Solo holiday - leaving DH and DS at home

[graziemille567]

I've just booked a trip away next year solely for me and I am incredibly excited - I've been itching to have a trip alone for a while but have always talked myself out of doing it. DH has absolutely no problem with it, he has seen a lot of the world during work trips while I've stayed at home working / looking after our DS so both of us agree it's time for me to do something totally selfish just for me, while we are in a fortunate enough position to afford it.

Really, I'd like any advice from other women who have been away by themselves. How did you keep yourselves safe / avoid unwanted attention? What were the highlights of holidaying solo? And did you find it hard leaving your DP's / kids behind if you have them, or feel guilty at all for going away without them?

I'm looking forward to the vast majority of it but a week of eating alone in restaurants does intimidate me a little bit! I don't mind eating out alone, sometimes do it for lunch but a week of it is a bit different

I'm going to a relatively safe European country and plan to eat good food until I burst, sightsee, read in total peace and have lots of lovely early nights in nice hotels. Bliss!

I have only done this for weekends but I found I preferred staying in an apartment to a hotel so that I didn't have to eat in restaurants the whole time.

My god that sounds fantastic. There was a thread about this a couple of months ago full of fantastic tips.

I think eating main meal at lunchtime can be good, finding a favourite coffee shop so you get recognised. Plan your travelling so you aren’t looking too lost, so work out how to get from airport to hotel etc. Do a walking tour to get your bearings.

Ask if there’s any bits of town to avoid.

Don’t let being on your own stop yo7 going out, I was on my own in Athens last year and went out for dinner at places I’d spotted during the day and more often than not people chatted to me.

Take a book in case.

@Settlersofcatan makes sense - I'll be honest though, one of the big attractions of where I'm going is it's amazing food so I don't want to miss out on good restaurants. I want to get out and about for meals even if it does feel scary to me! If it was a beach holiday though rather than a city break I'd definitely think about an apartment or air bnb instead of hotels.

@CatUnderTheStairs thanks, good tips! Always carry a book, notepad and pen with me so that should take care of being bored - just anxious about being seen as an oddity in restaurants filled with couples / families!

Where are you going – or do you expect us to provide advice for every major European city?

I think the OP may be looking for more generic travelling alone advice. Like doing a walking tour or eating tour.

I went to Rome on my own and most evenings there were concerts and performances in various churches. I also took my kindle for the restaurants.

@thatdamnwoman no need for the snarky tone - I'm not asking for advice on where I'm going, just general advice on travelling alone as a woman.

But she's mentioned going to a particular city but hasn't named it. There would probably be different advice for different countries and cities.

For example, I was in Seville a few weeks ago with a male friend and we went to some fantastic back street tapas bars used mainly by locals. They were predominantly full of men and I wouldn't, I don't think, be comfortable eating there alone except perhaps at lunchtime, when there were more women about. Whereas I've rarely felt uncomfortable eating alone or having a drink alone in Paris or in Scandinavia, the Netherlands, Belgium, Portugal or Germany.

Eating out: take a book, phone, newspaper or whatever if you want to avoid eye contact. I like doing the crossword. Choose a restaurant that has plenty of small tables rather than loads of tables for four. I always feel a bit of a spare part sitting at a large table on my own. If you're uncomfortable eating dinner alone, surrounded by couples, you can look for restaurants that have communal tables or have an amazing lunch – which is often far better value than dinner – and a snack in a cafe in the evening.

Generally, try to plan/ research your journeys/ walks/ routes in advance and maybe even print up a couple of A4 size maps that you can refer to discreetly so that you're not always navigating by phone, which marks you out as a tourist and puts you in danger of having your phone snatched. Or you can have your phone navigating in your pocket and wear an earbud for instructions.

Wear a body belt or similar with your passport and cards. Have hard copies of your passport and card emergency contact, travel insurance etc as well as copies on your phone. There are cities that seem to be worse than others for bag-snatching: we had a bag-snatching incident in Granada and the people at the hotel and the police acknowledged that it was endemic in the city at the time.

Don't allow strange men to persuade you to go off with them, use proper licensed taxis/ Ubers and establish the fare before you get in. I was in New Zealand last year when Grace Millane was murdered and it was a reminder of how badly things can go wrong for a woman on her own – and in New Zealand, one of the safest places on earth.

These are all basic common sense and probably seem quite banal but having your wallet stolen when you're on your own can be more traumatic than if you've a friend or partner to help. If you name the city we may be able to be more helpful.

Not being snarky, just being practical. As I've said above, different advice for different countries and cultures, otherwise it's all just basic common sense.

Why won't you say which city? Why so secretive?

Where are you going? I have travelled solo to a lot of European cities / countries and so could give you specific advice.

Yup, GrumpyHoonMain, different advice for different cities. Helsinki, where you can go for a week and have no one notice you or talk to you, let alone bother you, or Palermo or Marrakech where, frankly, I wouldn't venture outdoors on my own.

