Paying our way when staying with friends abroad!

[dottiedodah]

Hi everyone ! Going to visit friends in Canada In September (Landmark Birthday for me as well) .Am staying with them for 2 weeks with DH. Just wondering about what to do about money for them ? Should we offer to buy some meals out /Shopping. Do you think ,or would it be best to offer Cash or might that offend them?.They are not poor but not wealthy either ,Any advice would be much appreciated thank you .Also any ideas on pressies to take?(middle age couple no children!)

Did they offer for you to stay for 2 weeks or did you ask if you could stay? Either way, I'd make sure to take them out for dinner and pay, buy groceries, wine etc if eating in. Help out with cooking, cleaning up etc. They should not really be out of pocket because of your visit. Read some of the other recent threads about posters who resent having had to spend lots on visitors.

I would suggest telling them not to get food in for you but ask if they would like to come to the supermarket with you and you pay for everyone's food when you get there. That way you aren't costing them anything to feed you and you can ensure that there are plenty of things you want to eat. I'd also buy some takeout one night and cook at the very least one or two meals whilst there.

We had friends from abroad stay with us for a week when my youngest was three years' old. They looked after the dc one afternoon and told us to go out and enjoy ourselves as we never got any child free time. We came home to two happy children, a full fridge and an amazing meal in the middle of being prepared. They'd bought some lovely wine to have with the meal and there was a vase of flowers in the living room and one in the kitchen. It was such a lovely, thoughtful gesture and we still talk about it now years later. Could you do something similar if they have young dc? If not then I would offer to do the shopping, cook a meal or take them out for one and but drinks, ice cream etc when on days out with them.

When we visit DSIL they never have to touch the washing up either.

What Instagrump said. Plus take a present.

What the other respondents have written.

Re presents I would take over some very British items that are not available to purchase in Canada.

Thanks all! Some good ideas there ,They dont have any children but do have 2 lovely cats! They invited us to come over (left UK 2010) and we saw a lot of them before they left here.Further complications neither of them like wine!(I know sob)! The Supermarket trip is a good one will do that .Again neither very keen on Indian /chinese takeaway but maybe will go for a pizza . Attila do you mean foodstuffs? Tea or certain brands or something from "london or whatever?)

Attila do you mean foodstuffs? Tea or certain brands or something from "london or whatever

Yes something like tea and biscuits from somewhere like Fortnum and Mason for example (Fortnum and Mason does not exist in Canada) or something like an item of Wedgwood china.

Presumably very very good friends

So just have a chat with them

I have lived overseas for 25 years and my favourite visitors do the following:
help with washing up
take us out for a meal at the end of their visit
bring things with them that we miss from the UK - not necessarily expensive items, but things that are hard/impossible to find in new country
are able to entertain themselves for some of the time and realise for us that life and jobs go on and we cannot spend all our time with them
payment towards a supermarket shop is also nice
My least favourite visitors:
expect me to organise every day of the holiday for them and entertain them and when we are at home they want to chat when I have things to do - like preparing a meal!

Also live abroad, and have frequent visitors.

Things that I like:
Guests who can entertain themselves and not expect a full on tour guide the whole time. Like above, I have work to get done also, although I usually book time off as well to do stuff together.

Also regarding food. If we are eating at home, don't wait for every meal to be served to you. Even when its cereal, we have certain guests who would wait all morning until we got stuff out. Offer to make tea/coffee, set table for breakfast, prep with them for dinner. All these simple things take me twice as long when we have guests than if we were alone.

Groceries, I'm not that bothered by extra cost, but am when guests say 'oh this is the last of the milk..' etc.. An offer to pop to the shops and get basics, and ask if there's anything else would be great.

Chores - seems petty, but if we have say 6 people instead of 2 of us, then obviously stuff gets dirty quicker. We have a cleaner once per week who does main clean, but its handy when someone offers to run hoover around main kitchen and living areas, take bins out etc rather than it all being down to us.

I like guests who bring Marmite.

