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Just how many trips abroad does your other half take without you?

17 replies

honeybunny · 19/12/2002 21:31

Since my dh became a consultant anaesthetist(almost 2yrs) he claims that he has to attend so many conferences/year to gain points towards the govts "consultant continual assessment" programme. So far this has included a 5day trip to Florence, another 5day trip to Barcelona and now (much to my seething jealousy) a weeks trip to Bel Plagne/French Alps. (A ski-ing trip to you and me) This leaves me on my own with 2 smalls (ds1=25mo and ds2=8mo). No parental help within 160miles.

Hang on a minute ....
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH"

Who thinks its reasonable that I go on a weeks ski-ing holiday myself with my recently separated best girlfriend and leave him with my smalls to look after?

(

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bossykate · 19/12/2002 22:03

any chance you could go with him on these junkets? that could be the win/win?

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SueW · 19/12/2002 22:22

My DH is an IT consultant and was first sent overseas about three weeks after I discovered I was pregnant. I've brought our daughter up with him often out of the picture, usually working away Mon-Fri. Now he's between contracts though so he's home fulltime.

He's never been mean about my going away - I've had 5 days in New York and a few weekends or overnights staying with girlfriends whilst he looks after DD.

So yes - you should have a week's skiing yourself. Absolutely one hundred per cent!

I;m with bossykate too - you should be able to swing some of these trips with him. Thanks to DH's job we spent time in the US and I know of other friends who accompany their DH's on business trips with their children -sometimes even negotiating down from business class fghts for one to economy class for the whole family instead.

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susanmt · 19/12/2002 23:05

honeybunny he is having you on! Dh's best friend is also a consultant anesthestist and has been for about 2 years, and he never goes abroad without his wife, and he gets all his points fine in the UK!
Go for your holiday! You deserve it!

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cazzybabs · 19/12/2002 23:25

My dp is going on a round the world yacht race in 2004 for 10 months!!! anbd it is costing a small fortune....am very jealous as want to go tooo!

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eefs · 20/12/2002 09:58

I'm the opposite, my job brings me abroad on average one week every two months, i love the travel and get to see some interesting places, but miss my ds like crazy and each time would honestly prefer to be at home. My dp enjoys me being away too because ds is very attached to me normally and it gives them time to bond. I try and encourage dp to get away on his own because of it, that way i don't feel so guilty about travelling. Honeybunny, you should go on trip and not feel guilty, you need some "you" time too, and think of how refreshed you'd be after a few days of skiing and apré skiing drinks. and how your dh will appreciate how much you do

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honeybunny · 20/12/2002 13:00

Cazzybabs.. is that the BTGlobal Challenge that was before the sponsership changed? A friend of ours did it and was met by his girlfriend in every port of call. Easy enough without children in tow!
I've thought about going with him, but sneakily dh had asked me what I thought about ski-ing this year, and I answered that I thought the children were too young yet. So when I suggested that we join him he immediately reminded me of this!
I know I'm just seething with jealousy, but I don't see why I can't get some me time too.

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honeybunny · 20/12/2002 13:07

susanmt.... He's deliberately looked for the foreign conferences and definitely sees them as a bit of a jolly. The ski-ing one in Bel Plagne is well known for being a "jolly" which is why I'm even more fed up. Especially as he's been invited to speak at it so ALL expenses will be paid.
Why he can't choose UK based ones I've no idea. I suppose he has been to Cardiff this year, and Edinburgh too.

Ooohh.... this is making me feel a little insecure all of a sudden.

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Lindy · 20/12/2002 13:50

Honeybunny - you must arrange your own skiing trip, without children, have a great time! My DH also travels abroad a lot with his job (I assume!!) which also seems to always coincide with either skiing or the international rugby games!! Must admit that I positively enjoy time alone (with DS) - when we had a three week holiday together this year it was a bit too much!
Fortunately DH is also good at looking after DS & giving me time away.

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jac34 · 20/12/2002 17:41

My dh does not travel abroad with work, but does have alot of family living abroad. We usually travel together but recently I went away alone for the first time since we were married.
My sil's and I went to collect my mil from Spain for Christmas in the UK.We only went for a long weekend, but it was great, we shopped all day, got realy glamed up, partied all night and didn't stop laughing and chatting the whole time.It did us all good to get away from our families for a few days.
Dh is taking her back in January, he is also taking his golf partner, for a weekend of golf.
I'm sure it will do him as much good as it did me !!

