Dear holiday cottage owners

[SylHellais]

We’re in one, and I felt the need to post a note to all holiday cottage owners as the following issues appear to be inherent.

• for the love of god, just buy a whole set of matching cutlery, plates and glasses. They are not expensive and it’s massively annoying to see a cupboard full of random glasses and bits of crockery you don’t want in your own house.

• sharpen your fucking knives.

• buy a set of three non stick saucepans and two non stock frying pans, one small and one large. They don’t have to be expensive.

• when women wash their hair, they need an additional bath towel.

• a plug socket, near a mirror. Thank you please.

• bin bags. And tell guests which bin is for what.

• can you please fix all the small things like the seal around the wood burner which fills the cottage with smoke, or the pedal bin which doesn’t pedal, or the radiator which is stuck on full chat because the valve is broken, or the oven which is impossible to work out how to operate.

Your guests will thank you.

I always take pizza trays as they never seem to have any and pizzas are big standard holiday food.

I’ve been staying at self-catering houses for years and never really encountered any problems. I would always expect to take washing up liquid, cleaning spray, dishwasher tabs, sponges, loo roll etc.. - even bin bags - it’s always a bonus to find these things supplied.

One house we stay at regularly has now started to ask for a cleaning deposit. No problem, we always leave the place clean and tidy (and will happily strip beds). Maybe that’s the way to go for owners? (If they don’t do it already.)

@Dogmum40 We own a lodge on a holiday park and I’m forever buying teaspoons , is there a black market for them? Do people et them ? I have absolutely no idea why happens to them but I must get through 10 - 15 a year, every year!!
If it’s like my home it’s the kids throwing them in the bin inside yoghurt tubs! Also our forks wander off too, that’s the teenager and her noodle pots, both straight in the bin!

Please wherever possible have a king sized bed not a double. Even if it means there is no space in the room whatsoever. I would rather clamber over my husband than sleep in a double and we are not fat. If it is a double please state this honestly.
And as a large family please have enough seats in the lounge and at the table.

Perhaps OP ought to stop next time at a Premier Inn (although I believe even they’ve had to close hotels) and take a nice set of sharp knives.

In that I agree with you. They only stayed closed when ordered to but all are up and running again. We regularly stay in them and bring equipment to cook dinner in them (we order the all you can eat breakfast and have a picnic lunch) and reading what I have about these holiday lets, it's a good option. Or hiring a motorhome if you want to camp because those glamping things are just as expensive.

It works out cheaper, you know what you're getting, there's no CFer Premier Inn owners lurking about, and they'll honour your booking.

Not sure why you would want this many things. Don't most people eat out / get take aways / put something quick and simple in the oven when on holiday, rather than preparing complicated feasts for the thousands ?

We don't. Self-catering means self-catering as far as I'm concerned. It's not about 'feasts for thousands', it's about being able to cook a proper, nice meal for the number of people the cottage is actually supposed to house. There are sometimes 10 of us (extended family) staying in a house. We take it in turns to cook. We like cooking and it's nice to buy stuff from local shops and make a bit of an effort! We'll eat maybe one dinner out and sometimes have lunch out, but most evenings we will cook.

I have a confession, I am the teaspoon stealer. I dont know why but sometimes I just come into my kitchen drawer to find a raft of teaspoons that aren't mine. I just absentmindedly put them in my coffee jar, or lunchbox/tuppaware, sometimes my pocket or my bag. I couldn't tell you why. I am sorry to all the cottage owners and the work kitchens out there for all the teaspoons I have taken

We have teaspoons from the Cunard cruise liner dating from the 60s - parents had them first.

The mystery is that none of us has been on the Cunard and - even more mysteriously - I have no recollection of my DPs giving them to me so no idea how they have ended up in our house.

Things that have annoyed me in the past are the infamous blunt knives, a mysterious cooker that keep switching itself off and a cafetière that leaked the coffee grinds through. The owner was on site but was one of those "do tell me if you have any concerns " but rushed away if you tried to talk to him, unless he was coming to give you a reminder about putting the lid back on the hot tub whilst you were actually sitting in it at the time.

Re: this - can you please fix all the small things like the seal around the wood burner which fills the cottage with smoke, or the pedal bin which doesn’t pedal, or the radiator which is stuck on full chat because the valve is broken, or the oven which is impossible to work out how to operate.

Make sure you write it in the guest book - or write a separate note to the homeowner letting them know. I know I'm guilty of being annoying by myriad little things during the week, but when it comes to leaving I just think 'Fuck it, I won't be coming back so I don't care' and I don't bother to tell the owner. But if no one tells them, they may not know.

But yes, I completely agree with most of your points - the blunt knives particularly. My other bugbear is a cottage that sleeps 4 that has precisely 4 of everything, meaning you have to wash up after every fucking meal, because it feels wasteful to put the dishwasher on for said 4 glasses, 4 plates, 4 forks and 4 knives!

Don't most people eat out / get take aways / put something quick and simple in the oven when on holiday, rather than preparing complicated feasts for the thousands ?

No, because a lot of people self cater to avoid that expense. The self catering tends to be more expensive than cheaper hotels so eating out and getting takeaways sort of defeats that purpose.

It’s fine to have extra towels in my Cornwall property. I’m charged per towel by the linen provider. I’d have to pass that charge on.

@Dogmum40

We own a lodge on a holiday park and I’m forever buying teaspoons , is there a black market for them? Do people et them ? I have absolutely no idea why happens to them but I must get through 10 - 15 a year, every year!!

