Family holiday dilemma

[Mab1978]

Hi all would really lke
your opinion on this. So this year we as a family was meant to go abroad 1st time since covid . 1 blood son and wife’s 19 year old, however the 19 year old has decided he does not want to go. Now my wife feels like she can not go because she feels like he’s not capable of looking after himself. She has told me to take my 13 year old so he doesn’t miss out. I’m not keen for various reasons, such as I would feel incredibly bad for my wife, secondly what if I get I’ll or something while away there is no one to
look after my 13 year old. I maybe being stupid but would really like some opinions . I am just incredibly annoyed that because he doesn’t want to go my wife misses out and then we have the guilt. Also my 13 year old would miss his mum terribly. Any advice appreciated

I would feel I had done a very poor job of parenting if my adult child couldn’t fend for themselves for a week or two. Is your step son disabled or ill in anyway?

Its batshit, is she using him as an excuse?

does the 19 year old have some specific additional needs? Because otherwise it is very worrying if he can’t look after himself for a week.

Are you sure your wife isn’t using it as an excuse? it gives a terrible impression to your 13 year old also.

anyway go with your 13 year old DS but make sure it’s somewhere with plenty of other kids and activities. You will both have a great time if it’s somewhere you can keep him entertained. Might be a lovely bonding experience.

Is it a control or anxiety thing on your wife’s part.

As soon as my DC are 18 I’ll be off for a couple of months at a time and if they are still at home they will have to cope. I have put gases home care cover for all electrics and plumbing emergencies and informed them if it’s not clean when I get back they will be paying for a cleaner. DC can both drive and we have an A and E down the road. Do you live in the countryside?

Typos it’s late!

Hi all he just very dependant on his mum
still. He is
just up her arse all the time but now just decided he doesn’t want to go. I think knowing his mum
probably would not leave him. Maybe he feels if myself and his brother are away he will get his mum to himself. He does monopolise his mum
anyway my 13 year old does not get a look in
my wife seems genuine when she says she does not see why we should miss out. But hey maybe it’s an excuse to get me away lol

Very few 19 year olds would not cope without Mummy for a week. Most 18 year olds go off to Uni on their own to learn to be independent. It's good for them to do this. I think your wife is being ridiculous and unfair to you and your 13 year old. He is so much younger yet she thinks he can cope without Mummy for a week?

I would feel incredibly bad for my wife

Absolutely valid concern which shows your empathy for your wife.

what if I get I’ll or something while away there is no one to
look after my 13 year old

Random weird concern which makes me suspicious about your entire family set up (leaving aside the odd dynamic around the 19 year old).

what if I get I’ll or something while away

I travel on my own with my DC all the time and that thought has never even occurred to me. I'm sure you can figure something out. If you're really in a coma or something, your 13yo can call your wife and make some arrangements, like flying him back as an unaccompanied minor.

Staying home to look after a 19-yo adult without any special needs is really odd though.

Although he really shouldn't need supervision, can he go stay with family/ his dad? What does he do with his time, work/ education?

Would you be happy and trust him if eldest stayed home alone?

Your 13 year old should be able to enjoy a holiday with both parents, not sure why your wife is allowing the eldest to sabotage it.

I was travelling solo in Europe at 17 and my mum would go to England to see her family or friends and I would keep a look out for my brother who was 3 years younger. Telephones existed then and now. I travel solo with my daughter, who is 5 and if I ever fall ill, so ill that I cant look after her, telephones exist and so do the relevant authorities.
I don´t want to be rude but the set up around that 19 year old is weird to say the least. She is making him incompetent. Young women don´t usually fall for that shit any more. He needs to be left so he can grow up! Not the other way round!

Wife is an idiot. Tell son he has choice holiday or he stays with responsible adult as he WONT be staying alone in your house
we did this DD stayed with her strict but lovely Aunt . She appreciated us more when we got home