Well, obviously this all starts with me being incredibly dumb and thinking that DD's passport was still valid for a month or so, when it had actually expired. We travel Thursday 23 March. I spotted the problem yesterday (Friday 17th)
I called the passport office helpline. The chap tells me that the 1-day emergency passport service isn't available for children. I need to apply online, send in the documents by next day delivery, and then when the documents arrive buy an upgraded online application that might, with luck, get everything back to me in time. He said very specifically to ask for a Saturday delivery, because the passport office are a 7 day service and that will buy me 2 more days.
So I haul DD out of school, get her photographed (you have to do new photos for kids apparently) and get the photos countersigned by the Head. School are incredibly helpful, bless them. Whole thing goes in an envelope, posted Friday afternoon for guaranteed Saturday delivery to a PO box in Newport. So far so good.
Today (Saturday 18th) I call up the passport office helpline again to process the upgrade. The lady tells me that the bloke yesterday was talking rubbish. The passport office in Newport do work weekends, but they only process existing applications. They won't check the post and upload documents into the system that the helpline access to do the upgrade. The earliest the documents will hit the system is Monday and it won't necessarily be early on Monday either. I will have to check back repeatedly through the day.
Also, for an upgraded child application, they have extra security and they will have to phone the person who signed the photos. So DD's Head teacher will have to happen to be in and available on the end of the phone while they are processing the thing or it will be delayed.
To fly on Thursday morning, we will need to receive the passport on Wednesday. Which means the passport office need to complete and send it Tuesday.
The helpline lady didn't rate our chances.
The frustrating thing is ... if I could get hold of a human in the passport office in Newport, I might be able to persuade them to check the post and scan in the documents, giving us our 2 days back. I specifically wrote the passport application number on the back of the envelope in BIG writing, so it should be very easy to pick out of the mail, they don't need to open anything. But they don't give out any local numbers, just the helpline - to stop hundreds of desperate people like me doing this every day, I guess.
Has anyone any advice/experience? DD has a tap exam today, or I would be driving from Surrey to Newport right now and grovelling on my knees before a bemused member of Her Majesty's Passport Service.
(& to avoid drip feeding I suppose I should say that this is the ONLY time we will get to go on holiday this year and ONLY these dates will do because DD's sister is booked into the children's hospice which is hugely oversubscribed. It's Thursday or No Holiday.)