Luckily everything else matches and there’s full sets of everything but as an owner the teaspoon things drives me insane 🤣

They're accidentally binned with tea bags!!

I don't expect holiday cottages to have all the kitchenware I need because I know other renters will destroy or lose anything decent sooner or later so I take my own.

My only wishes are (a) please don't fill every available cupboard in the kitchen with cookware and tableware. We need somewhere to store food that doesn't go in the fridge. Thanks. (b) yes the house sleeps 10 but I am not cooking for 10 every time I use the kitchen. Sometimes I just want to cook something small so it would be great to have some small saucepans and bowls as well as the huge ginormous ones.

@Malteser71

It’s fine to have extra towels in my Cornwall property. I’m charged per towel by the linen provider. I’d have to pass that charge on.

Just include the extra few quid in the overall cost of hiring the cottage.

@Lotusmonster

Dear Holiday Cottage Users, Here’s a summary of damages and costs we incurred last season.

• Guest didn’t close fridge door overnight. They claimed faulty fridge.

I paid for replacement emergency fridge and for electrician to conclude that fridge wasn’t faulty....guest just hadn’t shut the door. Cost to me £200.

• Guest child got bored and chewed a Venetian blind in the lounge leaving teeth marks. Looked rubbish ...cost to me of a new blind £100

• Guest failed to close upstairs shower door and flooded downstairs kitchen. Guest claimed plumbing leak. Plumber came, no leak. Major redecoration of property and closed for 3 weeks. Cost to me £1500.

• Guest child has urinated a single bed mattress ...next season replace a John Lewis singe mattress cost to me £350.

• total cost of removing unwanted items from my garage including a used dirty bbq, various punctured sea floaties, crab lines complete with smelly bait. Probably about £50 in trips to landfill and my time.

• numerous times had to pick up dog crap from our garden

We lost £5k in bookings due to Covid. Haven’t been able to easily visit my business due to restrictions and not being able to stop overnight.

My business just about breaks even....no more than that. Perhaps OP ought to stop next time at a Premier Inn (although I believe even they’ve had to close hotels) and take a nice set of sharp knives.
Thanks

Don't you take deposits or charge people for these things? Also by break even do you mean it covers the costs of the cottage, mortgage etc so you can use it as a free holiday home? If it really is breaking even as a business then you need to close it down. I am not talking about during the pandemic but normal times.

@Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady

I have long thick hair and I don't need an extra towel.

Get out of shower. Dry hair with towel a. Then dry body with towel a.

You stand there dripping, naked and cold while you dry your hair?? You wrap a damp towel around your body??? You let your still very wet hair drape all cold and wet down your neck after towel drying???? Ick

@Lotusmonster

You pay a lot to stay in a holiday cottage Low season we are £650 High season £1500 We sleep 6. So per night per person low season is £15.47 High season per person per night is £35.71 Is that really what you call a lot?

Yes it is a lot. And most places that say they sleep 6 do not comfortably sleep 6 and provide enough living area. In reality I book a larger cottage to have enough space.

Wow, after reading OP, I feel extremely lucky that the holiday cottage we go every year is perfect. Everything in OP is covered, and even more.

I take my own knives, pans and chopping boards, saves dealing with rubbish ones

You stand there dripping, naked and cold while you dry your hair?? You wrap a damp towel around your body??? You let your still very wet hair drape all cold and wet down your neck after towel drying???? Ick.

Squeeze water out of hair before stepping out of shower. Towel hair for approx 4 seconds. Wrap only slightly damp towel (which will get immediately wet anyway on contact with skin) around body. The sheer number of non-issues that make MNers go 'Ick' (or sometimes shudder or retch) never ceases to astonish me. I have shoulder-length hair and never ever use two towels. Not even if I'm in a hotel where two are provided. It wouldn't even occur to me to do so tbh!

Dear holiday cottage owner
All I need for a relaxing stay is a really big bed, blackout curtains, loads of hot water, a fluffy towel, a corkscrew and a pub recommendation.

I had a significant birthday just before lockdown one and we went to an amazing holiday let. It was a fabulous house, but what made it even more special was

There were sharp knives
There were lots of tea towels
There were packs of 40 or so toilet rolls
There was a huge box of dishwasher tablets.
There was plenty of cutlery, crockery, glasses, cooking pans.
There were catering rolls of foil and clingfilm.
There was free firewood, as much as we wanted .

Thank you Richard, it was lovely to stay in your amazing house and to be trusted to look after it for a week and not to be treated like a toilet roll and dishwasher tablet thief.

(I had of course loaded up my car and taken extra toilet paper, sharp knives, tea towels, cling film, foil, dishwasher tablets etc etc with me........ but I didn’t have to use them )

I get frustrated that if you are advertising that the property sleeps 5 then surely there should be 5 chairs at the dining table!? Even if one folds up that would be fine.

@NotGenerationAlpha

I've never heard women needs a second bath towel to wash hair. Maybe I am not actually a woman

I always use a hand towel. Isn't it quite normal?

To the poster who said owners were allowed to visit their cottages during lockdown as it is a business so you were permitted to do maintenance....no, not really.
I live in England my cottage is in Wales. The border was shut to me for months. When the rule was relaxed it only permitted daytime visits. I.e. you could go, but weren't allowed to stay over night. ...but the drive is too long to go there and back and do any maintenance work all in one daytrip.

I believe crossing the border from England to Scotland was similarly restricted.

By the time we were finally allowed to go to Wales the garden was an utter jungle.