taking other people's children out for the day

[wendym]

when I take children out for the day I regard the trip as the treat and don't expect to buy photographs on the roller coaster or souvenirs. I might run to an ice-cream. Ame I terribly mean?

No, quite agree!

Taking other people's children out for the day - not mean you deserve a medal!

When you say children - not sure if you mean yours or someone elses?

I confess with my 5 yo I usually run to a post card for a scrap book or token souvenir. If its your children you are taking out, they presumably are older (roller coasters) and have pocket money - and so makes sense to encourage them to use that for souvenirs rather than say yes to every request. Totally agree with you saying no to additional (rip off photo) extras.

But if you are taking out other people's kids agree totally with CAM - also think those parents should cop on to the fact they are having free babysitting and consider your position. Firstly not put you in that position of having to say no, and secondly they should also provide you with a spending/ice cream allowance for their child that is commensurate with what that child is normally allowed on such a trip(and fits in with your own children's normal expectations of such a trip which should be agreed with other parent so there is no discrimination etc).

sorry this got a bit long!

sorry I was very dippy on last message - I should have read the heading properly !!

I just tell mine I don't have enough money and they accept it amazingly enough! R

We're just getting to the stage where we're taking other kids out for the day and at the moment them being just under 3 means most places give them free admission so I feel fine about providing ice cream or snacks.
The last time we took one of DD's friends out for an entire day the other mum gave me some money which made me feel a bit awkward - I understand her sentiment but do I then provide an expenses breakdown/justification for where the money went or was she expecting change ???!
I think I'd prefer an occasional reciprocal trip, what do you guys think ?

twink, I think it depends on the friend. When good friends of mine take my son out for half day treats - cinema, swimming etc - I always give them money to cover the approx cost of the ticket and food. (My son is 7, so entrance fees can be steep. Of course money is less of an issue when they are very young).

My friends do the same to me when we reciprocate. This is because none of us have unlimited funds, but we like to think our children can have fun together whenever time permits. I would hate to think my friends would not invite ds on an outing simply because they couldn't afford it. However, we don't count pennies and we never ask for change. Alternatively, we agree on a reciprocal outing there and then, with each of us paying the whole cost, so we each know where we stand.

Hope this doesn't sound too mean, but taking out two or more 7 year olds for a swim and a burger afterwards can get quite expensive.

Twink, probably depends on the friend. Personally if someone gave me a tenner for their child and I spent 4 quid I might give them a fiver back. Likewise if I spent 11 quid I wouldn't ask for the extra pound. Also as Tigermoth says its also about reciprocal arrangements and whether you/your child are happy to go with the other parent. The point is if that if they have given you money, if there is a reciprocal trip you then give them some money. Next time round you might suggest doing the trip and suggest no money exchange, in exchange for a similar trip later as Tigermoth suggests. However the danger here for those on a budget - one trip may be a trip to park (cheap) the reciprocal trip might be to the zoo (not cheap). If you have pots of money this may not bother you but if you have a limited budget then logically you cannot afford to subsidise other kids if this is potentially to the detriment of your own.

The children are all of an age where admission charges apply. I had half-trained mine not to ask all the time for the extras but I'm feeling a bit mean after friends who were returning hospitality did buy the roller coaster photo and pay for the face painting. I much prefer to give the parent the admission charge and ice cream money and have them stick to that.

I have enough trouble taking my own out!
Now the weather is getting better I take them out to lots of places (just got an annual pass to Whipsnade zoo). The problem is that my 2 (2 1/4 and 3 1/2) constantly ask me if I'm going to buy them an icecream and what present I'm going to buy them.
This puts a real dampner on the trips and is beginning to get me down because if I ignore them they keep on and on and if I say no they make a scene.
If I buy them an icecream then they start up again a little while later.
I don't want to be mean with them but I can't afford to buy them everything they demand.
They are really spoiling things to the point where I think ' why do I bother to take them out'?
Any advice, I just hoping they are going to grow out of it.

Just curious - but at what age do you all feel is appropriate for toddlers to start spending days out with their friends parents? My son is 2 and a half, but we haven't seemed to get into this yet (although we see lots of his friends with parents in tow for trips out).He still seems a bit young is my feeling.
Any views?

Sister, yes the nagging and wanting is a problem that IME, starts as soon as they can talk and never completely goes away. You just have to cultivate a thick skin and a deaf ear.

When I take my two out, any treats are saved for the end of the outing if at all possible, and dependent on good behavour. I don't count an ice lolly on a hot day as a big treat, though. To save money, I take a few sweets and fill up small bottles with tap water or squash.

Motherofone, looking at my two, I think 2.5 years is too young for outings with friends minus you, unless it's a half hour jaunt to a local park or indoor playcentre. I think you need to wait till your son is used to taking orders from another adult, like a teacher, and going on nursery or school trips before you consider day long outings. Mind you, your child might be more obedient than my two!

Tigermoth,Batters, I shall carry on with the outings out but try to develop the thick skin!
Tigermoth, I don't think I could get away with taking out a few sweets as they would have one then pester me for another and another, but I suppose anything is worth a try, thanks for you suggestions.

Just to encourage you. I don't regularly buy my sons anything (when they are with me), and NEVER buy them anything if they ask or whinge for it. I occasionally buy them something as a treat when they have been good, or at the end of a day of an outing if they have been well-behaved. (But not always, and they certainly don't expect it). Yes, I know it sounds draconian and cruel, especially in a situation where we can afford to buy them stuff, but the result is they don't whinge and whine constantly for things. If they see something in a shop they like, they ask me to put it on the list for their birthday or Christmas .... They are NOT angels in every respect, but this sort of thing was important to me, as I like taking them out a lot, and can't stand children constantly asking for things, that they don't need. ... Or maybe it's just how they were born, or cos they're boys, and nothing to do with the way they've been raised...?!

But why not try it - and see if it works for you!