Is it silly to worry about flying with children?

[VickityBoo]

My partner would love for us to save and take dd(3) away somewhere overseas. We used to holiday abroad each year as a childless couple. I didn't fly until I was 18 so don't have early experiences of abroad holidays with family.

The thing is, I never worried about flying. Then 9/11 happened while we were away (in what turned out to be a place rather hostile towards british and american tourists) and due to fly the next day. It really freaked me out and I've never been so scared to get on a plane.

Since then we have been on other holidays but when dd came along that stopped.

I just can't feel happy about putting her in that 'danger' although logically I know that more accidents happen on the road etc. She's everything and I am uncomfortable about it although at the same time I 'know' it's unwarranted. I just can't get past it. If something happened how would our families cope...these thoughts put me off.

Does anyone else feel like this or has anyone overcome this? I'm not at all worried about her playing up on the plane that's not where my concern lies.

Of course it is silly. She is far more vulnerable every time you put her in a car.

But fears are not rational are they?

Fear of flying is not rational but security wise it's probably very safe. You'd be putting her in more danger if you set off in the car and drove to the Continent.

But i know where you're coming from. I'm more anxious about flying now that i have children but i rationalise this with the thought that if something did happen at least we'd all be together!

What Pagwatch said. How many people do you know who have been in a car accident? How many people do you know who have been in a plane accident?

About 2,000 people die on the roads in the UK every year, but I can't remember when there was last a fatal plane crash of a commercial aircraft in this country.

The big difference is that if you are driving a car, you feel like you are in control which makes you feel confident and safer, even if in fact you are very vulnerable to other road users.

In a plane, you know you have no control over what is happening to you, which is a scary feeling, specially once you have children and are used to being constantly aware of the need to keep them safe.

So your fear of going on planes is irrational, but very common. It even crosses my mind sometimes, and I have flown several times a year with my children since they were three or four months old.

Obviously you should only do what you feel comfortable with, and there is no real need to fly anywhere, but if it is restricting you from doing things you would like to do, then it might be worth finding a counsellor to talk it through with, or contacting one of the airlines - a lot of them run very effective fear-of-flying programmes.

Flying is comparatively very safe. That doesn't stop many people having anxiety about it, in your case you're projecting your own anxiety onto your instincts for protecting your child.
A lot of people have irrational fear and anxiety to some extent (I certainly do) - that's not a problem as long as you can acknowledge it, control it and say to yourself, OK I feel this way, but I'm going to screw up my courage and do it anyway. If you keep on doing that with time you will develop more of a sense for 'real risk' and 'imagined risk'. Your anxiety will however become a problem if it prevents your entire family from flying anywhere. That would be a pity to let your life be controlled by irrational fear.

By the way, I think a lot of people were traumatised by 9/11. I developed a fear afterwards of being in high rises - a sort of vertigo, a fear of being trapped and having to jump to certain death. I dealt with it by getting into rock climbing as a hobby, where I was forced to climb high, but protected by a rope. It helped with my fear no end (although I occasionally would like to be roped up when going into a high building!)

Agree with everything posted above.

I got really worked up about flying for a few years just pre- and post-9/11. In the end I worked my way through this (free) online fear of flying course and it pretty much got rid of the phobia completely (went from literally hyperventilating on a short-haul flight to being able to fly twelve-plus hours to southern Africa and then take several 6-seater charter flights while there).

The site material is aimed at the US and is a bit cheesy in parts, but the information is very sound and the course really works, if you read through each lesson. (You don't have to give any personal details to enroll, by the way.) It's written by a former airline pilot.

Every now and then I read through the site again just to keep my mind at rest as these sorts of fears do tend to re-emerge even when you think they are conquered. I rarely bat an eyelid when I have to fly nowadays.