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Holidays

husband hates flying and doesn't't want to travel anywhere

19 replies

musicmama18 · 23/08/2020 12:46

I understand coronavirus has made ppl unsure and anxious and i'm not just talking about this summer, but he doesn't like doing things period.

it's always me suggesting, booking or trying to have family experiences - he doesn't seem to care too much.

He is becoming a hermit, he works from home and does a lot around the house in terms of DIY etc, pays for things; food/bills but doesn't want to do much else.

I am currently SAHM not earning and i thought maybe this comes into it, as I don't have anything to contribute in terms of finances. And he is ALL about the money.

Really tricky, as I want to live life and my son to enjoy new experiences but half the time feel held back.

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Standrewsschool · 23/08/2020 12:52

We travel to Europe via the tunnel and have been to France and Holland. Ifs he unhappy about driving a raid, catch the traiN, Direct links from St pancras to Paris, Belgium, Holland etc.

Maybe instead of suggesting xyz, just do it and give him no option. Ie. On Saturday we’re going to the zoo, the beach etc

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musicmama18 · 23/08/2020 13:14

'Maybe instead of suggesting xyz, just do it and give him no option. Ie. On Saturday we’re going to the zoo, the beach etc'


I have done this in the past and he pushes back, we argue and then end up doing nothing. I'm mid-thirties and want to enjoy experiences together as a family.

Yet he seems perfectly fine being a homebody.. it was like that before our son, now he seems even worse!

:/

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chipsandpeas · 23/08/2020 13:17

go without him

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OverTheRubicon · 23/08/2020 13:30

Is there a reason you can't work? It would get you out of the house and to have some independence to say you'll pay to go yourself (or to leave, if it is truly controlling)

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LouisBalfour · 23/08/2020 13:34

He’s sounds as dull as ditchwater.

Time for you to start doing things without him. Don’t let him prevent you from having great experiences with your son. Perhaps if he sees you’re going on days out or trips away regardless, he’ll decide to join in.

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LovingLola · 23/08/2020 13:36

Do you have free access to money? Without him questioning you ?

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jewel1968 · 23/08/2020 13:44

Is it a fear of flying? I developed a fear of flying after a particularly harrowing flight. Prior to this experience I was a regular flyer. I avoided flying unless I absolutely had to (family overseas) but I tried a couple of things.

I had a flying lesson in a little 2 seater. Helped a bit

I took valium - helped a lot

I know lots of people who get drunk when flying because of fear. It is fairly common.

He needs to admit it is a fear if he has any hope of addressing it.

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musicmama18 · 23/08/2020 14:37

He is dull I feel bad for saying so but it’s the truth...

SAHM at moment son starting nursery in November so my plan is to find/start work in Jan ‘21.

He is very selfish and yes quite controlling but I haven’t earned anything for quite a long time now so we have a joint debit card on monzo where we can both see transactions- he used to give an allowance type thing but I didn’t like that, as ran out and asked for top ups.

He is very good with money and done well for himself meanwhile and regrettably so I have not focused on myself one iota.

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Ginfordinner · 23/08/2020 14:43

My husband doesn't like going out much, so DD and I just visited places on our own. He hates going anywhere that might be busy, yet he is fine on holiday. He only really enjoys walking, and isn't that interested in visiting places of interest unless there is a real ale pub in the vicinity.

I like walking, but I like doing other things as well, and just go without him.

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PersonaNonGarter · 23/08/2020 14:47

You know what the solution is: earn your own money. It’s that simple and that hard.

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Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 23/08/2020 15:03

I'm a homebody and don't like going away for more than 4-5 nights but I love day trips and short holidays with my DH and DS so it is perfectly possible to be a homebody but not have a boring life.

DS is small at the moment so we have been enjoying exploring different UK coastal regions for our holidays and also done Centre Parcs. In the next couple of years we will start using the Eurostar and exploring northern Europe :)

At weekends we like to explore our local area, NT properties, nice walks, local beaches, nice towns etc.

I am aware that me getting incredibly homesick after a few nights limits our family but I put a lot of work into making sure we still do fun things and we take multiple short holidays rather than one long one which seems to keep everyone happy. It would be very unfair of me to stop my family doing anything interesting so I think your DH is being very unreasonable.

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Kerry987 · 24/08/2020 14:36

It sounds like he doesn’t want to spend any money so you definitely need to start earning your own.

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ScorpioSphinxInACalicoDress · 24/08/2020 14:38

My dp doesn't like travelling. I live for the buzz of that easyJet sale Grin
He stays at home, DD and I travel.

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AmICrazyorWhat2 · 24/08/2020 14:43

I agree with PP’s, focus on getting back into the job market and then you can plan your own outings without him. Perhaps invite other family members/friends along.

It’s crappy, but that’s really all you can do. Perhaps he’ll start joining in when he hears about you and your DS having fun. Long-term, this could be an issue though. I couldn’t live with someone who was such a homebody.

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SJaneS48 · 25/08/2020 17:40

That sounds pretty depressing OP. But to echo what everyone else is saying, get out and do your own thing. My DH is pretty anti social, I’m not. Quite often I’ll leave him at home. Our holidays are compromises between going out and seeing things (me) and lying around with a book by the pool (him). We’ve found our middle ground after quite a lot of arguments in the early days & quite frankly I love the boring bastard! But sounds like you need to start taking control and planning a day at a weekend separately to him. It doesn’t need to cost a fortune. Earning your own income from January onwards will help a great deal. If I didn’t have my own money I’d feel less in control of my own destiny.

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nosswith · 04/09/2020 07:04

I don't blame anyone for not wanting to fly, but Eurostar and the Eurotunnel mean you can travel abroad without flying. I fly as little as I can, partly because airports and in particular customs are so badly organised.

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lurch3r · 04/09/2020 07:13

I hate flying, really hate it. The spectre of the journey home would balls up any holiday fun for me. However, I do love getting out in the UK and there's loads to do here if you have a bit of imagination. If you were my partner, not earning any money, but banging on flying abroad, I don"t think I'd like that much either. It is possible to 'live life' without flying. I think you need to talk about your money situation and plan some mutually fun treats/trips. If it is that important to you to get on a plane, you need to start saving for a trip by yourself or with your friends imo.

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middleager · 04/09/2020 07:34

I no longer fly and I get homesick, but I do like doing things. We've done Eurostar and coach holidays abroad, along with the UK.
I did the Vigin Fear of Flying course but it didn't work.

My DH never suggests anything and would be quite happy never going away (and saving money).

I have a friend who I met on holiday. Her DH wouldn't go anywhere so she'd travel just her and her son. They went everywhere as she was determined to give him some great childhood experiences (they're divorced now Shock).

Set your son an example by showing him you are independent and adventurous - finding a job is the first step to this and to your happiness.

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Wheytaminute · 09/09/2020 10:05

No way should you and your DS have to stay home all the time. this would be a deal breaker for me - travel is so important for many reasons.

From your posts I think the first thing you need to do is get a job yourself and become more financially independent.

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