My husband and I did a 3 week round trip from SF in 2010 and it was one of the best holidays I’ve ever had, and something I still daydream about on a cold drizzly Scottish morning! We don’t have kids but did most of the things on your list except for Disney.
We did look into going SF-LA or vice versa but figured by the time we’d driven down the coast road and back into the parks we were nearly back to SF so might as well make it a round trip (it also makes flights and car hire logistically easier and cheaper too).
The thing that swung SF-SF rather than LA-LA for us was that, as Tinkerball says, driving down the coast from SF you are on the coast side of the road IYSWIM so easier to pull over/uninterrupted views etc whereas driving upwards you are on the other side of the highway but either way you will get spectacular views!
SF (4 nights) SF is a wonderful city. Great to walk around or use the vintage cable car system if you get tired of the hills! Alcatraz of course. The Chinatown is one of the biggest you’ll ever see. You can hire bikes and cycle over the golden gate bridge (usually comes with a free ferry ride back so you don’t have to do the return journey if the novelty has wore off!). Golden gate park is lovely and fabulous old restored merry go round. We didn’t pick up a car before leading SF as parking can be difficult to find and £££. Also hotels in SF are expensive! We stayed in the Holiday Inn express and it was fine.
Stopped at Santa Cruz (1 night) (good old fashioned amusement park with classic wooden rollercoaster.
Monterey (2 nights) – another vote for the aquarium-it’s really wonderful. Also lots and lots of wonderful seafood resturants here. Did day trips to Carmel- Very glam beach town with a beautiful beach. Pebble beach -17 mile drive. it’s private so you have to pay a small entrance fee but worth it for the views if the weather is good.
Big sur (2 nights). Fantastic place -wished we’d stayed longer. We were constantly passing places we wanted to stop because we had to make it to our next hotel. Andrew molera state park has a California condor lab where they tell you about the bird and best places to spot them ( we didn’t see any unfortunately)
Elephant seals are a must see at piedras blancas
Santa barbara (2 nights) nice. Can’t think of any highlights here except the wonderful CA wine we had!
LA – (2 nights) Much better than I was expecting. We’re nature lovers but also interested in film and so really enjoyed the movie sights here. Warner Bros guided tour was brilliant ( real working sets not a theme park). If you like any of the shows filmed there tell the guide and they will usually tailor the tour to show you those sights. Observatory is also cool and great views of LA. Hollywood museum is also great if you are at all interested in special effects/costumes etc. La brea tar pits and museum are also great.
We then drove to OC from LA. Thought venice beach/Malibu etc was a bit of a let down but Huntington beach and Newport do have gorgeous beaches and nice change after LA. If you want some beach time or want to try surfing then it’s worth considering a day or two here. If time is tight though I would prioritise big sur/sequoia and Yosemite because those are probably the sights you won’t get anywhere else.
Sequoia National park (2 nights) was amazing and one of the absolute highlights of our trip. It has the biggest tree in the world and you really can’t believe how big the trees actually are until you stand next to them. They also do free ranger guided tours which are short but informative. We actually saw 3 bears on our walk so I was glad to have a ranger with us to be honest! We stayed in a hotel outside the park but I think an RV would be wonderful. Just make sure to follow all the advice about storing food in bear proof lockers.
Yosemite (3 nights)- breath-taking! Does get very touristy in the camps and on the roads through the park but thins out a lot if you go out onto the walking trails. Accommodation in the park books up very quickly so book early if you want to stay in or close to the park. We stayed in a ranch about a 30min drive away and travelled in each day as our trip was relatively last minute.
We then had 2 days to get back to SF so drove up through gold country to see the historic gold rush towns – ye olde blacksmiths and saloon/pan for gold etc. Cheesy but fun and a different side of CA.
Phew, sorry got carried away. Have a wonderful trip –CA really is an amazing place with so much to do! We didn’t get to see half the things we wanted too.