Ever been caught out by your holiday destination being more 'up market' or 'down scale' than you were expecting??

[ProperLush]

I've often wondered how you can read between the lines in the brochures and in reviews to find out whether a particular holiday place or hotel etc will 'suit' you? I mean, yes, there are the euphemisms, like 'lively', or the price might be a guide, but otherwise, how is one to know?

We got caught out on Jersey a year ago- nice campsite, 3 fields of DIY camping and one of pre-setup tents in rows. The difference in clientele was stunning. The fields contained largely European families straight out of Boden catalogues, quiet, considerate, sitting outside their tents of an evening drinking wine and reading as their DC flew kites...Whereas the pre-setups was like a cast holiday from Shameless. Guess which one we inadvertently booked?! Sobbing exhausted toddlers being dragged off to 'the entertainment' at 9.30pm (til 12, every night when they all staggered back, hooting and shouting) and us getting cat's bum mouths when we are leaving our accommodation at 9am the following morning as they're all sleeping off their 7th massive hangover of the week. Fat 9 year olds dressed like street walkers. Being asked in slightly threatening tones to 'keep it down' at 3 pm as their DCs desperately tried to catch up on sleep on mattresses strewn around outside their tents, like a refugee camp. Wall to wall exposed beer guts, Fosters, bad tatts and certainly shower-room discussions of vajazzles if no physical evidence! Children's playground turning into a rutting ground for oafish 13 year olds at midnight. And it wasn't cheap at all! We figured they were possibly people who've gone to Torremolinos in previous years but found it too expensive that year.

Sorry, I am aware I am coming across as a complete snob- maybe I am! But I have had too many holidays 'compromised' by ignorant, drunken, inappropriately loud, boorish English yob-families!

But short of a star rating (a line of Fosters cans?) how do you know?

Incidentally, if the sort of holiday I've described is right up your street, that's obviously absolutely fine. I've seen 'you' being asked to leave campsites when your behaviour is at complete odds to 'the policy' be it noise, pets, revving car engines, screaming adolescents at 2am. You'd probably appreciate some sort of 'code', too so you'd know what you were signing up for!

Farkin' 'ell, that sounds awful

And completely at odds to the way round I thought it would be - I would have assumed that the 'fields' would be full of scruffies using ancient tents and being noisy and the 'poshos' would be in the pre-set ups with Tarkers and Annabell.

I keep renting cottages as it's often cheaper - had a 3 bed in lovely Cornish village for £800 last year - the year before we were in a caravan and it was 700 for a 2 bed (lower quality but still ok campsite)

Yes, frankly I was stunned as well! We had no idea that that was what we'd find! And it wasn't 'the odd family', it was maybe 85% of them! I wonder if a Solihull travel agent had a 'special' on? Cos that's where most hailed from as evidenced by the garage stickers in the back windows of their cars.

As much as anything I couldn't believe that some people would tolerate being literally 25m from the bar, in a tent, with karaoke, or a live band, or a disco every night til midnight! Luckily our tent was almost as far away from the bar area as was possible (and I have to say, excellent quality tent + equipment, clean, well tended site etc) but the noise and the constant procession of drunks staggering home at 12.30 or 1am every day wore us down.

I know I'm not alone as I recall a MNetter posting a 'Can you believe these rules, lol?' message last year where she posted the draconian sounding rules of a campsite in Mawgan Porth, evidently designed to deter gangs of drunken schoolie teenager/surfy types that the area can attract- and then dozens of MNetters responded with 'Where do I book?'!

I have rented UK cottages recently, too, but I do want some sun and preferably a small pool, a combo that can be hard to find without having 'half of Solihull' leaning and baying out of the hotel windows all around me (sorry, good citizens of Solihull- I am being tongue-in-cheek, I know such 'types' can be found in most towns the length and breadth of England!)