Please don't give them cash! I'm Canadian and I hosted heaps of houseguests as I lived abroad in a popular location for a few years. Hands down the rudest guests we ever had handed us piles of their leftover currency as they headed off to the airport. It was quite a bit of money but so rude and thoughtless (especially as they'd just gone out to buy some local sweets to take home -- we would have much preferred they choose a nice box of sweets for us at a lower cost then handing us piles of bills and change, which really just capped off a week of rude behaviour. This was also irritating as they'd been super tight, refusing to do most activities due to cost for the whole trip but then had piles of cash leftover, but I digress...)

Two weeks is a long time so I suggest:

• shop/cook a dinner meal for everyone (can be home cooked, or takeaway or paying for a restaurant) at least once each week. Communicate clearly when you want to do this (ie we'd like to cook for you Wednesday as you'll be at work all day, does that work? We want to treat you to x restaurant on this day, does it work?)
• if they say help yourself to food, believe them and only purchase special groceries for the meal you want to cook and if you notice they are out of something (ie don't buy your own milk, butter, eggs etc on the first day and clutter up their fridge when they have all these already, but do replace items particularly if you have a lot of time during the day while they are at work).
• make yourselves scarce in the evening at least once per week and communicate clearly (ie DH and I are planning a dinner date on X night so please don't expect us back until X time). If they have kids, offer to babysit a couple times so they can have a night out. For visits that long, an occasional evening break from guests is very appreciated.
• give a gift of consumables (such as sweets brought from UK or sweets/alcohol purchased locally or at duty free)

Have a good trip!

Two weeks seems a long time to stay in one place, do you not want to go sightsee other areas for part of that?

If they're not in a city, hire your own car so you can be self-sufficient for day trips and shopping/restaurants.

Do your own research on what you want to see in the area.

2 weeks Is a long time IMO

I'd head out halfway through and go exploring, road trip etc for at least 3 or 4 nights in middle staying at accommodation along the way.

* I'm Canadian and I hosted heaps of houseguests as I lived abroad in a popular location for a few years. Hands down the rudest guests we ever had handed us piles of their leftover currency as they headed off to the airport. It was quite a bit of money but so rude and thoughtless (especially as they'd just gone out to buy some local sweets to take home -- we would have much preferred they choose a nice box of sweets for us at a lower cost then handing us piles of bills and change, which really just capped off a week of rude behaviour. This was also irritating as they'd been super tight, refusing to do most activities due to cost for the whole trip but then had piles of cash leftover, but I digress...)*

Unbelievable. They gave you cash rather than sweets and you complain.

They didn’t want to spend lots of money on activities and you judge them. Perhaps a) they didn’t want to and uses money as an excuse or b) don’t like spending lots as always like to have a good amount to spare

They get to the end of the holiday and the spare money they have, not i quite a bit you say, they give to you.

And you call them rude

2 weeks is far too long. A week maximum?

We live in a holiday destination and have lots of visitors - most stay min. 2 weeks.

Loads of excellent suggestions already.

We love when they relax enough to make their own tea / coffee and offer others.

I’m a planner, so will organise day trips / sight seeing, wine tours, etc but still want some ‘free’ time from guests when they’re here for a while, so it’s nice when they’ve orientated themselves that they go out and explore on their own - as long as everyone knows what everyone else is doing and there’s a rough ‘itinerary’, all good.

Help with chores / cooking, shopping.

And yes, def to gifts of food that we can’t find, or are very expensive, here. For DH that’s pot noodles 🤦‍♀️ so doesn’t need to cost a fortune to be hugely appreciated.

Hope you enjoy your trip!

Need to stay 2 weeks really ,as a long flight and need time to recover from jet lag! Husband is retired so keen to take us out . I think we will do shopping ,as PP said piles of loose cash left can seem rude! Will defo buy some Tea and "British" types of groceries !Many thanks for all your ideas

Ask them what they miss from here and take it as a gift.
Be the way you'll like people to be at your house.
Buy food and be as independent as possible.
Hire a car. Include them but accept they aren't on holiday.

Thornhill has beaten me to it. Guests knew to bring me a jar of Branson pickle when I lived in the US; ask what they miss. Crunchies were very welcome! On the other hand we could buy Walkers shortbread, HP sauce, and marmalade easily, so check first.
Be independent, they will have seen the local attractions and may not want to pay to do so again. If it’s a city use the local public transport to get around and explore. I would consider going on a side trip as well rather than staying with them for the full two weeks. Could you offer to pay for a hotel somewhere for the weekend in the middle?