Gap year with 4 year old - good idea?!

[doolittle79]

Hello -
My 4 year old son is not going to be going to school for another year as he is right at the cut off date for the school. I have this crazy notion to take him and do a volunteering programme for a time and take a sabbatical from work which I could probably get. I can't seem to see much about this online other than solo travellers or groups of young people! I am 37 and a single parent and work full time. I want this final year to be special and would appreciate any ideas! Thanks :)

Sounds amazing! What a life experience for you both and if you struggle...come home?! Nothing stopping you - go for it

Op already said she has tefl qualification which is teaching English as a foreign language.

Where? I can't see anything about TEFL.

My idea of hell, but if you want to, and know instinctively that he could cope with it, why not?

Travel as much as you can for aslong as you can. Your child will love it and it will enrich his life with culture and experiences. Children are very adaptable more so than adults. If I had the chance I would certainly do it. I'll book the ticket and myself and my four year old will join you . It will be the best experience of your life.

We worked in an orphanage for six weeks (children with complex disabilities, HIV, TB and no health issues) with a three year old of our own. We just got all the vaccinations necessary and went for it. Although there were times when we had to take time out for her sake, it was still a really positive, enriching experience for us all that she still talks about and learns from in retrospect. I would do it.

indy100.independent.co.uk/article/white-saviour-barbie-is-here-to-mock-your-worthy-gap-yah-abroad--Z1aKzFJPZW

Speaking English is not the same as teaching English.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog - the key word there is 'we'.
just out of interest, do you think it was a 'positive enriching experience' for the orphans? Surely it is really sad for them to not be able to bond with anyone because they are only there for a few weeks, to allow their own child to have fun memories?

I would also question just how positive and enriching an experience it was for the orphans, particularly given that you had to take time to comfort your own daughter while you were there. Sounds like you were just three more mouths to feed. Unless of course you spent your three weeks there discovering cures for HIV TB and other complex health issues.

Cru and Maria, you do realise how many orphanages overseas work? Many have 100 children and 2 staff, babies therefore are confined to cribs all day and bottle propped up. Therefore volunteers even for one day are highly beneficial. Those offering volunteer placements usually only ask for a few weeks at a time as this is the max many can get off work. Yes 2 weeks, but times that by many teams over the year means that many babies get some attention/ held/ fed more/ walked around. Yes they have various carers playing with them , but it's better than none surely?

I am well aware of the state of orphanages but am also aware that children whose caregivers change week by week grow up to develop severe attachment problems and that this is not negated by the fact that they are in Romania. Going there for a couple of weeks might well make you feel better. It does next door to bugger all for the kids and in many cases actually harms them because vulnerable, stressed children do not do so well when they are exposed to the tender ministrations of albeit well-meaning but ultimately untrained people who think that just because they are Western they have the answer to everything. Please read the article I linked to. It is satire, but there is a lot of truth to it.

If someone really wants to do something to help the poor little orphans, they'd do better to take the money they would have spent on their 'enriching' poverty tourism holiday and give it directly to an agency on the ground so that they could fund a six month placement for someone local to do something genuinely useful.

They get far far better outcomes than no caregivers as I have mentioned

The choice is no attachment what so ever,no cuddles, no ecouraging to eat or move . This leads to more children gaining physically disabilities they never had, mental from lack of stimulation, and many dieing from lack of food as the time isn't there to patiently feed those failing to thrive. Most left in institutions as too many problems to deal with

Or you can have children who are mentally and physically at their correct ages, sociable, and therefore more likely to be successfully fostered or adopted.

Do they really have better outcomes? And crucially do they have better outcomes than if the self-styled Mother Theresas who go out there (and traumatise their own kids in the process by the sounds of it) were to hand over the money so that local outfits - which do exist - were able to find their own solutions. I really find it difficult to believe that the untrained Westerners are single-handedly turning around the lives of these children to the point that they are where they should be, mentally and physically, given that we have a much more robust care system here in the UK and even within that children are, largely, failed.

Wow! Such bitterness about our trip!

I don't like volunteering tourism either and I agree that there are situations in which the upheaval of having short-term volunteers isn't worth the faff. Or the broken connection at the end of the placement. And I was almost going to add another post to say I forgot to say that the added value for the children we worked with was significant, going by feedback and progress that we could see ourselves.

