Think other family are going to pull out of holiday

[holidayhonesty]

We're due to go on a villa holiday with another family in a few weeks. I have a horrible feeling the other family are going to pull out last minute. Every time I mention the holiday it's either ignored/glossed over or the subject is changed quickly. I know via one of their DC that two of them (the mum and one child) don't have passports yet - the child has been told they have an urgent appointment booked at the passport office, but I'm not sure.

They have some money worries and one of their DC (the one without the passport) has quite bad behavioural problems (no diagnosis). I think it's possible those things combined might be the reason they don't want to go. Mum/wife has form for pulling out of things last minute and making up excuses to not do things because she struggles with anxiety. To be clear I understand how crippling anxiety is - I've battled it myself - but it's the lies/excuses that bother me. I would rather honesty.

We asked repeatedly and explicitly before booking flights and paying for the accommodation if they were sure they wanted to go. We said, and really meant it, that we would understand if they couldn't/didn't want to.

These are good, close friends. It would probably be the end of the friendship if they pull out though.

Not sure what the point of this is! I think I have to ask them directly about it but I am dreading it.

Yep you can. You can't check in online without them though.

Can you offer their half of the villa to another family so you don't lose out financially? Just let them know that you've offered it so they don't book flights. It doesn't sounds like they've booked flights anyway.

The family haven't actually pulled out thought.

I would be very wary, that if they do pullout and have financial worries, you are not going to see the villa money back

Absolute madness to book and pay for the villa before they’d paid you.

It would certainly have been if we hadn't explicitly discussed how and when they would pay us back. And also they have a perfect track record of paying anything they have ever owed us in the past.

There could be anything going on behind the scenes - issues in their marriage, waiting for test results - if they choose not to go and they pay their way then you just need to accept that - even if it is “just” anxiety or even if they don’t want to share the reason with you.

Just focus on enjoying your own family and having a great time with your kids - teach them resilience when disappointing things happen - turn it around.

Why would it be the end of the friendship? Can you not respect their choice? Or has this happened lot or other stuff that it’s the last straw?

If the DW is an anxious type, she probably can't think straight about the details until they have the passports.

It sounds positive that an emergency appointment has been booked.

That is a good point. It is very possible she is really stressed about the passports (understandably!) and doesn't want to get too excited or engaged until they are sorted.

God they sound painful.
I really hate that selfish crap.

Why have you not just asked them? I would never go away with anyone that wasn't family or a very close friend, I would never go away with people I couldn't be honest with and ask a question about whether they'd booked a flight and what their intentions were.