Tell me not to be stupid.....

[CountessDracula]

I am going on holiday tomorrow with dh on our own and leaving dd with her grandparents who adore her and are extremely capable. I have been dreading the separation but today have worked myself up into a frenzy of what ifs to the point where I am thinking of cancelling the holiday!

eg What if they crash the car on the ice - someone has told me it's going to be snowy and minus 15 next week!

What if she gets flu and dies and we aren't there for her?

What if our plane crashes and she is left with no parents

etc etc.

I really am getting in a state. HELP!!!

[StressyHead]

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[CountessDracula]

Yes we're going to Tobago too. I just can't imagine her on such a long flight, she can't sit still for 2 mins.

Oh bugger maybe I'll cancel it.

[SenoraPostrophe]

Aah, Countess, it's easy to get worked up about these things isn't it?

I've been having similar what ifs over the last couple of weeks (though admittedly there wasn't anything I could do about it).

But a week or two with grandparents will be good for your dd and a holiday will be good for you. Maybe you could try coming up with some what ifs that centre on you cancelling the holiday? (you could all skid on the ice, dd could become a spoilt pampered mummy's girl etc). Might that help?

[StressyHead]

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[Issymum]

We left DD behind last February, just after her second birthday. I felt exactly like you, but I went - of course.

No amount of reassuring will help you get over the emotional stuff, but you could try dealing with all the practical points. We left DD with her extremely competent granny and nanny. Before I left I talked to each of them about car safety; road safety; choking; shutting the child gate at night in case she wandered; how to spot meningitis; what to do if you ring 999 and they ask you to wait etc. etc. They thought I was barking mad, but they took it in good part and it made me feel so much better.

On the plane crash. Not much you can do but repeat a thousand times: we're much more likely to get killed driving back from a dinner party. It has the benefit of truth.

If you did need to get back quickly, do you know how you would do it? That helps too!

Is there a way in which you can contact them every day to find out how DD is? Even twice a day? Getting that daily reassuring news made all the difference to me.

Have a lovely, lovely time CD.

[dinosaur]

Go and have a lovely time CD! You have had such a tough time recently, you deserve it.

And if it helps: You are being stupid!

[ghengis]

We're doing the same next Thursday and I'm already worked up about the snow! My Mum won't even need to drive (we live in town) but still I worry. DH is woried that the plane won't be able to take off - how men's thinking differs from ours!

I fondly remember being left with my Gran at various times while my parents had civilized times away from the chilldren. That keeps me sane but remembr, we're mothers: we are programmed to worry!

[Marina]

Ditto what Dinosaur says - think of the warm sun and what good it will do you, CD. You really deserve this holiday. And yes, I'd be in exactly the same pickle as you. Even so, please don't cancel.

[CountessDracula]

OK must stop snivelling and pull self together

It will be fine I'm sure.

[sb34]

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[sunchowder]

CD: Don't know if you are still around, I understand you so well! Of course, I couldn't leave my DD until she was 3, and then I left for business for 3 days and thought I would die. Of course she was fine, I had my DH bring her to the airport to collect me and I will never forget her running up to me...The first time I really left her was last year when we went to England on our own (she was 8 then). She did great by the way and your DD is going to do great also--try to believe that. Don't do what I did! I know it is crazy and lots of money, but I would call every day if you can't get hooked up electronically just to make yourself feel better and check in with your parents and let her hear your voice on the phone. I was such a lunatic on the business trip that I brought her favorite good night book with me, called her from the hotel, had my husband hold the phone, and I read her a goodnight story both of the nights I was gone. THIS IS NOT NORMAL! You need this rest so much, so that you will be energized when you come back. If she could tell you, she would tell you to go and have a beautiful time, she would !

[honeybunny]

Did the very same when about to leave my ds1(15mo at the time) for a week in Grenada. 7mo pg at the time and hormones all over the place. Cried for an hour on leaving him at the grandparents, driving up the M3, not v sensible!
If it helps, we had a fantastic holiday. We emailed a few times, but thought I'd be able to tell if things werent going well if I phoned and perhaps selfishly, didnt want to worry for the rest of the stay. Would highly recommend it. Just wish they'd take two of them for a long w/e... sadly not! So this year its long haul with 2 smalls. Go for it CD you'll have a fab time once you are there.

[CountessDracula]

Thanks all of you ((()))

Feeling a bit happier now. Still dreading leaving tomorrow but I think I'll be ok. Called dh and he said "it's not too late to cancel" (bless him!)

[codswallop]

how long for?

[CountessDracula]

A week (sob!)

[codswallop]

id be the same

[princesspeahead]

DON'T CANCEL!
Left dd (2.5yrs) and ds1 (4.5months!) for a week while we swanned off to the Maldives. Cried from Hammersmith to not quite heathrow, spoke to dd most nights (she really wasn't interested I must say!) and had the most amazing, relaxing, wonderful week. Will be v good for your marriage, it was like turning back the clock to pre-children for a week and remembering all the things we liked each other for... ahhhh. DH is hassling for us to do it again but I'm not sure my mother is willing to have THREE sprogs for us this time...
have a fabulous time and get an all-over tan!

[Tinker]

You will be fine but can completely relate. Have had 3 trips abroad without my daughter and the first was the worst. Didn't actually enjoy myself until I got back! But I went on 2 others so must have got over that feeling

[CountessDracula]

Oh I've done it before - when dd was 4.5 months! Cried all the way to Grenada! Somehow got better when I got off the plane and it was 30 degrees and sunshine BUT it was a diff feeling. It was more like I was suffering because I was parted from something that was so part of me that it was like I was leaving my arms at home.

Now I have a real proper talking walking little person to leave behind I feel much more scared and upset weirdly. Does that make sense?

[CountessDracula]

Anyway, off to bed now, will try and log on in Tobago if I get a mo to see how you all are xxx

Thanks for all your advice, what would I do without mumsnet?!

[jmg]

I understand completely - I would go though - try and conquer the feelings it will be worth it.

I just think it sums up the whole parenthood thing - they completely take you over and turn the most level headed rational people into besotted irrational parents. But do go and do try to enjoy...

[WideWebWitch]

Oh CD, I understand your feelings but echo everyone else, do go, you need it. I'm sure your dd will be fine and will have a lovely week with her grandparents.

[LIZS]

Go, you will really benefit. We left ds at 2.2 with my parents over a long weekend to go to Venice. He was thoroughly indulged with endless Maisy and Thomas videos, and a trip to see Thomas on the steam railway. Not the least bit interested when we phoned.

I also got in a state and wrote him a letter "just in case" which I left in the bureau, but we wouldn't have had the same experience with him in toe.

Have a great time

[chicaguapa]

Leaving your children to go on holiday does get easier.

We left our 1 yo dd to go on our honeymoon to Italy for 1 week. While we were away she got gastroenteritis but no-one told us as they knew we'd want to come home (which was as agreed).

I didn't have a good time, missed her dreadfully and couldn't wait to get back. You can imagine how I felt when I found out she'd been ill!

Now we go away for a couple of weekends a year and I worry that we might not come back and that she'd lose both her parents in an accident. The last time we went away I left a letter in case we didn't come back. It was from me to her telling her how proud we were of her etc. It sounds silly but I felt much happier about going away knowing that I'd left something for her to keep forever. The peace of mind was wonderful.

I don't miss her the same as I did on my honeymoon and it definitely got easier. Of course I'm longing to see her again but I can appreciate the time me and my dh are having together.

To get to that stage you need to go through the earlier ones. Which is the hard bit.