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Original poster

Taking a friend on holiday

27 replies

ExplodingCarrots · 28/06/2024 13:46

My DD is almost 11 and we've just got back
from a lovely holiday and she said she had a really great time but would like someone to take next time . We did do activities and play in the pool but sometimes me and DH just wanted to sit quietly with a book for a bit and you could see she got a little bit bored in the pool on her own .

Has anyone had experience taking a friend on holiday and was it an overall positive experience ? The friend we have in mind is really sweet , quiet , zero drama and she won't get the opportunity to go aboard with her family as a child because of certain family dynamics (caring responsibilities) .

The only thing putting me off is potential fall outs ..as this can be a tricky age for girls . Also my best friend recently took her DDs friend on a short UK break and the normally nice girl turned into a nightmare on the holiday and was demanding , sulky and rude . So this has set me back too .

There's also the issue of it causing issues between other friends and wondering why this girl was 'picked' and not others .

OP posts:
trextape · 28/06/2024 13:50

never would
select hotels with great kids activities
my two always get involved with the water polo, archery , table tennis etc comp around the pools during the day

trextape · 28/06/2024 13:50

although maybe if i had an only child id consider

Sue152 · 28/06/2024 13:54

Could you take them away for a weekend somewhere in the UK as a tester first to see how it goes? I know lots of people who do it though and it always seems to be fine.

pinkdelight · 28/06/2024 13:55

Only when they're older. As well as the falling out issue, I'd worry an 11yo might miss her own family too much. I took a friend along from 14 when we're were more independent of parents. At 11, we went away with other families and I'd play with cousins/friends kids. If that's not an option then a place with kids activities would help them make friends on holidays. But I think it's a lot to ask for an 11yo to leave their family - their parents would miss them too.

Original poster
ExplodingCarrots · 28/06/2024 14:43

Their parent really wants them to go because they feel guilty they can't take them.

My DD won't join in the kids clubs . We always encourage her and she says no . The only time she's made friends is at a destination with lots of American and Canadian families and the children were a lot more confident and approached my DD asking to play and she was happy then .

Good point about taking the girl on a short UK break. Will look into that . I'm also nervous that I'm going to be responsible for her on her first trip on a plane .

They've been friends since they were 4 and never fallen out but it's just the worry if they do after it's all been booked .

OP posts:
Pritas · 28/06/2024 15:30

I have some experience of this but not quite the same. We have two DSs and on a few occasions when they were older teens took a girlfriend with us. Also when around 14 took a friend.
In every case we paid for everything for the friend, they just brought pocket money.
DS2 was invited several times to go on holiday with a friend who was an only, fully paid by them.
All went really well except for one issue with health. So make sure the friend is covered on yours on their own policy and that you know of any health issues.
My friend with an only always went on holoday to Neilson resorts where there is wall to wall group activity.

trextape · 28/06/2024 16:56

ExplodingCarrots · 28/06/2024 14:43

Their parent really wants them to go because they feel guilty they can't take them.

My DD won't join in the kids clubs . We always encourage her and she says no . The only time she's made friends is at a destination with lots of American and Canadian families and the children were a lot more confident and approached my DD asking to play and she was happy then .

Good point about taking the girl on a short UK break. Will look into that . I'm also nervous that I'm going to be responsible for her on her first trip on a plane .

They've been friends since they were 4 and never fallen out but it's just the worry if they do after it's all been booked .

so you’ve already asked the friend’s parents?

well bit late for this thread

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 28/06/2024 17:02

I went on holiday at 8 yrs old I with a friend, sister and her friend around 14 and her parents, it actually worked amazingly well and I wonder now how her parents managed 4 kids! They weren't strict disciplinarians either.

The 4 of us had a double room so shared beds, with the parents in a room with connecting doors. My parents paid the flight and spending money, friends parents for hotel, food and activities. It was brilliant, I still have such fond memories and great photos. Friend and I would order sorbet from the restaurant and not understand why we got so giggly after, after a while it was discovered that the sorbet had alcohol in it 😂

MissPeaches · 28/06/2024 17:03

trextape · 28/06/2024 13:50

never would
select hotels with great kids activities
my two always get involved with the water polo, archery , table tennis etc comp around the pools during the day

Your TWO. That’s completely different than an only child.

Original poster
ExplodingCarrots · 28/06/2024 17:09

@trextape nope I havnt directly asked . The mum keeps heavily hinting at me taking her . I havnt agreed or said it might be possible because of the concerns I have above .

OP posts:
Original poster
ExplodingCarrots · 28/06/2024 17:11

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 28/06/2024 17:02

I went on holiday at 8 yrs old I with a friend, sister and her friend around 14 and her parents, it actually worked amazingly well and I wonder now how her parents managed 4 kids! They weren't strict disciplinarians either.