I went on a Disney cruise last year and was expecting it to be quite 'tacky' but a lot of fun. It was certainly fun but the ship was mega classy with just discreet nods to Disney in the decor. So that was a pleasant surprise. Also there was an absolutely beautiful adults only pool that could have been at a top boutique hotel. Lovely wooden loungers and thick cushions with an unlimited fress towel supply, staff walking around handing out cooling face cloths plus it was really peaceful and completely unexpected.

This thread had me lolling as Solihull is considered v. posh, though the rather rougher area of Chelmsley Wood tries to sneak in on the act. I would guess that you were surrounded by Chelmsleywoodites, rather than Solihullians who are all card-carrying John Lewis fans.

I'm really not sure how you can find out what the clientele anywhere will be like, other than a bit of common sense and guess work. We are going to a holiday village which is referred to as 'lively' in the brochure, and I suspect a large number of families will be as you have described. However, we are very good at being deaf and ignoring any cats bum faces.

So I would avoid anywhere with 'lively' or 'family' in the blurb, anywhere that had a children's club with 'mascots', and read as many reviews as possible. I know Trip Advisor has a bad name these days but it can give a general idea of what places are like if you average out the reviews.

I was born in Solihull and I'm well posh.

Anywhere that advertises itself as providing 'entertainment' is a massive red flag for me.

I think I've only got it wrong once, and that time I was the annoying riff-raff. It was a 4-star hotel in a quaint village near Oxford that DP and I had booked for a dirty weekend week, pre-DCs. It was filthy cheap and we didn't expect much. But it was surprisingly posh with all these upper class retired couples discussing hunting and their country estates. We would turn up for breakfast in walking boots and hoodies only to get cats-bummed at by a load of fancied-up sixty-somethings. It also wasn't the kind of breakfast buffet where you could politely go up for seconds either. But we did anyway.

Sort of but not quite. Booked a caravan holiday in North Cornwall. The review of the caravan park online said "working-class campsite at it's best, no southern snobs looking down their noses at you when you are havin a laff".

I booked it anyway because it was cheap and in the right location. We don't do "entertainment" so won't be looking down our noses at anyone. Dh read the review and was not a happy bunny.

On the first day we were in the childrens playpark and there were all these little 5 year olds running around swearing and singing offensive rhymes. 4 year old ds asked "what does fookin mean"? "what is the Taliban?"

Anyway they all must have gone home the next day because after that everyone was lovely and ds managed to persuade dh to do the entertainment on the last night. Although that wasn't such a good idea when a boy of about 7 stood up on stage at the talent contest and told a joke about a gay dinosaur taking it up behind!

Generally we book for the location and don't really take much notice of the other guests.

I was rather surprised at the number of Solihull stickered cars as I too always assumed it was the posher bit of Brum! Must've been those skanky Chelmsley Woodites sneaking in under the radar!

I am a veteran of £9 Sun holiday deals, but the thing is a) You know what you're signing up for, b) it's 3 nights, c) we always got a caravan upgrade, d) it is a caravan thus with slightly better noise control than cheek by jowl tents and e) we'd go 'off season' thus would end up with most of the Selsey caravan park (and great pool!) to ourselves, for instance. We did go to 'the entertainment' one night per holiday which was always 'entertaining' but for the wrong reasons. Ref: gay dinosaur jokes and small girls gyrating like something out of 'Gypsy Wedding'.

I'd generally have not much to do with other guests but I think that in a crowded, August resort, 'critical mass' would take precedence thus you couldn't really avoid the karaoke as it blared up from the pumping bar, could you? Or if you found your sun loungers sandwiched between those of 2 large, lardy, loud and boozed up families who became great mates in the bar last night, bonding over a crate of Fosters and are keen to extend their friendship. Or if your tent-bound neighbours were arguing about where their farkin' toofbrush was at 1am...

So yes, I guess I am the snobby southerner making cat's bum faces whilst 'others' 'av a larf...! (Love the 'working class' campsite! Did it really say that?! I like that honesty, really I do).