holiday anxiety, or just don't want to go?

[nyxel]

Looking for advice. My widowed Mum (late seventies) wants me to take her on a particular holiday she's always wanted to go on. She's lovely & I get on fine with her, although don't have much in common.

However, I'm so anxious about the idea of it. It's partly that I'll really miss my own immediate family (I'd have to take my child out of school if they came, which they don't want & I don't want them to), DH isn't really into holidays & I'd need him here to be with our child overnight (age 14). It's also partly that as I've got older (or was it the pandemic?), I've gone off holidays - I feel anxious away from home & miss my home comforts, even when we holiday as a family.

OTOH, I still have that feeling of excitement seeing a new place, having new experiences like I did when I was younger & it would make Mum happy. This is a totally new part of the world for me, that I'd never go to normally & Mum is paying for everything. When I'm not worrying about the plane crashing/missing DD/missing home comforts, I do quite look forward to the idea. If I could bring DD as well, I'd probably 80% want to go, rather than being 50:50 on it.

I can't work out whether I just don't want to go, & I should just bin off holidays generally (bad for the environment & cost a fortune anyway), or whether the anxiety is swaying me to never leave my home again. It's obviously not a general older person thing because people way older than me (I'm early 50s) go on holiday loads.

Don't know what to do: should I assume it's just anxiety, so have a "feel the fear & do it anyway" approach, or assume I don't like holidays, so don't go? I guess I'd have a nice enough time, but I'd probably be itching to get back home to DH/DD & my home comforts.

Holiday anxiety is real...I love holidays, love planning and booking them and love them when I get there, but a week or so before I get the dread feeling mentioned by a PP above. I hate flying, which is where I think it started, but also your fears around Covid at the time are understandable. I also think your age is relevant as anxiety can increase around peri and menopause. I think it's healthy to fight the anxiety as others have said, otherwise it takes over.

I also think it's important to do this for your mum. We lost my mum unexpectedly at 69, after a short illness, and I wish we had had more time to do things with her. We now take an extended family holiday each year with my dad which is lovely (he's 82 now) but we'll never be able to make those memories with mum.

Read, read, read. Books are never boring!

It would be a really lovely thing to do for/with your DM OP and please don't delay if you are going to do it. I'm sure there are people who still happily travel long haul once they get to 80+, but my own parents aren't among them. My DF (who's been all over the world) now confines himself to Europe only and my DM, who's in her mid-70s, recently returned from a rather disastrous LH trip with another family member. She'd been banging on about doing a holiday to this place for years, but when it came to it she didn't really enjoy it. So if you're going to go, go soon. As for you - in your early 50s I'd say 'Feel the fear and do it anyway'. You're too young to be confined by amorphous fears. Maybe just doing this will reignite your enthusiasm for travel and if it doesn't, well then nothing has changed!

I do still travel, that's part of the problem. This year, I've been to Japan with DD, family holiday in Wales & 2 long weekends away hiking. I just want to stay at home for the foreseeable.

It's not the things you do your regret, it's the things you don't.

How lucky are you to:

Still have your Mum
Get on well with her
She is still well enough to travel
She wants to go on holiday with you
She will pay
You have a good support structure at home that means this trip is feasible

You've got all of the above! You are so lucky. Not to be morbid, but your Mum could pass away at any point in the next few years - and I'm telling you from experience, you regret the things you didn't do for/with them, much more than you'll regret the things you do.

You may never have such a chance again.

Go on the holiday.

@AndThereSheGoes snap. I hadn't read the thread when I typed my reply, just the OP, but see now you said the same as I did about regrets. It's so true.

Even if you don’t want to go (which to me it sounds like you don’t, and then you are using your anxiety as an excuse), I think you should suck it up and go for your mum.

I can't see whether you've said where the holiday is to? But given that you've been to Japan this year, it doesn't seem that long haul travel is an issue for you .

I think you should go - for your mum . Your mum may not have that many healthy years ahead of her. Your family will be fine without you - assume that you won't be gone for months !

I think you'll regret it if you don't go .