TopTips for going away with another family

[unicorn]

We're thinking of going abroad + sharing a cottage this year with some newish friends.(known since having kids).
Anybody got good advice as to how to make holiday work?

Find out what their kids' bedtime and mealtime routines are before committing to anything. If they're in the habit of letting the kids eat with adults and stay up till 11pm while you're 'pack them off to bed at 6pm so we can get some peace' kind of people, then you will all end up killing each other.

If you are likely to end up with issues of who paid for what or who paid more often open a "bank account".
They way it works is that you calculate how much you can spend then agree on a daily figure to be put in the account every day (one amount per child a different per adult) and name one person to manage (or carry )it.

If you go to a restaurant rather than discussing how much every one should paid you just pay from the account, it also work for ice creams, transport and activities that everyone in the group takes part of. Toys and gifts are excluded.

We used to do it for University trips and saved us a lot of bad feelings and misunderstandings.

Good luck

Tricky, discuss what you all want out of the holiday before you go, make sure that you don't bunk the kids all in together - even better have two adjoining properties so as to avoid the disruption to the routine business that frogs has mentioned. That way everyone is happy and adults can still have lots of BBQs and beer on the patio in the evening sun....

Work out / discuss how you are going to handle money throughout...kitty for groceries in the accommodation / what about meals when out / treats etc / shared petrol.

Whether you will do everyothng as a group, things you particularly want to do, agreement that it's ok to go seaparate ways on some days, maybe.

What you're looking forward to...what you respectively see as the things you might wish you'd discussed in hindsight! Have a meal and bottle of wine and discuss it all openly!

If possible have separate cars. It's unlikely you'll all want to do the same thing all the time.

wow! loads of stuff there...
I think we will have seperate activities as well as joint.
Anybody had a major fallout due to their holiday?

but is so much cheaper if we do beety...

Make sure there's enough hot water for everyone! May sound trivial, but we shared a holiday last year and there was only enough hot water each night for one bath. We ended up plonking them all in together.

Agree with unicorn I have seen many friendships crumble under these circumstances

oh dear maybe we will think again... hasn't anyone had a good time with another family?

Next door apartments/houses and own cars is a recipe for success - closer confines means more potential compromises/friction.
I love holidays like this - generally holiday with around 10 people - relatives & friends together!

We've had a couple of successful trips with another family, but they are long standing friends. Do make sure your parenting styles are roughly similar though or that you really can compromise on things such as behaviour and bedtimes. If you can bear it allow each couple a little space on their own by sitting for their kids on a reciprocal basis.

Make sure there are really enough rooms as one couple sleeping in the living room can be awkward, especially if you need to go through it to get to kitchen or bathroom !

Plan to take some food with you so that you are covered for a few days of basics to avoid pressure to go shopping, and say, each take ingredients for a easy throw together meal for everyone (pasta for example) Make sure there is either a bbq already or that you have some disposables as these are a more relaxed way of cooking and eating.

tbh adjacent properties and cars sounds more ideal if you are at all uncertain about it.

I've had one good holiday with friends, and one bad. In fact this year am going again with the same set of friends.

My good holiday with friends was due in part because we didn't expect to spend every waking moment together, we agreed to spilt costs for food, and were generally laid back about things, and we all like to share a glass or two of wine afterwards in the evenings Oh yes - and most importantly if going self catering make sure there is a dishwasher to save on any arguments. If it works out a holiday with friends can be most rewarding.

WE also found it helped that we agreed to take turns in cooking and clearing up afterwards too.

Yes - really enjoyed a caravan holiday a few years ago eith my brother and his family. Would do it again though would have separate accomodation next door to each other, but mostly for reasons of having more space. We have similar ideas of kids bedtime/behaviour etc though and babysat for each other a night each. We just halved the shopping costs and took turns doing the ice-cream thing and it worked out well. We do, however, have friends we know and love dearly, but are sure we couldn't holiday with them!!

A dishwasher would save a lot of arguments in here...

We're going camping with our next door neighbours in a couple of months and I'm dreading it. They don't drink (well we don't either usually but would probably make an exception on holiday) and their kids don't have a 'bedtime'. Ours do.

As for sharing, I've been to centre parcs and oasis lots of times and shared 8-person chalets with allsorts of people, all ages, close and not. It's only a holiday, and chances are you won't spend much time in the accommodation anyway so I'd say go for it.

• get a large enough house - 4 bed, 2 bath would seem to be the minimum for 2 families not to drive eachother potty, imo (separate properties - how would the adults eat together in the evening or do the reciprocal babysitting?)

- get a feel for parenting styles - imo would be best to go with a family with similar views (e.g. both families love/abhor routine) - agree the money for incidentals aspect - agree basic ground rules for chores, e.g. whether the adults will take it in turns to cook for all the children/eachother (although if you are expecting all the children to eat together do check you have similar standards on what constitutes a good kids meal) - agree that each family will do its own thing during the day, unless decided otherwise at the time! - do not comment on the behaviour of the other family's children or their parenting style - unless it is to compliment them!

serenequeen - I would say your last point is one of the most important

very good advice one and all.. thanks I think we may just go for it... it'd be good for the kids and nice for us adults too (I hope)

I've never done this, but I do remember a perceptive article about shared holidays with friends by Susie Orbach, years ago. As well as many of the sensible points made here, she said that a lot of conflicts that arise on holidays like these stem from battles over who is 'in charge', deciding what to do, where to go and how much to spend, in particular. I would hesitate about going on holiday with the family of a very dear friend of mine because she is a bit bossy and I can imagine the resentments this could give rise to.

Oh dear... my pal is known jokingly as the fuhrer as she is somewhat er dictatorial... but I don't mind being organised by someone else for a week...(i think!!)

We've done it with (different) good long-standing friends a couple of times and are doing it again this year with a third couple. If this is your only holiday this year and it's really really important to you that you get to do everything you want your way (which is fair enough - holidays are important things) then it might not be the best idea. If, on the other hand, you're quite easy-going and prepared to compromise a bit then it'll be fine. We went with one couple, where there was no assumption that we'd do the same thing and it was lovely and relaxed. Another couple we found it a bit ott for us - they HAD to rush off and plan things every day (again, fair enough) but it wasn't our style and we felt a bit pressured - but it was never going to cause a fall out, but I don't think we'll do it again. Didn't help that the weather wasn't brilliant so no lazing around in the sun.

oH GOSH

we did quite a few times, it was only small breaks (less than a week), but never had any problems and were not worried at all about it.

I think as long as people are flexible and understanding there shouldn't be problems.

The first time was with 2 other families, we all had babies the same age and I was friends with the wives, though I only ever saw them at work.

We are not all similar, but being all intelligent peole there were never any problems, no one ever tried to impose their wishes onto anyone else, and we actually had a great time (even though it took us hours to leave the house each day). We took it in turns to cook and clean, and no one ever tried to get away with it na ddoing the chores in company meant they were not chores at all!! (I would never do a self catering holiday on our own actually!!)

We tend to have a similar break at least once a year, not always with the same people, whoever is free and happy to come and has children of a similar age.

DH and I are very laid back people, and someone would ahve to do something really nasty before they would ruin our holiday. In general we're just happy to be on holiday and will take things as they come, we go for the company mainly.

Good luck and enjoy your holiday!!