expats with kids & long haul flights: would you do it?

[oregonianabroad]

I need help here. I really want to go and see my family on the west coast, but the main problem is the flight is 16 hours, and DH doesn't want to go because he finds travel stressful at the best of times (and, frankly, after our last holiday together and the wobbly he threw in the airport, it's probably best just to accept that this is true). I haven't been home in 3 years, and I want to see my 87 year old grandmother, as well as the rest of my nutty family. Herein lies another problem: they really are all nuts, which means probably a lot of moving around and visiting, as well as a lot of stress for me dealing with all their nuttiness.
My kids are 4 months and 2.3, and I have been thinking of going in October. The baby is sooo easy, but my 2 year old is a challenge. He managed OK on a short flight, but i can't imagine trying to entertain and contain him on my own and with the baby too.
I am back at work in January, which means I won't be able to take advantage of good fares out of school holidays anymore (I am a lecturer). I've even thought of paying for someone else to come with me and help but don't know if that would really decrease my stress or add to it! Don't know what to do. Anyone else in this situation? Any advice from lone travellers with 2 small ones?

true. and we have been to see his family 4 times a year, at least, in that time.
however, last time we were in the US, my family behaved abysmally (feuds, drunken bawling, etc... the full trailer trash spectrum from my supposedly respectable clan).
still, do you think i should make him come with me or go on my own?

He should come.
Could you not stopover for a night in Atlanta or NYC?
That helps.
Think also about medicating 2 year old (seriously!)

I don't think the family feuding is a reason not to come.All families feud...don't they?

Sounds hellish Kami.

I've just been to the Caribbean with my 6 year old and 2 year old which involved 2 hour drive to airport,flight to Paris,crossing paris to another airportand then flight over Atlantic. It was bearable (wine helped.)

I would do it in a heartbeat. I would love to take my 3 dds back to the UK to see my il's and friends. The only thing stopping me is the cost - we can't afford it at the moment.

I would be travelling with a 5yo who has special needs, a 2.75 yo and a baby.

Ask for assistance where you can.

The most important thing I told myself when travelling with dd1 at 8 months old and then again at almost 2 was ( UK to AUS)- her crying and being upset and whatever would not last. Most importantly other people on the planes are adults and so can deal with the upset far better than a little one can. And I am never going to see these people again, their opinion does not matter, what matters is that my children are okay.

Think of the captive audience to entertain a little one. Can you do night flights?? Try to run him ragged and then he might sleep on the plane. We had dd1's car seat on the second flight and we just strapped her in and reclined it and she went off to sleep for the 8 hour leg from Singapore to Aus. Book a skycot for the little one.

Oregoniana,
Can you stay somewhere other than with family when you arrive?
I am flying to Australia next year to visit the family and have already told them I will be renting a holiday apartment/house (because I could not handle the stress of staying with any of them!). I will have DS (who will be 3) and a baby (who I guess will be around 6 months)

The long haul sucks big time. There is no way around that. But eventually it does end.

OK, so here's the deeper issue: when there is no stress involved, our marriage works great. when there is a stressful situation to confront, i get really scared by the differences in our characters: I thrive on chaos, he completely melts down. so, do i want to do this on my own, knowing it will be hell, but I can handle it; or do I force him to come too, knowing it will cause a ruction, but he might be of some use with the luggage?

Will you hate him for ever if he doesn't come?
I would with my dh.

When we were in back of beyond in Turkey,dh would come to Istanbul with me and stay the night and take me to the airport so as to ease journey home (two further flights and long car journey after istanbul)

Help with luggage could be a deciding factor with me.
On our last flight, DH was being searched (his belt set off the detector) and I was folding the stroller to put through the X-ray and DS (aged 2) took off through security down the concourse

But I would go if I could (I missed my brother's wedding on the weekend because I am too pregnant to fly and am very )

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If staright through,then no luggage issue really. Just commandeer someone to get it off carousel.

Mind you,have vile memories of juggling pram,rucksack,whingeing 3 year old and suitcase as various fuckers strolled by us.

We managed though.

You could book extra assistance.

lol icod.
wish you all could have seen him at the weekend with 2 wheeled suitcases, waving me over to him, while I struggled with ds2 in pouch, double buggy, ds1 running off, 3 carry on bags and a trolly. actually, i am not sure if i don't hate him already, nevermind this bloody trip.

moondog, book extra assistance? more info?

You can if you need it.
If infirm for example.
Ring up airline and ask.

You know what I mean,those little cars with flashing lights and squeaky wheels.You will be sharing with an elderly skinny little Indian woman in a sari and old fashioned specs (have you noticed that whichever airport in the world you go to,this elderly Indian woman is there?)

I know a woman who was travelling with two small kids and asked for help at check in,to be told that only wheelchair users were eligible.

Her reply?

'Right,I'll have a wheelchair then!'

They duly brought one over,she jumped in and put littlies on her lap and off they wents.

My dh had 'special assistance' last time we came home from Turkey as had suspected broken back (false alarm thank God or standard of living would have slipped dramatically)

It was brill-whisked through diplomatic channels in a nanosecond.

Then he was escorted to first class while I suffered in monkey class with kids.

oregonianabroad,

Maybe if DH can't handle the trip, you can take someone else to help you.

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good plan! And we can use it for DH if he's feeling too fragile!

or if I break his legs! (wheelchair)

The Beckhams got a ride in one of those car things when they left the UK last week. I don'r see why other families shouldn't get the same treatment.