Eurocamp, prices seem similar to Haven etc here for the accommodation but then rather than driving for an hour or so to the UK option you've got to cover the costs of flights etc plus car hire or transfers. Or if I compare a cheap AI in Spain to going to Butlins, with buffet food and drinks included, the abroad option always seems to come out more. Perhaps I am missing something obvious!

Don't look at Spain, it's overpriced for what you get. Cyprus, Greece and Turkey - I've had some really nice AI's for less than 3k during school holidays. Paid 4k for 10 days in 6 weeks hol this year but it is a 5 star AI where as the others were 4 star (apart from Turkey). I've found Spain and the Canaries so overpriced for what they are offering. I also book well in advance as the price shoots up the closer you get.

Perhaps I am missing something obvious!

Well, the obvious thing from what you've written is that many of us don't do AI! So if that's what you want and you don't want to do anything else, it will be more expensive. When our kids were little we always self-catered, stayed in an apartment and we never minded driving abroad. Together with budget flights it was usually comparable to a week in Cornwall or the Lake District to go somewhere in Europe.

I imagine if you are comparing to Butlins, it will come out more abroad. (Not slating Butlins, it's a great holiday especially in their hotels). I have looked at things like a cottage by the beach in the UK and thought 'for that price I could go to Spain'. Prices seem to have gone up hugely everywhere which doesn't help. When young the kids probably would be just as happy at home, but I like to go away.

We have often booked through EasyJet holidays as a slightly cheaper option. We've also played around with destinations and dates to get something more affordable. This year we are gambling on Spain at Easter, which we may live to regret! This may be too risky if it's a one off holiday. We always book a 1 bed apartment so we don't all have to sleep in one room. Things are much easier since DS was 4. Before that he was tricker to get to sleep, which was hard when he shared a room with DD. Also he was fussy about the food and ended up mildly constipated as a result. These things are no longer an issue.

Edited to add: I save money by booking WAY in advance (15-18 months ish). With EasyJet I find the prices go up once the flights are released. You can book holidays before then. Also I am a fan of half board if it is offered. Lots of food included cheaply and we just go to the shop for bread and spreads for lunch. I have found reasonable AI deals too though. Self-catering is cheaper if you cook, but usually not if you eat out.

You are paying for the guarantee of good weather which is something you can’t get in the UK! Turkey or Greece are likely to be cheaper than Spain though. Also, it’s not a choice between cooking and cleaning or all inclusive- you can book an apartment or villa and just eat out for every meal except breakfast. I actually prefer this with kids as they can be fed straight away with no waiting whilst everyone gets ready and you can get them to eat something vaguely healthy to set them up for the day rather than starting with a tantrum because they’ve fixated on the donuts at the buffet and won’t consider anything else.

@FallOfSloths I think what you said about cost is a big part of it - we didn't take kids till at least 3, but did go ourselves on our own . I've found it better with a child/children in relative comfort, villa, big apartment , even 2 rooms in hotel when much older, OR it worked well quite simple but different - Eurocamp etc - what I found didn't work well 'for us' was that kind of middling range of trying to cram 3/4 of us in an average sized room in a middle range hotel - especially very 'in season' where everywhere was packed - Also AIs didn't work for us as my husband hates buffets - and most are. I don't think it works if you are 'routine obsessed' either with young children - and if you are very routine minded , then get a villa or big apartment with outside space or go Eurocamp where you can sit outside with a drink etc - being crammed in a room with kids asleep gets really tedious - well it did for us.

@FallOfSloths and can I say with a villa/apartment - I never ever self cater - most I do is cereal , croissants, juice , ham, cheese, rolls at breakfast etc - AIs are loaded price wise towards those that drink a lot so unless you get some real bargains- it can cost similar to get a lovely big place with pool/pools and go out somewhere nice ( and different) every evening and just fudge it in the day

I think it really depends on kids and families but reading your update, I think it might be that you're thinking "do the kids appreciate it" and the answer is probably no, not always. But holidays after mine were about 3 were always fun for us. Yes, we might just be swimming in a loveley pool when we coudl do that at our local gym at home... but we're swimming in sunshine and afterwards we're goign to have good cooked by someone else and lie in the sunshine and then yes, we'll be at the playground but I won't be thinking about the fact that I need to do the washing or mop the floor..... etc.

Babies and toddlers I enjoyed less on holiday because their needs are higher and so the prep and effort felt like a lot - nappies, special food, bottles etc.

Now mine are older, they do enjoy the act ofa holiday even if they're not gripped by the museum or sightseeing. They like seeing new places and trying new foods (up to a point!) and they also enjoy just having more attention from me and DH because we're more present, for longer. We had al ovely few days in a UK city a year or two ago and honestly, it was fabulous even though it rained the hwole time!