DD (17) going away on holiday with friends.

[theferry]

This is terrifying me! DD is planning on going on holiday next summer with friends (she’ll be 18 at that point). DH says we shouldn’t let her go, but she’ll be an adult. She’s a really sensible girl, never had a problem with her. We’ll be paying so we could just say no…. What do you think?

Also, any suggestions for where to go in Spain/Canary islands/Greece that’s safe, near a beach, not far from a town? Not party central (they don’t want that)

damn I should have had a horse when I was younger if I knew it would get me out of having a job!! I went on a girls holiday at her age and paid for it completely on my own.

Some men are very untrustworthy it’s true. We just have to bring our children up as well as we can and hope we’ve done a good enough job that they can get by independently of us when the time comes.

Maybe your DH was that kind of man? She will be 18 and you can’t keep her wrapped in cotton wool. Will she be going off to uni afterwards? You won’t be able to control her when she is there.

It’s more he doesn’t trust men!

Will he trust them any more when she's 19? 24? 35?

She has school, which she struggles with as she has really bad dyslexia and it really slows her down. I’m so proud of how she keeps on fighting at school so have no problem with her not having a
job. She has the horse (it’s a share) for 4 days of the week so it’s not really expensive. School+ horse+ job would be a lot. And there aren’t any jobs around here to be had.

DH has left it up to me WRT the holiday. He’s the one who is struggling with it. I’ve said she can go.

I know how you're feeling, Dd18 went interrailing this summer with two friends after A levels. I didn't show it but I admit I was apprehensive before they went. It went really well and it was a great experience for them. I think it's really helped me too with the learning to let go process.
I do recommend however that you get them to set up a WhatsApp group so they and parents all have each other's numbers. No emergencies fortunately but handy just in case. Also explain the importance of travel insurance!

Well if she's 18 you can't stop her, but you can decline to fund it.

But that means your DD is missing out on life experiences. So the arsehole men he’s worried about win.

I find the idea of women not going on holiday out of fear far worse than the risk of something happening. Of course, instil some safety awareness in her, but she can’t be protected by limiting experiences.

Oh I’ve no doubt that DH wouldn’t be worrying if it were a boy in this situation. But in fairness to him, DD is a young/naive 17 year old. However, she has good friends and I think they will all look after each other.

Of course she should go, it is def a right of passage.
The only thing I would say is a week would probably be enough. I went for 2 weeks at 18 and I'd say I did get to the point I wanted home, we all did tbf, a fortnight for your first holiday abroad might be a bit much.

Yes, they’re planning on 7 nights.

Your husband is displaying his attitude to women (‘prey’) whilst dressing it up as concern about other men. Nasty.

Your daughter is going to be 18 and I would be encouraging her to travel far and wide for a very long time.

Both of my children went to Malta as their post A level holiday. They both had great times- a big mixture of things to do, not just party stuff.

No he’s not. He’s worried about her and I think he’s right to be concerned about her safety in a strange place. Not enough to stop her going, but she absolutely needs to keep her wits about her. Some of these places are meat markets. And stuff like not leaving her drinks. She’s not into drinking and has never been out to a pub (whereas I was out drinking from 16).

He’s more worried about other men and their behaviour towards his ‘vulnerable’ daughter when stats show young men are the most at risk. Misogyny at play, even if it is unconscious.

I think she'll have a wonderful time. I would suggest Alicante city. It is a short taxi or bus ride from the airport (20min in a taxi). There's a fantastic city beach that is busy with all ages and nationalities, the old town is lovely and vibrant with a mix of restaurants, cafes, bars. It has a great market and selection of shops. It feels very safe.

Otherwise my friend's son went as a mixed group to celebrate finishing school to Malta (which they all loved). It doesn't appeal but that's the second teen I've heard going there.

@roobyred thanks! I will pass those suggestions along

It's only natural to be worried when they go on holiday for the first time but your DH saying she's not allowed is not fair.
I'd also be concerned that he's said he's leaving the decision to you, again that's not fair. Would he twist it and blame you if, heaven forbid, something did happen?

She'll be fine.

Unfortunately sleazy men are everywhere and the best thing for you to do is teach your DD how to stay safe, and get her a drink cover!

Anywhere on Lanzarote would be safe, Puerto del Carmen is the main resort but still has a nice family friendly vibe.

Majorca would be good too, maybe not Magaluf if they don't want party central but any of the other resorts. Alcudia/Palma Nova?

My DD did a post-A levels party week with a group to Magaluf and then 5 days in Lanzarote with two friends this summer.

I did worry, but they had a ball. They are as likely to run into dodgy men in their uni city/your nearest town centre, as on holiday. And if she’s not into drinking, she’s less likely to get into tricky situations.

In a year’s time, you will have dropped her off at uni. Between now and then, you need to get her to a point where she’s not naive, knows about keeping herself safe/drinks covered etc/staying with her friends etc.

She'll be 18 and an adult. Natural to worry, but especially if she's with others and sensible, she's unlikely to get into difficulty.

At just 18, DD went to uni over 300 miles away, then at 19 she studied in Germany. She was absolutely fine, had a lovely experience in both locations. She's very socialable, but can soon pick out people and places to avoid.

Life will always be full of arsehole men trying to take advantage. What is he going to do, follow her around her entire life? My DD is 18 and just gone to uni and is being hit on constantly. Yes its worrying but she is a sensible girl, she is an adult, and she knows to always stay with friends and not wander off on her own, and her friends all know to look out for one another. She knows about drink spiking, always has an uber number in her phone etc etc. This is part of the 'letting go' process that we have to do as parents and just trust that you have equipped them as well as you can to deal with this kind of thing and to go out into the world by themselves.

Maybe have a part in the process of where she goes. There are plenty of places where she will have a blast but won't be full of knobheads trying to chat her up. This is exactly the kind of thing she should be doing at her age. Going out, going on holiday and having amazing times and experiences with her friends.

Also just to note, she is 17 now but will be 18 next Summer. It is a long way away and one thing I noticed is that my DD seemed to mature really quickly from 17 to 18 and the naive young girl she was just a year ago is now a mature 18 year old woman.

Please let her go. I fear she will resent you if you don't.

This holiday is potentially nearly a year away, plenty of time to help her build up her independence and for you to support her in making wise decisions. If she was off to uni now she'd be potentially hit on by sleazy giusz they're not just dound in tourist hot spots abroad!

At 18 she will be an adult, she could meet some bloke down the local pub and move in with him, you couldn't stop her!

At 17 I had been at college for a year, living in a flat with my boyfriend, a holiday would be the least of my parents worries. If you don't want to facilitate say no. She will have to get a job and pay herself.

I knew my mother wbu making me work to pay for my horse when I was your daughter's age! 🤣