Ex won’t return kids passports

[Jesslouisep]

After some advice really,
I have full custody of my kids, there’s no court order in place and have always arranged kids seeing their dad just between the 2 of us. It’s taken some doing but we made it work eventually for the most part.
recently he took them to Disneyland Paris which I consented to and handed over the passports. Now they’re home he’s sent all their clothes back but withheld the passports. He’s saying I can have 1 but not the other; is there anything I can do about this? I want to book a holiday but don’t feel confident doing this until he’s given them to me as he can be very spiteful and I can see him not handing over the passport at all and then our whole holiday having to be abandoned. He was controlling our entire relationship and now I’m finally free I feel like he’s still controlling me.

Report them stolen.

Cancel the passport as lost and buy another one. Let him have his power trip - what a loser.

Report them stolen/lost.

Has he always been a prick?

Yes, report it as lost.

And don't let him see that child until it's cancelled.

Id also report it as lost/stolen and get another one. I’d not trust him again to be reasonable either. I’d be considering getting a court order because he can’t be trusted to be reasonable and really you’d be better with something concrete in place so you knew exactly where you stood and had some protection against him behaving badly before it occurs again.

Could you embarrass him into action by speaking to his parents?

Failing that, get them both reported as lost and buy replacements that you never let out of your sight again as he clearly can't be trusted.

I would be nervous about only cancelling the one he's holding onto as he might decide to report the other one as lost/stolen and you'll only find out when you get to the airport. I would definitely be getting 2 new ones.

Yes always! But particularly so recently, once those passports were in his possession he literally told me I had no control now he was vile the whole time he took them away wouldn’t let me speak to them, prick isn’t strong enough of a word!

That’s my usual tactic is to tell on him! 😂

The Mother's of these useless men must despair of them.

I advised someone to report lost or stolen but they didn't as it said you could be prosecuted if they weren't actually lost or stolen.

Go to court for a child arrangement order. He has far too much power including currently being able to refuse to let you take the DC out of the country, a Cao gives you rights he can't stop.

For those saying ‘report them as lost or stolen’ , he can also report the new passports as lost or stolen. It isn't going to solve it.

In this situation I rang and asked the Passport Office for advice.

They advised there was nothing that they can do as he also has the right to hold the passports.
Both parties also need the permission of the other to take the DC’s out of the country anyway. He could refuse this.

The only formal way was to seek a court order.

Is there a risk that he wants to leave the country with them? Is he originally from the UK or from elsewhere? If you think he might be planning to move abroad with the children you need legal advice ASAP

If he's just being an idiot then it's less scary but still unacceptable. You need to get an official arrangement in place that the children live with you and how often they visit their father. He might try to cause trouble with their living arrangements next. If his mum has influence get ger to return the passports to you.

If there’s no court order you don’t have full “custody” of the kids.

I would apply to the Court for a Specific Issue Order for the return of the passports, including a clause that the passports be returned to you with the children at the end of any future trips.

You let him take them and then he does this? What a fucker.

I don't think you can report them lost or stolen if they weren't. So I'd get some legal advice.

Oh don’t! I would be so ashamed!

It doesn’t matter that he could also do the same to new passports. What matters is that the kids stay in this country. Then she can pursue court etc. But in the immediate situation, he needs to not be able to use the passports. So get them cancelled.

I wouldn’t let him have the children until they are returned, is he the sort that would take them out the country without speaking to you ?

I would get legal advice and definitely set up his access properly.

but cancel the passports and order new ones if that’s possible, technically they’re not stolen so it’s a grey area

Yes. This ⬆️⬆️⬆️

He can't report the new passports as lost/stolen as he won't have the numbers for them and didn't order them

This is what I was going to say, you need to apply for a specific issues order for the passports. You can also apply for a specific issues order for the holiday so he can't block it. But since he's acting l like this I would seriously consider if you need formalised child arrangements so he can't jerk you around. CAO can include something around holidays, like each year either parent can take 1 week/10 days/2 weeks (whatever you both agree) overseas holiday with DC and that passports are to be returned to you at the end of any holidays.

Even if he gives the passports back or you pretend the passports are lost/stollen and can get new ones without his consent he can still block you from going on holidays. You need to formalise arrangements for overseas travel so he can't block you from taking them overseas.

If you have full custody, never let your kids near him again. Ever. Why would you let them spend time with an abuser willingly? (It doesn't matter if he appears to be nice to them) You have to be careful op, or they could end up like him and then you're stuck with two controlling teens in your home.

Though technically you don't have full custody unless there's an order in place to say you do btw.

Cancel the passports. Don't tell him they are cancelled.

Phone the passport office and ask them what to do