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Rosy · 20/12/2002 20:16

Honeybunny - I'm confused. Has your dh expressed discontent at you going away without him? If not, the only question is whether you want to be without your ds's for a week. I went away to see my (similarly pg) friend a few weeks ago, and it was great to be able to talk about babies non-stop and not have to think about their practical considerations! (I did get disconcerted about loud music on in the evening though, thinking it was going to wake someone!)

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honeybunny · 20/12/2002 20:50

Hi Rosy- it was the look of amazement and horror on his face when I suggested that perhaps I should take a weeks holiday and leave him in charge, that made me think he wasn't to keen on my going away. And giving up a weeks annual leave to stay at home. On the other hand I'm not entirely sure that I do want to leave ds2 yet (he's only 8mo at the moment and still bf, refusing to take a bottle) and ds1 has been really insecure and needy of Mummy lately since getting over his pneumonia. I cant even go off to the shops without him crying hysterically. So the timing isnt exactly great. If it doesnt come off I'm still determined to have a w/e in a health/beauty spa with my girlie friend. I'm sure the boys would cope for a couple of nights.

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SueW · 21/12/2002 06:54

honeybunny if you have already suggested a week overseas, he should treat your having a weekend at a health spa as getting off lightly and greet it with a sigh of relief!

Maybe next time suggest that you are going to take six months to tour the world

I know how much better my DH has been feeling about looking after our daughter cos last month I suggested going to do a month's intensive TEFL course in Barcelona and he said it would be a good opportunity for me. Only prob is, I don't know if I can cope with a whole month away!

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aloha · 21/12/2002 09:27

Ski resorts have great creches so you can ski and of course you can take them with you to cafes etc. Why not go as a family. If he objects to that you know for sure that this has nothing to do with his career and everything to do with carrying on like a wealthy, pampered single man leaving you with all the responsibility. I'm not surprised you feel resentful. So would I. If you can't go with him (why not?) I would totally ignore the looks of horror etc and book yourself a trip for a few months time. After all, he ignores your feelings! My dh gets lots of opportunities to travel as a journalist - I've lost count of the trips to NY & the Carribbean he's turned down because a/he wants to be with his wife and child and b/because he thinks it would be unfair on me. Mind you, I've told him that the next NY trip he's offered, we're both going and my mum is having ds!

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Janus · 21/12/2002 14:52

honeybunny, my partner is away nearly every month, as far as I can remember this year he has been to Hong Kong, Japan, Moscow, Seville, Dubai (lots), Antigua (best man at a wedding but only there for 3 days so I couldn't be bothered with all the hassle), Prague, Switzerland and lots others in Europe that I can't even remember. It's part of his job, so that he has contact with clients, and I am similarly left with a 2.5 year old and now 24 weeks pregnant (he's just come back this week from one trip). I'm VERY lucky because he has a good job which means I don't have to work and I often travel down to my Mum and Dad's when he's away but it still means hassle and more work for me. I think he's going to have to go away for the whole of February to Hong Kong too (I'll be 7 months pregnant!) and a week's ski-ing in January which I have suggested he go on with the lads (it's his 40th birthday) as I can't do much ski-ing or drinking at 6+ months pregnant!
What have I done for myself? Oh the odd day with a girlfriend, that's about it. You've got me thinking, I think I definitely deserve a long weekend away, by myself, to relax and am going to think about it soon!!!

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honeybunny · 27/12/2002 14:03

Aloha-I've considered going along too, but having nursed my 2yo and 8mo through pneumonia, d+v, further colds and the odd chest infection continuously for the past 3months (without a break of wellness amongst it) I ruled out the creche option as I can guarantee that within a day or two I'd be stuck in a hotel room with 2 smalls with whatever new ailment they'd managed to catch. Just had a completely crap Xmas nursing the 8mo through d+v (poo absolutely everywhere) and the thought of doing it for a moment longer is not something I want to consider.

Still seriously considering the ski trip in March with my girlfriend AND a trip to a health and beauty spa!!

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carriemac · 27/12/2002 18:15

Honney bunny go with him. My DH is also a consultant and i frequently go with him and bring the kids. NB for 12 months after my twins were born he did not leave the country and got all his CPD in the UK

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kkgirl · 27/12/2002 19:03

HoneyBunny

Sounds like you've had a really bad December. You poor thing having to cope with D&V over Christmas.
The health spa break sounds good.
Haven't had experience of my dh being away, he only has to go for the day, but in my current job there are plenty of opportunities for travel and I have been to Paris, Brussels, Norway and the Highlands of Scotland.
It doesn't sound like much but I really enjoyed it, it was like a little holiday for me, although I missed the kids it was such a nice break and I left DH in charge and he supported me going, Can't do any travel at the moment, but I realised life is too short, you have to grab any opportunity you can.
Hope things get better for you soon.

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