Help - depressed mum trying to plan a 1st family holiday without dad

[Hasrani]

Hi all, new to this forum - a short intro on me - a perimenopausal 45 yr old London mum (for last 13 years) with 2 kids - DD15 and DS9. Not travelled widely (Parents and sis live abroad so holidays have mostly been visiting them++) but have an opportunity to go without husband somewhere in Feb ‘25 half term break. Would ideally like a planned group holiday as under treatment for major depression/anxiety and would feel safer in a group but don’t know where to start. So many questions:-

1. How do you go about finding a safe travel operator?
2. DD is quite independent and opinionated - would group tours work for teens ?
3. We are not British and vegetarians- am I taking a big risk here counting on the group to be inclusive?

Any advice appreciated - I have been quite ‘absent’ this year so really keen to take my kids somewhere and compensate a little - also feel going somewhere will help with my recovery - thank you in advance.

Organised tours can be a good option in that your itinerary and transport is managed for you, leaving you to just relax and enjoy the sights and scenery and of course from a safety aspect as you'll have a tour leader on hand looking out for everyone.

Finding a tour operator - where are you thinking of going, UK, Europe or further afield? your interests ect? Do you want a coach tour or to fly and then join a tour, a cruise etc? If you give some more details of what you're looking for you might get recommendations. Otherwise you can Google 'escorted group tours' and you'll see lots of big name operators which you can then research eg using Trust Pilot reviews or Which ratings. I recently joined a small group tour in South America using a company called Exodus, who offer small group tours in Europe/worldwide.

Can't imagine inclusivity would be an issue in a group of travellers, who by the nature of the trip will usually be interested in meeting new people, and if you too are open to talking and mixing with your fellow passengers. A tour leader should also ensure any restaurants booked offered vegetarian options when they know of dietary requirements.

As long as your daughter is polite and respectful to those around you I can't see a problem with teens in a tour group (we did a couple when my DS was young), but that includes sticking to the rules e.g. being back on time at stops etc. The trade off for your trip being organised is sometimes you might not stay somewhere as long as you'd like to or you stop off somewhere you might find less interesting but you'll see the detailed itinerary before booking so you'll know if your daughter is likely to enjoy or be bored.

Thank you very much @TheWeeDonkeyFella for your patient detailed reply. I am looking to travel outside UK and Europe and will google escorted group tours as you suggest. Do appreciate the rigidity with the tour but hoping to convince my teen that we are better visiting like this than not getting away at all.. She is kind and respectful of course - can get a bit moody though hence was checking.. Will try and ring Exodust tomorrow.

One tip I got from a friend was to book with her country of origin. It cost her a third of the price. Might be worth a look.

That’s an interesting observation- will check this out too. Thanks

You're welcome @Hasrani. Maybe a shorter break, say 4-5 days, for a first trip might also be worth considering too. Hopefully teen DD will understand a group makes it easier and the positives (and certainly better than no holiday!)

Enjoy your researching if you come back and tell us when you've more idea of where you fancy going, you might get some more recommendations or peoples experience of specific tour operators.

I don’t think a 15 year old and 9 year old will enjoy an organised tour. These are very much geared to adults, often older adults, early starts, long days, a lot of time on the coach, very little free time, and no child/teen friendly activities.

With those ages, if you don’t want to travel independently, I’d be looking at a package holiday to a family friendly resort, or a family friendly cruise.

If you are all active you might enjoy https://www.clublasanta.co.uk/activity/

The accomodation and food is great. Weather is nice winter sun in Feb. You could do activities together as a three, as part of a group or on your own separately. Or you can do nothing, just rest and use the spa. There are interesting trips cultural and landscape if you want to leave the club.

Yes thank you. Looking at intrepid now as well.

I don’t think a 15 year old and 9 year old will enjoy an organised tour. These are very much geared to adults, often older adults, early starts, long days, a lot of time on the coach, very little free time, and no child/teen friendly activities.

Not necessarily, it's a huge industry these days and not the domain of cheap coach travel or pensioner outings it might once have been seen as, with many tours specifically aimed at families with age group friendly activities, less demanding pace ect.

A good operator will also be clear on who a tour isn't suitable for. For example, the tour I recently joined had a minimum age of 18 and a guidance rating to show the fitness level required. Operators I considered also gave itineraries including daily distance covered so you had a clear idea of pace and if it would suit you/your family or not.

Good and bad points to organised group travel but there is a huge range of options available.

I lost my dad when I was 14, first trip after was a wow one, (Mum, me & one of my brothers who was 19). We went to Barbados with Kuoni (was years ago). I spent two weeks snorkelling, learnt to dive which I continued into adulthood and laid on a sun lounger. Made friends with lots of Canadians. Mum had a lovely rest, visited places, watched the cricket and had a lovely rest. Met lots of lovely people too, a few she’s still in touch with & has visited.

what about a cruise?

