40th birthday holiday - should we bring our 2 year old or not?

[jimbojc]

I'm thinking of organising a surprise sunny holiday abroad for my wife's 40th birthday next year, the question is - do we bring our 2 year with us or leave at home with grandparents? I'm worried that it won't be relaxing at all with a toddler, but then will she (or both of us) feel guilty not taking our boy? The grandparents would certainly look after him for a weekend, but a week might be pushing it! Any advice would be appreciated from people who have been in similar situations! Thanks :-)

For me a week would have been too long to be apart from my 2 Yr old. But you know your wife... what do you think she'd prefer?

Do grandparent's have your child regularly to stay?

I always would, but it wouldn’t be a holiday for me without our toddler. I’d feel awful leaving him and I’d miss him. Some people are a lot happier with it, and might prefer a holiday without them.

Holidays with toddlers are certainly different, but still good!

Of course you bring your kid if it's more than 1-2 nights.

Unusual to leave a 2 year old with grandparents for a week to go on holiday. Poor child take them with you.

What about a luxury adult only city break over a long weekend as a compromise?

There’s no way I would leave them behind.

I would do 4-5 days max and leave toddler with grandparents. The child will probably love it (if he's used to going to grandmas and loves being there?) and you two get a break alone together as a special treat for a milestone birthday. It's only a few days, adult time is much needed! You can FaceTime every day to your little boy

I’m sure you’re well meaning but please ask your wife what she would want and do that. Definitely do not don’t plan a surprise when you very obviously don’t know what she wants. Being ok leaving your toddler and how long you want to do it for is so personal. The opinions of anyone here are irrelevant. And IDK your financial situation but will a couples trip impact the family holiday budget, or your individual going away budgets? Holidays are a big expense and should always be a joint decision. Talk to her! Plan a great trip together. Have fun!

I'd probably do a long weekend child free if grandparents know the child very well and you think they'll cope.

We don't have any family support and it's really hard to have limited adult only time. If it's a week away I'd take them with you.

Do what works for you and your wife.

you know her well enough to know if she’d be happy being away from your child for that amount of time.

there is absolutely nothing wrong with parents having holidays without their children. You are your own individual people and not just parents who have to be chained to their child.

As a grandparent I would and have happily looked after the children for a weekend but a week would be much too long for me and for the children. And I think a week is definitely too long for a two year old.

Well my next door neighbours have their grandkids every weekend! From Friday night to Sunday night and their parents aren’t working, I think it’s give them a break! So it’s no different to that when you add it up, they practically live with the grandparents.

3 days nights would be absolutely fine.

Thanks for all the quick responses, much appreciated, it's nice to hear people's opinions Just to clarify, I was only thinking of a weekend without our son, if we did a week we would definitely take him with. I think I'll probably go with a weekend break without the boy, so my wife can have some time to relax, we went away with him earlier in the year and it was fun, but I certainly wouldn't call it relaxing! 😝

Please ask your wife what she would prefer. Personally, I would feel guilty the whole time and wouldn’t enjoy more than 24-48 hours away.

DH booked the Maldives for my 40th, and we left our DC behind with our little support team, headed by grandparents. They were 5 and 6 and all they remember was that they had a little present to open from us every nighttime, together with a note - far more exciting than having Mum and Dad around!

Funnily enough, since they've been adults, they want to come on most of our trips - something to do with who's paying! And we love having them with us.

Our DC were very used to staying overnight with GP's, as DH and I both worked full-time and had to travel, which made a difference..

At that age, either 2/3 nights away max without - or just simply bring the grandparents.

Had some great times doing that, if you can organise...you can do 4/5/6 nights away maybe and have a couple to yourselves

All bygone days for us now, but was watching a couple of young families just last week while we were away. Very sweet..but hard work if its 24 hours a day and you're away, ofc.

Either way, get it booked in and enjoy!

Are the DGPs your wife's parents? If so, and if they are smart, could you maybe ask one of them if they can subtly bring up with DW the general question of whether going away with you and without DS, if they babysat, would be "Oh wow, great" or "No way, not even for a night".

By "subtly" I mean not "Jimbo asked us to ask you as he's planning a surprise". 😂

This might also work if DGPs are your parents, of course, but it might be more likely to get DW thinking that you put them up to it.

I'd do a luxury weekend or long weekend.

I'd cut the risk and have it as a present, not a surprise. Ask her what she wants to do.

I would definitely ask your wife, surprises are great but I feel it would be important to determine how she would feel about it given your child's age.

I hope you have an amazing time whatever you do

You're a family now, of course you take your child with you

I could never have left my children at that age, but then we had few options for childcare, but if you did want to give your wife a break then maybe just a night at a lovely spa hotel with amazing food?

I think you have to scrap the idea of it being a surprise and ask her. Me & my husband have had a weeks holiday without the kids every year since they were babies. It's really good for a couple to have time away alone, but as you can see from the answers, it's not the same for everyone.