Selfish to go on holiday without baby?

[Katfluff]

Hi everyone

Hope I'm doing this right as it's my first post! (I specifically signed up as this topic is eating away at me so much)

My friend has asked me to go on holiday abroad for a week at the end of August, to a place I go every year (took our baby earlier this year) and basically see as my second home.

However this means leaving my baby, who will be 9 months old at the time, at home with my husband for a week. By this time I'll be back at work so my little one will be in childcare through the weekdays as normal, my husband will just need to look after him on the morning and nights (thankfully he's a good baby who sleeps through!)

Earlier in the year when my baby was 4 months old my husband went away on a cycling holiday for 6 nights and although I was totally fine with it, so many people asked me how he was getting away with it etc.

Will people judge me if I have a break for a week? Of course I will miss my little boy a huge amount, but am I being selfish? He is used to sleeping at grandparents etc so has spent the odd night away from us , but would he know I was gone at this age?

It's keeping me awake at night worrying about what people will think of me as a mother.

Any help would be great, Thank you So much!

Go, you will miss him like crazy, but enjoy yourself.

Of course people will judge you, but you wouldn't go because of that? Surely you have a sense of what's right or wrong for you as an individual! Follow your own values, do what's right for you

I wouldn't do it, cause it doesn't agree with me

I’d never have done it with my first but now I’ve got 2 I’d jump at the opportunity.

Who cares what other people think. If you want to go and feel comfortable and confident that your child will be looked after then that is all that matters.
I have gone away and left my child before and personally have found 3 nights the point when I need to come home and see them but everyone is different and it doesn’t make you any worse or better a Mum.
Mums definitely need ‘me time’ so have some sort of break for sure

Do what you think is right - don't base your decision on whether or not you'll be judged. Women are unfairly judged about everything.

My youngest is 2 and she is ok for 1-2 nights away from me (I have to work away sometimes) but 3 or more and she can get quite upset, asking where I am. BUT this is my family and my experience - yours is different - just posting to get you to think about how your little one might react.

Only other thing I'd ask you to think about is whether you feel like you'd enjoy the holiday or spend it worrying and missing the baby. If you think you'd genuinely enjoy yourself and the baby would be fine, then no reason not to go.

Will people judge me if I have a break for a week?

This is totally irrelevant. If you can reasonably assume that your little one will be well taken care of at home, and that you're likely to enjoy the time away, and can afford it, jump in with both feet!

I went to the USA for two weeks when mine were 9 months and two years. They stayed with grandparents who had a ball. I did miss them a lot but they seemed quite happy. This was before mobile phone days so only contact was a daily phone call. When I returned the nine month old had become quite attached to my mum but soon settled back at home . She had an amazing relationship with my mum until she died. I would say go for it. Your DC will be fine with dad.

The baby will be looked after. Go and enjoy yourself!

Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks, it’s none of their business.

9 months is a classic age for separation anxiety though, so personally I wouldn’t do it. I’d either take the baby or postpone the ‘adults only’ trip for a bit.

But if YOU think YOUR baby will be fine, then go, sod anyone else.

I wouldn’t worry what others will think, only about what it would mean for your baby and you and your DH.

Personally I wouldn’t do it. Not for a week. 9 months is peak time for separation anxiety. They suddenly change from being chilled with anyone to wanting you. And you going back to work is a big change in a baby’s life.

(I went back to work early, I am not judging, just observing).

He would definitely know you were gone. You'd miss each other but the world wouldn't end.
You say he'd be in childcare by then - adjusting to childcare can take time so I wouldn't go too soon after starting him there as it would be another disruption.

I have regular holidays without my DC. Couldn't care less what anyone thinks. Go and enjoy yourself.

Woodywoo that makes me feel a little better! How old is your little one? X

Some people will but fuck 'em.

You are not the only carer in her life.

I first went away when they were 6 months. It's not affected them in the slightest.

I love my DC more than anything but i'm still a friend, wife, person in my own right. There is absolutely no need or reason to give up holidays when my DC is happy with her dad or grandma for the time I'm away.

You sound like a good mother OP and if you’re confident that your baby will be looked after well, go for it.

It sounds like your baby will be well cared for. It comes down to if you would enjoy the holiday.

I left my then 8 month old to go to s wedding abroad for two nights, I had a great time but I couldn't have done longer. I also knew there were multiple flights back if I needed to get back quickly.

DH travelled for work a lot when DD was tiny, I doubt anybody asked why he did it instead of being there every night for bedtime.

Obviously work is different to a leisure break but as long as there is somebody the baby knows like his/her other parent it should be absolutely fine.

Thanks so much for your advice everyone I'm still having a good think about it but you have made me feel a lot better and less of a bad person

It doesn't help that my mother thinks I'm "greedy" and that neither myself or my husband should be leaving eachother with the baby, because "I didn't get a break with you". She has really fallen out with me about it!

I am currently looking after my nieces whilst my sister has gone on holiday. No judging from me!