Can my MiL get her money back if I pull out of the trip?

[Whatsthatspookynoise]

She is lovely and she's paid for flights for all of us to the country she comes from at the end of this year. I didn't really want to go in the first place, but it meant a lot to her that me and the kids come as well.

I need to leave my partner as he is awful to me. MiL doesn't know any of this. I can't go on that holiday with him. I need to know if she can get her money back if I say I am not going? The tickets were very expensive. I really hate the idea of upsetting her.

you didn’t want to go and you are splitting up with her son.
Her losing money isn’t your problem is it?

If her son is behaving badly towards you the cost of the flights is irrelevant

It depends on the flights. She might be able to get a refund, or a credit for a future flight, or nothing at all.

Don’t worry about this. If she’s genuinely lovely, she wouldn’t want you to stay with him for this.

OP, you sound lovely to be concerned about your MIL losing money. However, this is one of those situations where you definitely have to put your own needs first. You can't go on holiday with your soon-to-be-ex partner, whether she gets her money back or not. It would be awful for everyone.

I think you need to have an honest conversation with your MIL to explain the situation. She will probably be upset, but she will have to accept it. You have to do what's right for you.

Maybe , maybe not, depends on the terms of the booking. Would she not still want dc to go though?

The money isn't the issue. She's going to be upset anyway whatever you do and you can't base your decisions on keeping her happy. The truth is that her son, your stbx, is a nasty piece of work. Whether she is upset by the process of learning and accepting this and understands what you have been going through, or whether she is one of those who can't believe what a woman says about her golden boy and blames you for everything, either of those will be way more upsetting than the loss of the holiday money. You are focusing on the money as a distraction from the main point. You can't defray this upset by making sure the financial impact is minimised.

Well you aren't going to go and the reason is her son is a dick. He can reimburse her!

Put yourself first and be safe.

The sooner you tell her the better

Don't worry about the flights. Depending on how nasty he gets I don’t think I’d be rushing to give him permission to take the kids back to MIL home country when the holiday comes around either!

Is the country signed up to the Hague convention? Would your partner keep the dc there if you don't go.

If my son was abusive to his wife in this situation, I would insist that you are welcome to come with the children and my son would not be. The only thing he'd get from me would be a slap and an earful about how he wasn't raised like this. The last thing I'd be concerned about is the lost money for his/your tickets. If your mil is as lovely as you say then I think you need to talk to her and hopefully she will be understanding.