fear of flying while flying with a 1-year old

[erikab922]

I have flown loads of times in my life and on the outside I appear calm and collected but inside I am freaking the shit out. Turbulence is what does it to me. The last several times I've flown I've had my husband with me and he's a great flyer so I just grab his arm until everything has settled down.

I am flying to the States next month with my then-20-month old and my husband can't come with us. I am already nervous thinking about not being 'that parent' with the screaming child, and as the flight gets closer I am developing a serious fear of flying (well it's not flying I'm afraid of, it's dying!). I have the most horrible intrusive thoughts every day. I know how planes work, I know the odds, etc but I'm still really frightened. I can't afford to go on one of those fear of flying courses and really in my head I know what they're going to say (I flew every week for nearly a year about 15 years ago for work).

I took diazepam once on a flight, I only took half the dose as I was afraid of being knocked out and then not being able to evacuate in case something happened (I know, I know...). I am wondering if I should try it again on this flight, but I will be solely in charge of my daughter and I'm not sure which is worse - me with all of my wits about me and freaking out, or me chilled-out but slightly drugged. The flight is 8 hours.

I'm not driving when we get to the States (my sister is picking us up at the airport) so that's not an issue. Just wondering wondering what others would do. Thanks!

Personally I would not take the diazepam. You need to be completly sober if you have to look after a toddler.

I've had a fear of flying my whole adult life. Before DD I would basically have a very good drink to keep me calm.

I flew to Egypt when DD was nine months, so I couldn't get pissed. I found she was a brilliant distraction and I didn't feel anywhere near as bad as I usually would.

don't worry about the screaming child thing, it is part of the game. Anyone sensible will know you are trying to quieten her, anyone who isn't sensible isn't worth worrying about!

you should not have booked this flight with this kind of issue. You have a child and are responsible for her. Also what kind of a holiday are you going to have if you are fretting about the journey home?

you need to find the money for treatment - is there a course you can do at home? Or you need to cancel the trip.

sorry to be so brutal, I know you can't snap out of a real fear but flying is never compulsory. To fly with this much fear is not fair on you, your child, the crew and everyone else on the plane.

a real dilemma. I am terrified of flying so I take large quantities of diazepam and DH looks after the children. my fear is so bad that I couldn't do it without taking the drugs. does this really have to be your first flight without your DH and with your DC? any chance you could do a there and back type flight just to see how you would cope. your dc will pick up on your fear unfortunately and this might make them anxious too. have you got plenty of things lined up for your dc to do? is there no way you could delay this flight. really worried for you OP. being this afraid is a nightmare couldn't imagine doing this myself so you have to find a way forward. anyone that could go with you? anyone you know who is flying on the same flight (ie is it through a company) speak to the airline?

Thanks everyone, it's a trip back home so that my mother can finally meet her first (and only!) grandchild - we live in the UK and my mother is in the States, my mother has something wrong with her lungs and isn't able to fly while she's undergoing treatment so I wanted to make sure to get back home so she can finally meet her granddaughter. I have about 40 family members who haven't met her yet so we've got family coming from all over the country to meet us. We bought DD her own seat so she can be in a car seat on the plane and we just can't afford three tickets to the States (plus my husband works for Royal Mail and they don't let them have time off in December). So we really do have to go and it's going to just be DD and I.

I will just have to suck it up and not take the diazepam, I can do a convincing job of not looking afraid so hopefully trying to keep DD from going berserk on the flight will be distraction enough!

I agree with loveofsocks, I was (and am) a nervous flyer, but with children you are much more concerned about 'how can I keep them entertained for the next 30mins' so that you actually forget to be scared..or at least I do.

I'm a lot calmer flying with DC than I ever was before. You're consumed with different things - logistics of nappy changes, when and how to do food, colouring, reading stories etc so that there really isn't time to think about the plane and the mechanics of flying too much.

I used to always need a drink before getting on a flight, but never have one now I'm travelling with the DC. I do take rescue remedy - I have no idea if it actually works or not, but it makes me feel better so I guess that is working, really! Kalms are also good.