Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Holidays

Use our Travel forum for recommendations on everything from day trips to the best family-friendly holiday destinations.

Taking my mother with us to Cyprus as 'nanny' to give me and DH a break from 3 under 5... advice needed!

19 replies

sooz31 · 07/03/2007 20:23

My mum has agreed to come with us for week in Cyprus in lovely hotel in April. DS1 will probably be in kids club but no other clubs available for DD and DS2 (2y 4m and 6m).

So what should we expect from her that is reasonable? She is an early riser and will go to bed early. So aside from breakfast and babysitting each night how do you think we should 'contract' with her in the day?

She's a lively 68 yr old and brilliant with the children but there is a limit and we don't want to take the proverbial. Anyone done this? Did you agree who was 'on duty' up front or on a day to day basis?!!

Thanks in advance for any advice you have on this one.

Sooz

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 07/03/2007 20:24

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 07/03/2007 20:24

Message withdrawn

compo · 07/03/2007 20:25

I'd rather go on holiday just us rather than all that hassle1
(sorry, not v. helpful but agree with Cod)
Are you paying for her to go. How much does she expect to do?

compo · 07/03/2007 20:26

Oh good point Cod, might be easier just to leave them at home wiht her?

FluffyMummy123 · 07/03/2007 20:26

Message withdrawn

ledodgyDave · 07/03/2007 20:26

won;t nights out and morning ever night give you enough of a break? Why not spend the days with your children?

helbel3 · 07/03/2007 20:27

agree with cod. She is your mother enjoy yourselves, chill out and take each day as it comes. Or if you like to be organised ask her to babysit alternate nights, anymore than that then i think it is taking the provervial, she is 68 it will be nice for her to relax too. If you want a nanny to be on duty in such a formal way, hire one in the uk and take with you, or, contact the hotel to have a few lined up for you to choose from.

Alan · 07/03/2007 20:27

are you paying her> and is she a widow?

My sil and bil have done this for years with mil and I have to say last year she refused. She also told them she has decided she is going to backdate their unpayments to her and write it out of their will....I think she was only joking but it made me She refuses to go away with them anymore. Be careful

ledodgyDave · 07/03/2007 20:27

*every

FluffyMummy123 · 07/03/2007 20:27

Message withdrawn

twentypence · 07/03/2007 20:28

I think if you get breakfast and nights out covered you are on the pigs back actually.

She could be handy to have a siesta with the 6m while you take the other two swimming.

Soapbox · 07/03/2007 20:30

We always have one holiday a year when we take my Mum with us, as she is widowed and would not otherwise have a nice holiday.

We take her because we love her and the children love her. We do almost everything together except for a couple of nights when she will stay in with the children while DH and I go out for dinner together.

DH takes the children for an afternoon while she and I go shopping usually too.

Otherwise we all chip in.

Your proposals sound so cold and unloving it makes me feel quite sad - in fact I wouldn't treat a nanny in that way never mind my own mother

And I do agree with Cod - why do you want to escape from your children so much on holiday?

fortyplus · 07/03/2007 20:31

She's your Mum and it sounds as though she's great.

Don't have a formal arrangement - just ask her each day what she'd like to do.

And make sure that you and she have a 'girls only' outing at least once - she'll love it.

ledodgyDave · 07/03/2007 20:32

Well said Soapbox.

miljee · 07/03/2007 21:23

My mum and dad used to frequently go on our cheapy Sun caravanning trips with us (separate cars), upto 5 days/4 nights at a time, usually twice a year. We always had a great time together- my parents got more 'fun' time with the boys (now 5 and 7) and, on trips out, there were 4 pairs of eyes keeping a watch on things. We'd all muck in together by and large, nothing formal about the arrangements. They'd babysit, usually after 8pm-ish ie after all the hard work had been shared, then they'd watch TV and do their usual evening stuff and we'd go out to a pub (sometimes with dad) or the 'entertainment'. Often that'd be once, maybe twice per holiday, otherwise we'd eat in together or go out all together. For me the great advantage was in the extra pair of hands (mum's!) helping with the boys, and the 'payback' for mum and dad was in quality fun time with the boys, watching them enjoy the beach or a castle or whatever and a trip awayfrom home, with DH and I kind of making the decisions, doing the booking etc.

I must say I did have a good relationship with my folks (mum does pick up 2x a week from school for me, til 5pm). Dad died a year ago and we wondered how mum would feel about the trips, but she's carried on coming along, the main difference being we'd only leave her 'alone' ie babysitting one evening out of a long weekend, say.

In short, it very much depends what your mum's relationship is with her grandkids and you. You say she's brilliant which is a plus! My advice would be not to get too heavy into the contract-y stuff, just play it by ear on a day by day basis. I think it's OK to say 'Is it OK if you keep an eye on 'x' til lunchtime?' so everyone knows where they stand but you'd probably find, like we do that just having someone to take that suddenly whingey child off your hands for a bit will lighten the load, even if you're actually doing stuff together.

Be careful of making assumptions such as, I must say 'aside from breakfast and babysitting each night' which is actually QUITE an assumption! If I were granny I'd find that a bit much, tbh, and as for babysitting every night, does that require her to sleep in the same room or vicinity of the children? As others have posted, you take along a nanny if that's the level of help you require!- but it can be a win/win situation IF you remain sensitive to each other's needs and wants and accommodate accordingly.

sooz31 · 08/03/2007 13:16

Fair point about my thread starter sounding cold - it doesn't read so well. We want to have a family break, but with some time out too.

My mum and I have a very good relationship. Our week away is something that I'm really looking forward to - my Dad doesn't do travelling anymore (he's been there and done it all apparently). When we talked about whether she would be interested in coming along, she was very keen, but it was her that talked about 'agreeing her duties up frnot' (at my dad's suggestion I
suspect). I suppose I thought this normal... and is why I needed help working it out. from your comments below I guess it's not normal!!

Thanks, especially to miljee for the
advice . I'm not the cold mother/daughter I might have come across as.

I'm think I'm trying too hard to make sure we all have a nice time.

OP posts:
ScottishThistle · 08/03/2007 13:20

I'm shocked!

Even as a Nanny I've never been subject to such formal arrangements on holiday!

Take each day as it comes, just having an extra pair of eyes/hands should be enough help!

hermykne · 08/03/2007 13:23

soooz31
do they not offer a babysitting facility customers that you could use in the day
i would prefer to pay for this than assume mum will rope in.

tbh i dont think there is any point going on hols to a resort thAT DOESNT HAVE BABYSITTING and kids club.

sooz31 · 08/03/2007 13:42

I'm getting the idea that I should relax the 'must plan/must have a routine' and take each day as it comes!

Will chat to mum about it tonight.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page