The 4 of us had a double room so shared beds, with the parents in a room with connecting doors. My parents paid the flight and spending money, friends parents for hotel, food and activities. It was brilliant, I still have such fond memories and great photos. Friend and I would order sorbet from the restaurant and not understand why we got so giggly after, after a while it was discovered that the sorbet had alcohol in it 😂

That sounds so much fun Grin DD and this friend have so much in common and love swimming and water parks and know they would have a great time .

Also , would I need to do anything to prove I have permission to take her out of the country in case they ask at the airport ?

OP posts:
trextape · 28/06/2024 17:33

looming heck she’s got a cheek
heavily hinting she wants her child to go on holiday with you

trextape · 28/06/2024 17:34

center parcs would be perfect for them and you!

Original poster
ExplodingCarrots · 28/06/2024 18:02

trextape · 28/06/2024 17:33

looming heck she’s got a cheek
heavily hinting she wants her child to go on holiday with you

I think it's just because she can't take her and she feels her DD is missing out . I do feel for her . They do have holidays in the UK though . She 'jokes' about me taking her but it's very obvious she's hinting . I will consider a short uk break like a previous poster said and go from there .

OP posts:
trextape · 28/06/2024 18:03

do you think she’ll expect you to pay?

Sconeswithnutella · 28/06/2024 18:10

I’ve done it. Said friend’s parents paid for her flights and accommodation and gave her some spending money (admittedly I chose to not take money from her for meals out of the hotel because I could afford to). It was really lovely. The girls had a great time together and were really respectful and decent with the rest of the family. I think it was easier that my painfully shy DD had a friend, she was much happier and less dependent on us. I’m responsible for 32 children on a daily basis so the responsibility side didn’t worry me. You treat her as you would your own, if you decide to take her.

GrandShow · 28/06/2024 18:15

I have taken a friend when only taking one of my DDs. She has also been on holiday with her friend.
BUT she was 14 upwards, I wouldn't risk taking an 11 yr old for anything more than 3 or 4 days.

If the girls fall out/child becomes homesick/child proves to be unable to sleep away from her parents etc the whole atmosphere of the holiday will change.
I'd honestly wait a couple of years

Cesarina · 28/06/2024 18:44

@ExplodingCarrots
Sorry, but I think your DD's friend's mother has got a bloody cheek dropping what seem to be unsubtle hints. Her inability to take her DD abroad is not your problem and please don't take her because you feel guilty - try and set that issue aside.
Some years ago we took my DD's friend away with us on a UK narrowboat holiday - my daughter was 15 and the friend a few years younger, (she was a neighbour and the 2 girls spent a lot of time together). So obviously a fair bit older than your DD and friend.
It wasn't great! The friend had not brought any spending money with her, (despite her parents being high earners), and only helped with simple day-to-day chores after being asked - and even then it was very reluctantly.
That being said, my daughter did enjoy her company most of the time, so it worked well for her but not for us.
If you do take the friend away with you, obviously you need to decide who pays for her to go. I would also advise you discuss with her mum what the expectations should be about spending money for extra incidentals/activities, etc.
This is what I wish we'd done, but didn't expect the girl to come with absolutely no money at all, so it hadn't occurred to us that it would be an issue!
Let us know what you decide!

MartyFunkhouser · 28/06/2024 18:45

I would do it if we had an only child.

trextape · 28/06/2024 18:46

it doesn’t bode well that she’s heavily hinting that you take her daughter away on a family holiday irrespective of her own circumstances

Original poster
ExplodingCarrots · 28/06/2024 21:12

She doesn't expect me to pay . She has said she'd pay. I don't feel guilt tripped at all because I know her DD still has some form of holidays . I know my DD would have much more fun with company . It is the worry the dynamic will change and I won't be able to fully relax .

OP posts:
trextape · 28/06/2024 21:15

ExplodingCarrots · 28/06/2024 21:12

She doesn't expect me to pay . She has said she'd pay. I don't feel guilt tripped at all because I know her DD still has some form of holidays . I know my DD would have much more fun with company . It is the worry the dynamic will change and I won't be able to fully relax .

so less hinted
more directly asked

trextape · 28/06/2024 21:16

i wouldn’t do abroad with an 11 year old
especially one who has barely if at all travelled

def weekend. def UK

rookiemere · 28/06/2024 21:20

Yes we have done it a few times with different DCs depending on who DS was friendly with at the time. It always worked well.
If you take them abroad, get the parents to write a letter giving their authority- there's templates if you google.

EffinMagicFairy · 28/06/2024 21:23

I went on holiday with a friend when I was 11, long time ago, camping, I got ill in the night and couldn’t stop throwing up everywhere, ended up in hospital with appendicitis, friends family were lovely and stayed at hospital until my mum flew over, they probably never took a friend away again.