Am I being selfish?

[Littlemeadow123]

I'm in my late twenties, an only child with parents in their late fifties/early sixties. A week ago, I got my dream job in a foreign country, about eight hours away by plane. I have wanted this job since I was about 12, but now I have got it, I am worried that I am being selfish in leaving my parents behind. This is quite a niche job, not one that I could do in this country. I really want it but at the same time I feel so conflicted about leaving parents. Please help.

My mum did this (18 hours but light years away in terms of the technology we have now) and then so did I, not as far but still tricky. As she said to me (what my granny said to her) I've lived my life, you need to live yours.

Yes it was hard at time but go for it.

Absolutely not! Presumably your parents raised you to work hard and to follow your dreams, which is what you have done.

If you were my child I would be incredibly proud of you and would feel dreadful if you turned down the job because of me!

I don’t think that any parent expects (or indeed wants!) their children to stay with them forever. The expectation is that you will grow up, leave home and (hopefully) flourish.

This sounds like a wonderful opportunity For you and I would hope that your parents would encourage you to take it and to follow your dreams.

You’re not abandoning your parents, you’re simply doing what they raised you to do - to be independent and to strike out on your own life as an adult!

Plus there are always holidays - they can fly to visit you or vice versa. Your parents are still young, you have decades together ahead of you.

Take the job. I'd say that even if your parents were old (they are young). This is your life, not theirs

Absolutely you should go for it! Your parents are hardly in their dotage - if they were older with heath and care issues then it would be more of a ? but certainly not at the age they are.

My parents are British but we were posted all over the world. My mother is an only child and for her (at first) it was hard as she was very close to my grandparents. Work wise (she was a journalist) it limited her opportunities too. It did really do a great deal for my Fathers career though and I think importantly for us all gave us some fantastic life experiences we wouldn’t have had otherwise!

I’ve lived and worked abroad myself - yes it’s about developing your work experience and gaining international expertise but it does a great deal for you on a personal basis too. Landing in a country you don’t know with zero friends and family really makes you make an effort in a way we don’t always at home. Pushing yourself makes you find out things about yourself you didn’t know. You can come back feeling a really different person!

Your parents can obviously come and see you and as PPs have said, technology is so much better these days. In terms of negatives, if you are away for a long time, coming back is a bit hard, particularly in winter!

Thanks everyone. You've really helped. :)

Take the job! 50-60s isn't old and provided they can still travel now is the perfect time to go. You are their child, they will want you to follow your dreams.

I’m in my 60s. I wouldn’t expect you to stay here! I don’t consider myself old either! I would look forward to visiting you and I would get on with my own life in your absence. Go for it.

Go for it! I did it 35 years ago and it was the best thing in terms of having an interesting life and career. Miss home and family still but no major regrets.

You don't have to leave forever. It may be a stepping stone to another more local opportunity. I left my country in my 20s for the other side of the world, thinking I would never be back. 5 years later I was back, I used the experience I gained away to land a job in a totally different area back home. You never know what may happen or how you may feel a few years down the line