Having Other people/Friends stay Your House - Rules Please!

[Fio2]

as you know I have moved by the sea and we have a growing list of people who have invited themselves to say, some for a week or two at a time!

We have a spare room and I dont mind people staying with us but do I have to buy there shopping or just let them use my house and buy their own stuff? Do I just shut the door on their room and not go in until they have left? or show them where the cleaning stuff is?

Also going out. We have had relatives come to stay who expect us to go out for meals every night because they are on holiday they dont seem to understand we cant afford it every night!

Should I organise some day trips or just leave them to decide themselves, sort of leave them to it?

I am okay with a couple of nights its just a few weeks I feel at a loss at how to behave

Be (nicely) clear at the outset - like when they ring to 'book themselves in'...for e.g say 'oh it will be LOVELY to see you - that's not our holiday time so we won't be able to join you on all your holiday outings, but you'll be happy to make yourselves at home and fend for yourselves, won't you?'

I am a miserable so and so, I don't like more than a day with guests or as a guest but we have successfully managed a week with some friends in the USA and this is how it worked:

we were shown our rooms and they left us to it. Weren't told about cleaning stuff (would have liked it for the bathroom!!)

They included our washing with theirs which was a blessing for us, but not everyone would want this.

Free run of food but in effect this was just drinks and breakfast cereal.

We paid for a supermarket shop, bought them a couple of meals out, split a takeaway 50-50.

Friends had suggested daytrips, found out opening times but left us to sort it out. I am paranoid about not giving people personal space when we are guests so we made sure we didn't just "get underfoot".

Thing is, there are only 3 of us and they are childless and comfortably off. I think you have loads of guests coming you would be better off stating clearly what you expect. So, if you'd rather they self-catered "supermarket is just down the road". If you want them to go out "There are lots of things to do, I'm sure you'll find your way quite easily" and so on.

But as i said I don't do guest/host very well...

Fio, we get a lot of visits and we normally set the rules at the beginning if they are staying for more than a weekend.

They should feel at home so I provide them with towels and linen on their arrival, have dinner together and before going to sleep I explain to them the rules by disguising them as useful info:

• The fridge, food, water etc is located here.... you are welcome to take what ever you want, if you need something we don't have while I'm away there's a very useful supermarket around the corner.

• You can find the plates, glasses and pans here, and the Fairy, and other cleaning items in this other cupboard.

• I explain how to find their way around the city and provide a map, and telephone number in case they get lost, sometimes I lend my mobile to them so we can meet in town if they are around.

• If we are not terribly busy we go out with them during the day, or take them to interesting places, but allow them the freedom to have some time for themselves should they need it.

About the people expecting that you go out every night... that's quite different issue, it's very difficult for them to realise that you are not in holiday and can not afford to eat out every day. We still have problems sometimes but, because we sort of continue with our lives while they are around they soon understand we are not on holiday and can not be partying all the week. I normally leave a box with sweets or chocolates at the bed side table or prepare their room to the tinyiest detail so they realise that eventhough we may be busy they are highly welcomed.

Ch.
PS> Don't forget that if you are busy, or simply can't afford an expensive visit that will need constant supervision or a lot of eating out, you an say that you are going to be away in holidays at the time they wanted to come. Is not only when they can come but when you can receive them

That was loooong, hopefully also helpful

We've had people to stay for quite a while on a few occasions and I ended up putting together a file with different chapters eg.How the washing machine works, locking the house up, how the video works, where good local restaurants/supermarkets are etc. Then depending on who's staying/how long for etc they either get the file or the personal service!

Don't do the host/guest thing as I really like my own space. We did have a friend and her dh stay just for one night when we first moved in. Also we stayed with friends in the Lake District on New Years Eve 1999 and they cooked dinner but then we all sat around in the evening playing games and drinking (we took alcohol with us). Our friends' sister and her dh and kids also came up later on and we had a great time but they stayed for several days (as a consequence of Southern Comfort forfeits!)