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Holidays

AIBU unreasonable to expect husband to book a holiday at least once in our 32 year relationship?

22 replies

SouthernMamma · 22/01/2022 08:39

I have to drag my husband kicking and screaming on holiday. He almost always has some degree of enjoyment and agrees with me, specifically, that our Christmas trip to New York was amazing. I do ALL the arrangements - he never does a thing. On the one occasion I asked him to book a pre flight airport hotel, he told me the hotel was called "Secret Escapes". I told him - as we endlessly circled Birmingham airport - that, as far as I was aware - this was a company that arranged hotels and was not the name of the hotel.
As a late 50 something I'm desperate to do some travel before I start getting ill and frail. He is - as per usual - putting blocks in the way, citing (understandably) COVID restrictions but also saying things like "yes but you have to travel to get there and it's boring".
Aaaaaarrrrggghhhh. Anyone have any bright ideas?

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southlondoner02 · 22/01/2022 09:00

Go without him?

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Palavah · 22/01/2022 09:02

Go without him

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tanstaafl · 22/01/2022 09:15

Is he scared of flying (secretly)

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Wombat98 · 22/01/2022 09:17

Definitely go without him.

He's not changing now.

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Babdoc · 22/01/2022 09:19

As above, go on a group holiday/tour for singles, go with a friend/relative, or go completely alone.
There is no point dragging an unwilling stick in the mud on holiday with you - it just destroys the pleasure and anticipation for you.

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Frazzled2207 · 22/01/2022 09:20

My dh is the same. I’m thinking of just going with my kids this year. He won’t ever be proactive (and it’s not just holidays, or would never occur to him to arrange a meal or day out either) but if I try and engage him in conversation I just get “oh no I don’t want to go there”. It’s exhausting.

I did a lot of travelling in my 20s by myself. No one else to please. Was great.

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AmandaHoldensLips · 22/01/2022 09:22

Leave him at home.

Go and do exactly whatever you fancy. Have a brilliant time!

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Bumtum126 · 22/01/2022 09:25

Go on your own

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trumpisagit · 22/01/2022 09:39

He doesn't want to go, and you do.
Go with friends?

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Babysharkdoodoodood · 22/01/2022 11:33

My DH kicked off this week as I have a week off for my birthday in April. Doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere.

So I've booked a week in Rhodes for myselfGrin

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Kite22 · 22/01/2022 11:36

Another saying go without him.
Fair play, he has clearly been accompanying you on holidays he doesn't want to go on for 32 years - why would you want to keep making him?
Go on your own or with a friend or relation or join groups.

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Seeingadistance · 22/01/2022 11:57

Go without him.

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ifonly4 · 22/01/2022 17:27

I always do the research and book everything. Admittedly, I work less hours than DH. Always discuss my options with DH, but it suits me as I get to make the choice of when we're travelling and where we're staying. Luckily I always get it right in DH's eyes!

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Aposterhasnoname · 22/01/2022 17:44

Book it, and tell him he can come if he wants to, but if not you’ll go alone, or with a friend.

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TheFairyCaravan · 22/01/2022 17:48

My husband, we’ve been married 28yrs, has never booked a holiday either. I do ask him what he thinks of the hotel etc, I usually get “I don’t care”, before I book it. He always enjoys himself when he gets there but if it was up to him he’d either stay at home or have a week in Whitby, neither of which appeals to me.

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Runnerduck34 · 22/01/2022 18:07

DH has never organised a holiday in 25 years of marriage until this year when he has decided he really really wants to go skiing, so suddenly he's all motivated in a way that he just wasn't for any other holiday.
So far he has booked an Airbnb, I'm waiting to see if he also books travel, arranges Kennels, checks dogs vaccines haven't run out, ask neighbours to look after cats, sorts travel insurance ,arrange
ski clothing and equipment hire, ski passes, lessons, checks latest travel restrictions and ensures everyone has covid passes ( 4 teenagers) , their passports haven't expired and filled out all the passenger locator forms..

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Frazzled2207 · 23/01/2022 09:28

@Runnerduck34
😂😂😂😂

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MsAmerica · 24/01/2022 23:01

Not only "Go without him" but then also send him a stream of postcards (not emails!) telling him what a great time you're having.

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ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 24/01/2022 23:03

Yes just go without him, in a meet up travel group or something

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Littepinkyogapants · 08/05/2022 09:17

Been married to DH 2 years
Dated for 18 months before marriage.

We have one DS ( aged 1)
DH has two children DSD 12 . DSS 17

We have never been on holiday . Now I get covid happened but I can’t get DH to ever book a holiday and it always ends up in an argument .I’m at my wits end .

Im on maternity ( I’m A teacher ) I go back to work in September. This is my chance to have a cheap holiday in term time .DH has two weeks off in June but he won’t book a holiday.

My birthday is in June. We never had a honeymoon ….I’m desperate for a break .

DH says he feels too guilty to go on holiday without his children .So I said - well let’s book a holiday in August during the school holidays . He won’t commit to that .

Anyway.

I am desperate to go away in June . We can go for £900 all inclusive and I’ll pay as I have been saving !!!!!!
He still won’t commit . Refuses to talk about it and always says ‘ I feel bad about my children ‘
Yet we have agreed we will go on holiday with them in August!?

I know truthfully as does he - its
extremely unlikely that we will
go away in august because he will find some Excuse not to go.
(Even if we do go it will be stressful as DH and DSS don’t always get on and I know I’ll be the one looking after DSD. )


i think I deserve a break in June as I never got a honey moon. Im a good wife and mum and step mum and I want a bloody holiday . Yet DH is acting as if I’m being unreasonable and keeps telling me - ‘Just drop it. we will sort something ! ‘

Am I selfish ?
Am I weak ?
What would you do ???
or am I wrong here ???

I haven’t been on holiday in over 4 years and I feel DH is the one stopping me. I appreciate he has children and would be happy to book a family holiday for us all in august but he wont commit . We both have time off in June and can get away cheaply - he can explain to his children this is our honey moon and we are all going to go away in August…

im sick of limiting my life experience of going on holiday because DH is not
to commit

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tanstaafl · 08/05/2022 09:39

@Littepinkyogapants
probably should have started your own thread but anyway.
The idea that you are selfish is laughable.

i think you need to say you’re fed up and you’re booking that holiday in June, does he want to come or not because you can’t change the booking after.

but even then, even if he comes, will he be a mood Hoover while you’re all away?

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zafferana · 08/05/2022 09:59

@SouthernMamma book a holiday without him. You could either go with a friend, your sister, your mum or whoever, or you could book the kind of holiday that is okay to do on your own. But tell him either he comes or you go alone/with someone else. Don't put your life on hold for someone who doesn't want to join in with the adventures you want to do.

@Littepinkyogapants same. If your DH won't go, is there someone else who'd go with you? If you have the money and the time you should go on holiday, if you want to. Again, I'd tell him that you're going with or without him and mean it!

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