Sorry, I'm not trying to be secretive - I just don't want it to be too identifying! But I'm heading to the Emilia Romagna region of Italy and exploring some of the towns/cities there.

Okay. Northern Italy's fine although you may get unwanted male attention. All the standard stuff applies, particularly regarding bag-snatching and pickpocketing. Wear your wedding ring and learn the phrase for 'My husband's waiting for me at the hotel' when a strange man approaches you and asks so charmingly if you'd care to have a cup of coffee. I've only had a day in Bologna and a fleeting afternoon in Ravenna, so I hope someone comes along to give you more specific advice. Are you using public transport to get around? I've often found it easier to book a seat on an organised day tour with a guide than try and navigate public transport on my own. Lovely part of the world: you will have a good time.

@thatdamnwoman thank you, good advice!

@thatdamnwoman yes, using public transport (train) to get from Rome as I'm unable to fly directly to Bologna airport. I've travelled by train in Italy before so found it fairly simple and straight forward. And will be doing a couple of guided tours and a cooking class while there so that should help with not being solitary all the time.

I would have a nice substantial lunch out each day and wine and snacks on the balcony in the evening. I prefer to eat more substantial food earlier in the day anyway, so it suits me for more than not going out in the evening alone.

Never have all your credit/debits cards with you. I was on a longer work trip to New York and Singapore and in both cases kept always one card in the safe. Stil not 100% secure, they can be stolen as well but at least you then have the other one on you.

Keep hard copies of all documents, passport, driving license, tickets, travel insurance with you and have a copy at home your DH can email/fax if there is a problem. He also should have the hotel contact details.

I always had a book with me when going out alone, do the usual precautions like not leaving drinks unattended. I normally had one glass of wine with a meal and if I really wanted another drink would get it in the hotel or had a bottel in my hotel room.

If you need transport ask the hotel to book it for you. Check the local rules, do taxis have to be registered, is there a fare system so you know how much you have to pay?

Appear as confident as possible.

Also be aware of current local scams. Last time I was in Italy there seemed to be a scam going where someone would come up to you and warn you that you had bird poo or a paint mark on the back of your jacket. You immediately drop your guard, they help you take your jacket off, next thing you know your bag's gone, or maybe your pockets have been dipped and your phone or wallet is missing. You can check on Trip Advisor etc for more current scams.

I have quite an ample bosom and always keep my credit/ debit cards in my bra if I'm wearing a shirt or a v-necked top. No danger of it falling out because of the pressure between breast and fabric and you can pretend you're adjusting your bra strap and hoick it out discreetly when it's needed. Practice where to put it and how to get it out at home.

Cross-body bags with zipped compartments are safer than over-arm or over-shoulder handbags. On crowded public transport take your day pack (if you're carrying one) off and hold it in your arms in front of you. Beware a sudden crush/ rush of people pushing you around as they exit a train. It only happened once to me on the Paris Metro and they didn't get anything, but the melee is planned so that they can grab your bag/ dip your pockets.

I was walking over Westminster Bridge this summer with a visitor from Australia and he was fascinated by all men running games of find the lady and all the tourists crowded round watching. It's a pickpocketing hot-spot. When someone or something grabs your attention – buskers, performance art, games or whatever – be aware. Keep a hand on your phone in your pocket and a hand on your cross-body bag.

Try and look like a local. I know it sounds daft but one of the best ways to avoid attention is to dress as if you're going to work. If you don't want to wear your office suit then in Italy I'd suggest classic smart casual and a raincoat and umbrella in case it rains (I was in northern Tuscany in June a couple of years ago and it rained every day) make you less conspicuously a tourist than shorts and neon cagoule.

Thank you @thatdamnwoman @reluctantbrit @BarbaraofSeville , some great advice and tips. Much appreciated!

Sorry, bit late to this but was intrigued by the topic as I am considering a solo trip! I have only been away on my own with my son so without any other adults but not totally on my own. I must say that got pretty lonely at times as he isn't great company over dinner and we often ended up going to bed at 8 for lack of options! So, I am thinking of booking a solo group holiday instead. Has anyone been? Just looking at ski trips here singleparentsonholiday.co.uk/destinations/#solo as it's more my age and the other guests are mostly single parents. City trips are ok on your own but skiing is totally boring by yourself. And it's the evenings that I found increasingly awkward or boring when I went on my own with my son.
Do let us now @graziemille567 how you got on. It sounds incredibly brave.

Thanks @Angie1409 ! I must admit that now I've booked the flights and there is no turning back, I'm a little bit scared! What if I end up hating being on my own? I've wanted to do a solo trip for such a long time and absolutely can't wait to get there, but what if I get lonely or incredibly bored? I know the only way to know is to do it and find out (after all, better to regret the things you did rather than regret all the things you wanted to do but never did!) and hope that by booking some guided tours / cookery classes that will stave off any loneliness.