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Original poster

I feel like I'm not having fun on holiday...

23 replies

Amskis · 06/10/2023 04:46

Just a rant I guess but I want to get it off my chest...

For some context we (me, DH, DD 14 mo and MIL) have come on a short holiday to Spain from the UK, to practice with my DH getting on a plane. He's not good with flying and my sister is getting married in Cyprus next year which me and DD need to attend as we are in wedding party and I wanted DH to try to come with.

So DH got on the plane all well and good, but I've been lumped with DD duties a lot while they've been having fun. To be fair my MIL is helping a little but I have to basically beg for this or be in such a distraught state that they've noticed. DD has also been a bit clingy and sometimes only mummy will do. I've tried to stay up and have a couple of drinks on the balcony in the evenings while DD is asleep, but I know if I don't get to bed at a good time then I'll be tired in the morning when I have to get up with DD (who is not sleeping great and has been getting up super early in the morning).

It's our first "proper" holiday with DD and although I'm trying to make it fun for her I feel like I'm being taken for granted a little and I'm just too tired to enjoy any respite I've been getting because of this.

I'm now worried that when we go to Cyprus next year this will be the same issue except I won't have MIL to help. I know my family will be there, but as my sister is getting married she will be too busy to have any time with her and my mother has expressly said she won't as she wants to enjoy herself and rightly so 😅

I guess I just needed to write some things down and rant, thanks for reading if you did!

OP posts:
Alstroemeria123 · 06/10/2023 04:59

Why isn’t your DH doing his fair share of the childcare? Is he your DD’s father? If so, tell him to get off his arse and parent his child while you go and enjoy yourself.

Olika · 06/10/2023 05:00

Alstroemeria123 · 06/10/2023 04:59

Why isn’t your DH doing his fair share of the childcare? Is he your DD’s father? If so, tell him to get off his arse and parent his child while you go and enjoy yourself.

Was about to say this.

pinkfondu · 06/10/2023 05:05

Is he like this at home?

Original poster
Amskis · 06/10/2023 05:15

I have tried to get DH to do stuff and I could probably get 30 mins max while i have a shower/drink/wee, but he has been quite anxious as we still do have to get a plane back!

He's not like this at home and is a great dad, I get a lot of me time and we share parenting duties pretty equally outside of working hours.

OP posts:
Wtfnowseptember · 06/10/2023 05:26

You need to set up a timetable now. Your turn tonight for a late drink and lie in. I can't imagine how he could disagree and that would make him a selfish knob. Also you need a couple of hours to yourself this afternoon to go for a wander round the shops and have lunch/a nap.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 06/10/2023 05:31

After lunch launch dd at him and mils direction. He managed to get on a plane there he’ll be fine going back. Go shopping, have a nap, drink cocktails then see them at dinner time.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/10/2023 06:16

I used to have a really bad fear of flying. Valium bad.

I still wouldn't be incapable of looking after my child on holiday. I suspect the truth is that he wants an actual holiday and you looking after her is the only way of getting one. Plus with his mum there he has someone to hang out with plus a witness in case you go ballistic.

Tell, don't ask, for several hours off.

pinkfondu · 06/10/2023 06:57

Amskis · 06/10/2023 05:15

I have tried to get DH to do stuff and I could probably get 30 mins max while i have a shower/drink/wee, but he has been quite anxious as we still do have to get a plane back!

He's not like this at home and is a great dad, I get a lot of me time and we share parenting duties pretty equally outside of working hours.

So if he's not like this normally is he just a bit over excited at actually getting away or is he feeling he has to look after his mum?

Either way you need to spell it out to him and do not accept the he's on holiday excuse!

HernesEgg · 06/10/2023 06:59

I don’t see how his anxiety about flying home translates into ‘I’ve forgotten my toddler needs to be looked after’?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 06/10/2023 07:01

As a pp says, tell rather than ask. Present it as statements - So if I get up with DD tomorrow, then after lunch I’m going to have a siesta by the pool with my book and you can do your shift with her.

Original poster
Amskis · 06/10/2023 07:03

After not getting to sleep until 7 local time, after getting DD back to sleep at about 5am, she's just woken up now and I think I'm ready to demand some time to sleep!

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · 06/10/2023 07:06

Be more assertive - tell your husband he needs to help with childcare.

It shouldn't be split between you (90%) and his mum!

wildwestpioneer · 06/10/2023 07:24

He may well be anxious. But he can anxious whilst getting up with the baby every other morning and let you sleep!

Pizzalover46 · 06/10/2023 07:43

So DH got on the plane all well and good, but I've been lumped with DD duties a lot while they've been having fun.

Well, he's obviously not so anxious he can't have fun, so it's time he starts pulling his finger out and parenting, too.

Don't make excuses for him OP.

AutumnAuntie · 06/10/2023 08:53

I agree do a rota with your DH, hey I’m having two hours off this afternoon, you had your turn this morning. Don’t channel any energy into thinking what your MIL is doing or not doing to help.

SquishyGloopyBum · 06/10/2023 08:58

This is odd. Flying anxiety does not equate to not having to do any parenting on holiday.

Plus, If he's anxious about the return flight home, keeping busy with childcare would be a good distraction too.

You need to pull him up on this. He's taking the piss.

Covidwoes · 06/10/2023 10:49

@Amskis your DH needs to step up. His plane anxiety isn't an excuse. DH and I took turns playing with the kids (5 and 2) in the pool on our holiday this year, or we all did things together. I'd be assertive, and just say 'Today I'm having some time to myself, so you can take DD'. End of story.

Original poster
Amskis · 06/10/2023 11:49

I have stood my ground and having a relaxing afternoon in the sun by the pool! Shame I had to get to the end of my thether to have it, but I'm definitely going to make sure we take turns the rest of the week! 😊

OP posts:
ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 06/10/2023 12:38

As an aside to the issue of who does what on your holiday ....

Suggest that your DH visit his GP for some advice around managing his anxiety around flying . I take diazepam and it helps hugely . I have seen it said that many GPs no longer prescribe this, so they may suggest something different but definitely worth looking into .

Original poster
Amskis · 06/10/2023 13:36

He's been seeing a therapist for about a year to get to this point! They did suggest diazepam but he didn't want to take it, wanted to try and focus on breathing and muscle relaxing exercises which helped on the plane!

OP posts:
ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 06/10/2023 16:34

I think there's room for both - I try to do the calm thoughts stuff but I find that the medication just takes the edge off - I just take one low dose tablet . I don't take them any other time . Up to him - but I do think it helps .

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/10/2023 17:29

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 06/10/2023 16:34

I think there's room for both - I try to do the calm thoughts stuff but I find that the medication just takes the edge off - I just take one low dose tablet . I don't take them any other time . Up to him - but I do think it helps .

This too. Valium is wildly addictive but my GP, years ago, would literally have me show the tickets and give me four pills for four flights.

I find sudoku works. It's basically grounding and using another system in my brain to take focus away from the scared arts.

Interestingly once I started flying with DD all my focus was on not scaring her, and if something bad happened making sure she was either OK or I protected her from fear. So child activities are actually good for this. Make him do more!

Nipplesrus · 06/10/2023 18:13

Stop indulging this nonsense. Why would he be in such a high state of anxiety that he can ignore his wife and child, but still manage to have fun?

Kindly, you need to toughen up. Kids are hard work. Don’t feel resentment, speak up to get what you need.

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