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Holiday without other parent

10 replies

Cording1 · 08/05/2024 15:04

Will try to keep this short as there is a lot to this!

I am divorced from my daughters biological dad. Had a non mol against him as he was not a very nice person. My daughter hasn't seen him since she was 1.
Since then, we have moved on and my partner has taken my daughter on as his own. She thinks he is her Dad and for now - that's how I want it to stay. No need for her to know any different at the young age of 6.

Before the non-mol ended, he was arrested for crimes against a minor - I won't go into detail but he has since come out of prison and on probation plus certain types of registers. Feel utterly disgusted to have been linked to such a man.

I want to change our surnames to my partners surname but when I contacted the probation about seeing if he would give permission - he wanted to know what it was being changed to which I don't feel comfortable to disclose with him and just feels like another form on control. I wanted to then do a specific court order but was advised that I'd probably be best to do a prohibited steps order.

I filled out the court forms to do this but my current partner isn't really showing much in the way of support as he hates any drama and doesn't want to see me stressed through court. My problem is, we are planning our first family holiday abroad. I managed to get her passport ok without needing my ex for any paperwork. We are looking at going to Tenerife, but I am absolutely terrified we will get there and they will want to see proof that her biological father has given permission for her to go on holiday.

Feel like I'm in such a difficult situation. All I want to do is give my daughter the best memories and take her away but this man still has a hold on us because of parental rights. I really don't understand how a man like him has things in place that protect all children from him apart from my own.

Has anyone been to Tenerife and asked for a letter to show permission?

Me and my daughter have the same surname still.

OP posts:
Spacecowboys · 08/05/2024 15:38

I have taken my dcs on holiday loads of times without my dp ( their dad) . Never been asked to provide any thing and I don’t actually share the same surname as dc’s.

goldenretrievermum5 · 08/05/2024 15:39

Don’t overcomplicate things and wait to change your surnames until she is older. I’m From experience they didn’t question me taking DD away alone whatsoever

Psychoticbreak · 08/05/2024 16:33

Never been asked about my kids father in all their years of going on hols and they are teens. Who is to say a letter will show proof of anything anyway? Anyone can type or write up a letter. The way I see it is if I have the passport that shows I have legal responsibility and if questioned on it I would say same.

TizerorFizz · 08/05/2024 16:41

Of course you can go on holiday with DD. Your partner is a separate person and you have parental responsibility.

I would hold off changing names though. Get married first! Also DD will get confused this time if your relationship falls through. What if you went to keep changing names? Your partner is right. Don’t confuse things even more. Why the need to change anything?

jeaux90 · 11/05/2024 11:16

OP does she have the same surname as you?

Do you have a CAO because usually they state you can take them out the country for up to 30 days.

If she doesn't have the same surname as you, you may get asked to see her birth certificate and permission letter from her biological father unless you have a CAO.

I traveled with my DD for years, she has a different surname and yes I was checked on multiple occasions.
As I have a CAO now it's much easier, I also changed her name at the same time.

mitogoshi · 11/05/2024 11:21

I would not worry too much, three of you going through security at a busy airport, they won't notice different surnames nor question it

Floralnomad · 11/05/2024 11:26

Your daughter needs to know that her ‘dad’ is not her biological father , do not put off telling her as the older she gets the more complicated that conversation becomes .

jeaux90 · 12/05/2024 11:13

mitogoshi · 11/05/2024 11:21

I would not worry too much, three of you going through security at a busy airport, they won't notice different surnames nor question it

This is wrong. I have been stopped many times with my daughter, they check this because of trafficking.

OP you seriously need to ignore this.

ZombieBoob · 12/05/2024 11:23

You can get an order easily enough that allows you to take your child out the country for 28days without permission. That will be the easiest route. Name changing is alot harder you might find double barrelling easier to get through courts.

goldenretrievermum5 · 13/05/2024 14:22

mitogoshi · 11/05/2024 11:21

I would not worry too much, three of you going through security at a busy airport, they won't notice different surnames nor question it

This isn’t about security, it’s about going through immigration where the border force officers most definitely do pay attention to these things - it’s their job to spot child trafficking.

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