On holiday with dad

[Fedup2990]

Hi all,

im a bit worried at what I’m doing is wrong for my other child.
So I have 2 children by 2 different dads and recently the eldest one has been going on holiday with his dad (whom I am not with anymore) He took him abroad last year which I said could happen every couple of years. I have another younger child and we can’t afford to go every year.
he has brought up again about taking him away this year also, I just wanted to know what everyone thought on him going away every year and my other child not going away for about 3 years. The eldest is 12 and the youngest is 9. I feel bad not letting the eldest go on holiday with their dad but also I feel bad for our youngest. I don’t want to drive a wedge between them.
many help would be much appreciated
thanks

It wouldn't be fair on the oldest to stop them going.

That’s a really tricky situation.
While your eldest is away, could you and your youngest have a really special day out together? Sports match or theme park or something they would really love?

I wouldn’t stop him going but at the same time I don’t want it to cause a wedge between him and our youngest. Also we did take our youngest do something they really wanted to do and it was a lovely time. I’m more in fear of causing a wedge between them and the youngest one thinking he’s ‘missing out’ or the eldest ‘gets to do everything’ it’s a really tricky one. Also is every year a bit extreme ?

But if you do stop him going because it's not fair on the youngest it's going to make the older DS resentful. So also a wedge.

100% it’s a lose lose situation I feel. I have to try and keep them both happy at the same time as not causing a wedge between them. Hmm

You can only do your best to make the time alone with your youngest special, so they don’t feel like they’re missing out, and obviously teach the older one to be tactful when speaking about any holidays they are going on.

You shouldn’t even be considering stopping your eldest going, It’s a fact of life that not everyone gets the same opportunities, as long as they are both treated fairly and equally by YOU the rest of the time, that’s all that really matters.

@Fedup2990
Unfortunately you can't stop the eldest from going, it's not is faulty his younger brother doesn't get away, your youngest is old enough to understand they have different days so will get different thing.

My brother has a daughter and she has a brother to a different daddy, my brother takes her away every year went to flordia this year, or goes to Spain, no way would it be right for her mum to stop her, that's things that happen when you have kids to different daddy's they won't always get the same.

They are not equal because they have 2 different fathers. I don't think it's fair, and would cause (me) resentment as a kid if I wasn't allowed to do things with my dad, because it wasn't seen as fair to my sibling. They need to be taught that there will be different opportunities cause of their situation, but that you will ensure that there home life with you is 'equal' it's tough, and I understand your concerns, but at the same time, the way you currently are thi king about dealing with it also holds a big risk of causing issues in their relationship.

I don’t think you should prevent your eldest going away with his dad. I can understand your predicament though.

You can’t stop your eldest going away with his dad, just make the time alone with your youngest as special as possible. It doesn’t need to be expensive, let him pick his favourite meals, give him lots of one to one time etc.
Children all have to learn that others will have things they want, it’s life.