Travel with in laws

[Grn20122015]

My in laws love travelling with extended family. Once a year or every 2nd year they're trying to plan a big trip. I've never liked these trips and they've progressively gotten bigger over the years. More distance to travel involved. Because we all mostly live in different locations they now offer to pay for the travel and some costs like a few days accommodation to bribe us to come along. We're all married, with kids. And we all want different holiday styles. E.g.My SILs are not very physically active. There's 8 adults and 6 kids of different ages from 15 down to 7. We don't want the same kind of holidays. My husband and SILs can never say no to their Mum. I don't travel with my side of the family so should I have to with the other side? I don't want to travel with my in laws and would rather travel just with my husband and kids. Can I say no if they're offering to pay for some of it?

Decline politely

Could you stay at home and DH goes w DC?

"Can I say no if they're offering to pay for some of it"

Of course? You can say no if they're offering to pay. Why can't your DH say no to his mum?

Honestly it doesn't sound particularly fun! Send DH and DC on their own if DH really is unable to decline (but that's a whole other issue) and spend some time relaxing on your own?

It's an invite not a summons

But when else do the cousins all get together?
There must be somewhere that caters for all the ages. So maybe make suggestions on where is suitable.

Or let DH go with the kids and you have a different week off save a weeks summer childcare.

Of course you can decline , tell husband ti go with kids if he's not willing to say no.
Sounds like my idea of hell.

Your DH can go with the DC if he wants.

It would be my idea of hell.

I only go on special trips now like MIL’s 70th. DH takes DS without me. It’s great.

We only go on holiday with my side of the family. We did take MIL once, but she did nothing except complain, so we haven’t done it since.

DH sometimes comes, sometimes doesn’t and sometimes only comes for part of the time.

i don’t think you always need to go.

Call DH's bluff.
Suggest to him that he and the kids go with IL's.
Then suggest that you and DC will have your own holiday.
Set a matched budget for each holiday.
I'd bet he'd be able to say no to his DM when he thinks separate holidays wouldn't phase you.

Could you just send your DH and the DC? My DC love this sort of holiday because they really enjoy spending time with all of their cousins.

This ^^ He'll have plenty of backup with the children and I expect they'll have a good time.

Another thought - why not be upfront and say that as we all like to do different things, could we go somewhere where there are lots of different activities so people can pick and choose, i.e., do their own thing during the day and then get together for dinner?

My eldest SIL is talking about a multi-generational family holiday next year and like your DH's family, there's a huge range of activity levels/interests. So that's how we phrased it -we need a destination that caters to everyone's needs.

Does going on these holidays mean you miss out on the family holidays you want? If no I would be inclined to go along with it for the sake of the kids and carve out as much me time as you can or just be brave and do what you want. If yes it would be a hard no, other than for a big occasion. DS1 has gone away with his in laws from time to time, he really likes them and they pay for most things but he has said to me recently he would happily stay home while his wife and child go but it makes his wife happy so he goes with it.