I said we had to take time out with our DD, not that she was TRAUMATISED!! [sighs] I hate mumsnet sometimes. And no, taking our DD to the beach or the petting zoo for the odd morning didn't render the relationships we were building with other children null and void, especially as we weren't living on site.

The home we worked in was carefully chosen and run by our friends, who we had promised to visit for years beforehand. It is run by a mother and fully trained nurse, who has every reason for knowing the safety risks to other children inside out. We did exactly what she had done for her own kids in terms of vaccinations.

The nature of the home was a 'place of temporary safety', so it was not where traumatised children go to form the long-term relationships that will be with them as they make their home somewhere new. In that context, where you want children to feel safe and occupied but perhaps not form attachments that are too significant, a highly trained volunteer was welcomed. The reality is that many children in such scenarios are under-stimulated because the well-meaning administrators are stretched trying to raise more funds/ make the tea given that the electricity has gone again. Having someone low-key and loving to soothe the baby, read stories, do some learning through play and play lots of football brought happiness to the children. I don't think they would have been damaged by our leaving because there are so many more significant adults around them who don't leave them.

In our case, we have been sacrificially supporting this project for years and have seen many great things done with the money we've given, but we were keen to be there in person to support our friends who are so far from home (important job if they are not to burn out!) and do the things I have mentioned above. The children are desperate for attention. Even if it isn't possible to provide them with the long-term home that one hopes is coming, their immediate need is for stable home and a kind, empathic person to take an interest in them. That's what they needed and that's what they got.

It wasn't easy for us to go due to some tragic personal circumstances but we did it for our friends and the children and have no regrets.

Please think twice before casually and mockingly rubbishing another poster's experience.

Please think

Please think twice before dismissing all

Don't know what happened at the end there. Please think!

All I would say is that if you are not qualified to do it here, then do not do it abroad.

Plenty of projects working with children here that don't require prior training.

Untrained people can do their own bit to make an already bad situation worse. Their own wanting to help is further exploited not just to say the effect untrained short term visitors have on these children.

You would not dream of turning up and entering a childrens home in the UK so why is it ok to do so abroad?.

Atilla, with the best will in the world, you don't know what you're talking about. You know nothing of the circumstances of the home or, I suspect, how these places actually run. The OP asked for information and I gave it to her to be helpful. While you can of course say what you like on a public forum, I didn't invite criticism on my choice or intend to start a discussion about the rights and wrongs of volunteering with children - a discussion that couldn't usefully take place in this context without a great deal more information than I am prepared to give you.

There are schemes all around the world, and not just in developing countries, that facilitate members of the public reaching out to children in the care system and I'm sure there is research out there to show that such schemes can be of benefit. As I said earlier, I don't disagree with the general point you are making but I strongly disagree with the suggestion that there is no place for volunteering with 'these children' unless you're a qualified professional. 'These children' are in many ways simply children, who are as delighted to have a story read to them as the next child. It would be a sorry day for them if the world ignored them because they have the misfortune to be in the care system.

I'm not going to keep engaging with this thread for the reasons I've given.

You don't have to be trained to volunteer even in the uk.
My grandmother is 80. She still volunteers twice a week to listen to children read at a local school. She isn't trained or qualified to do this, but of course it makes a difference. Yes it's not life changing but every little helps right?

A lovely women who runs an orphanage in Romania I know tells people the story of the starfish. It's along the lines of how one day a man walked along a beach with a friend, it was full of thousands of washed up starfish dying. The man started picking up a starfish and threw it back into the see. His friend laughed an asked him what the point was as there was thousands of starfish and even those thrown back in the sea might wash back up tomorrow. The mans replay was ' well today I helped that starfish'. The morale being that every little thing can help even if it seems minute on the whole.

What a shame that as strong modern women we still manage to turn on each other like this. Ever heard the term if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all?? No probably not.
One of the reasons I'm considering leaving Mumsnet. Thought we were supposed to be supporting each other.

It isn't essential to agree with someone just because you have the same genitalia.

I also think that volunteering should be done at home - no need for visas, insurance or flights. To help abroad, go spend money as a tourist or send money to reputable organisations.

Wow!

Problem?

As I said, we don't have to agree. But I think that voluntourism is a minefield, even without the visa and insurance issues.