I think something gentle and contained (with activities you can dip in or out of with no committment) if you are recovering from poor health would be best especially if you only have one week half term. A guided tour sounds like a potentail effort keeping to rigid timetable etc. Cruise sounds easy if not too hectic.

@Snowmanscarf never been on a cruise - would it work for Feb half-term as I thought they are usually for warmer months. And do you think it will be safe for a mum with two kids alone?

Thank you @Tikityboo so far my research hasn’t yielded many escorted tour options during Feb half term suitable for a 9 year old - maybe I am too late.
Someone else has suggested cruise too so I will look into it.
Does a cruise holiday require you to be all dressed up morning to night ? That’s something my teen would not be keen and hard for me too in all honesty. I can put on a lipstick and eyeliner but more of a jumper and jeans person🙈

Sounds like a memorable holiday indeed seeing how you are recalling it with so much joy. I will need to save up for a Kuoni holiday but adding it to my bucket list now thanks.

I dont know @Hasrani - I have never been on one - butI suspect there are different types - some high energy party cruises and others low key maybe focussed on wellness/spa?

thank you @TheWeeDonkeyFella - you are right - G adventures, Intrepid and Exodus all seem to offer some family holidays albeit in terms of ratio, it is much lesser. And yes, some of them are so active blimey - it’s like you have to prepare your body months in advance.
I am speaking to a travel agent hopefully next week to identify something that might work dates wise and budget wise. If anyone has any travel agent suggestions, I would welcome your input.

Let me look into them too - thank you. The other lanzarote option you have suggested looks exciting too but might be more of a hard sell to the teen. But will add that to the list too. Appreciate you sharing the details. Thanks again.

I have been through a very difficult emotional year myself and would only caution not to pin too much magic on a holiday - anything could go wrong out of your control - or even if it goes right it might hard going or might not be as 'healing' as you hoped. Maybe plan to reconnect by looking for the little opportune golden moments each day or doing something simple but meaniful with each of them once a week if you are up to it. Apologies if this sounds preachy - its not meant to be.

I second a couple of posters who said do consider cruises. I've been on seven so far, with three different cruise lines and have really enjoyed them all. It's a very safe environment generally and you'll be well looked after. Three of my trips were with two veggie friends and IME they consistently enjoyed the food.

Choose the right cruise line - for example MSC will be better (and cheaper) IME than Fred Olsen for a teen. Lots of Youtube videos reviewing stuff - I like Gary Bembridge. As someone upthread also said, do a short taster trip - cruises are good at this. And my advice is LEAVE FROM SOUTHAMPTON (or another UK port) and avoid flying.

Plus, as my brother will tell you, you don't have to get off the ship at all! Or pay extra for organised excursions - I certainly don't. Way more fun to walk/take local public transport/whatever.

Would it be a bit grim leaving from Southampton for one week in Feb tho @CrystalSingerFan ?

Absolutely not! (Obvs, if you get seasick, all bets are off. Although seasickness pills are apparently wonderful these days.)

I got back from a Soton cruise to Antwerp and Rouen on Dec 22nd and did Rotterdam, Hamburg, Zeebrugge and Le Havre last year with MSC in early February. It depends what you're interested in. Flying and flopping is a different kind of holiday.

OP asked upthread "Does a cruise holiday require you to be all dressed up morning to night ? That’s something my teen would not be keen and hard for me too in all honesty. I can put on a lipstick and eyeliner but more of a jumper and jeans person"

No. Some people do, love itm and apparentluy have special cruise wardrobes. Lots don't. (Starting with my brother.) I'll go crazy and put a dress on for the one Fred Olsen formal night but that's it. Clean and decent is fine.

Also, you'll almost certainly have a choice between a sit-down meal with waiter/ess service or a buffet for all meals. Your kids will probably prefer the latter.

You're not wrong about having to prep for some of the more adventurous tours @Hasrani! I was out hiking most weekends before my trip 😁 Not suggesting you take on anything too ambitious for your first trip though, more just highlighting there's more to group tours these days than being sat on a coach most of the day as another poster suggested.

Cruises are definitely popular with some of my colleagues with younger families and sound quite informal these days in terms of not having to dress up for meals. There's a cruise forum on TripAdvisor you might find useful. www.tripadvisor.com/ShowForum-g1-i10703-Cruises.html

Travel Agents - haven't used them myself but Hays Travel seem popular up here (northern England) but not sure if they have branches where you are.

Not preachy at all @Tikityboo and in fact this exactly happened this summer when I spent loads on a nice holiday to Srilanka and my teen especially was so grumpy. So you are right and I really appreciate you reminding me of not counting on this too much. Maybe I should repivot this as something future looking am doing for myself and just taking my kids along. And yes, I need to do more smaller special things which I know my teen would especially love. Just the meds are particularly making me drowsy so haven’t been able to do anything this Christmas break.. I really appreciate the genuineness thank you kindly 🤗