How old should kids be before they can stay in their own hotel room?

[elliott]

Probably totally the wrong time to start this thread, but I have been wondering for a while just how long I am going to have to search the internet for the hotels with interconnecting rooms. How old do you think kids need to be before they can manage in a room of their own? And would it make a difference if it was at a small B&B rather than a big foreign hotel?
I can't wait for the day when we can just book any old place to stay and not have to worry about the sleeping arrangements....

Hi,I always have exactly the same problem. It really limits you to what you can book when you have to think about sleeping arrangements. I personally could never share a family room with my kids, we like our own space. My kids are 11 and 12 now but i still don't know if I would leave them in their own room, the main reason being that they fight so much. My friend works in Thomas Cooks and she said her friend had just been to Cuba and her children the same age as mine had a room next to hers not interconnecting, and thats what they all do out there. I don't know if there is a legal age or not though.

I always tend to rent a flat or house, wherever we go. That way, we have more room, more privacy, and space to cook, or at least have breakfast.

I'm not sure at what age you could give your kids their own room. Depends on the kids, I guess. A room next to your room could be fine, earlier than a room further away.

And yeah, I'd say a B+B was better, as the hosts would know who you were, who were your kids. And would let you know if there was strange noise, and would probably say something if your kids tried to leave in the middle of the night!

Difficult one. My elsest is nrealy 9 and we haven't got to the point where I think she is safe in a 'non connected' room.

Also agree that we tend to go self catering to have more room, nice to have a lounge where you can have a glass of wine in the evening when the kids have gone to bed , IYSWIM

But s/c doesn't feel as much like a holiday to me - all that shopping for food and cooking - have only really started to enjoy holidays with the kids since I stopped cooking on holiday! Obviously pros and cons with each option (and we will do s/c for some holidays) but I would so love to just swan off to France and stay in a nice family hotel....or even do an organised cycling or walking holiday, which also seems impossible if you are not prepared to share a room with your children.
I am interested because the few people I've discussed this with have all mentioned ages which seems depressingly far off to me....

And I am assuming it would be a room next to the parents. Do you really think kids need to be 10 or more before they would be ok in a small hotel or B&B in the room next to yours?

Okay, crap mum alert, but I've left mine in non-connecting hotel rooms (just across the corridor from ours, though). Have also gone downstairs to eat dinner in the hotel leaving children asleep upstairs. Mine are 10, 6 and 2, and would say I've done this from when the oldest was 8. She is very responsible, though, and good at being in charge of the others. She also knew where we were at all times, and could have come to get us in case of problems. The baby was in a cot, so couldn't climb out.

Would go up and check on them every so often, but really, what is going to happen? Some hotels use the telephone system as a listening device, but tend to be the ones that are very geared up for children, like Fowey Hall, and also good at interconnecting rooms. Baby monitors tend not to work in big concrete buildings, IME.

They have been in a different room in a small b and B. In hotels, so far, we have always had interconnecting rooms.

But most holidays now are in a tent anyway!

OK, that's looking a bit more hopeful...
I was kind of thinking that by 8 and 6 (depending on how they are of course!) we might manage it - I'm assuming that this would be a small informal place where they could find us easily if necessary, not a vast multistory job.....
But a friend rather dismayed me when she said she didn't think her kids (10 and 8) were ready to be in a room on their own.
I believe in planning ahead of course - ds's are actually only 4 and 2

Depends on the child, really. There are some 12yo who I wouldn't leave in charge of a mushroom, and plenty of 8yo who are eminently sensible.

I cannot see any reason why a trustworthy 8yo can't be in a hotel room alone if she's happy with that and knows where to find parents if she needs them. I'm assuming we're not talking about the kind of child who would set fire to the curtains or flood the loo to while away the time, and that the hotel isn't some 800-room colossus and that you're not getting insensibly drunk in some remote bar.

From experience the most likely problems are: they'll hear some unfamiliar noise and be freaked out by it; they won't be able to flush the loo; they can't find a light switch; the phone will accidentally ring in the room and freak them; one of them will (accidentally or deliberately) press an emergency alarm button. As long as you run through all of the above, sort out whether you're going to leave the door locked or unlocked and what they should do if they need you, you should be fine.

But my friend's children ARE sensible! But probably rather less independent than mine.
I have to say I have already left them in a hotel room while we went to dinner (with a monitor) and explained to ds1 what we were doing (in case he woke up and found us gone). So I am optimistic that unless he undergoes a huge personality transformation that in four years' time he will probably be ok.

I have booked quite a few holidays where I have got an apartment and gone all inclusive at the same time. They are few and far between but I have always managed to get one. We have got one in Portugal for next summer, one bedroomed apartment 4 star kids clubs and a huge pool so hopefully cant go wrong.

Hi elliot, sc doesnt mean that you have to shop and cook. it means that you can sample different local restaraunts every night. i go sc every year and the most i have 'cooked' is cereal and toast of a morning and perhaps a cup a soup or pot noodle with crusty bread when the kids are too hungry to wait to eat.

i am a child protection social worker and this issue is a bit like 'how old can a child legally baby sit' one. There isnt a legal age, but what i always advise when asked is that, if soemthing happens when childen are left on their own, the parents can be prosecuted for neglect. That is obviously very rare, but ultimately only you know what you are comfortable doing and what your own children are like.

i personally (and it is only a personal opinion, not a critisism of anyone elses choice)wouldnt leave children younger than 11yrs in a non interconnecting room, and i wouldnt go and have a meal leaving a child in the room until they were 13ish, 15 if they were in charge of siblings. Perhaps im over cautious given the job i do, put children do get injured (fall out of cots,out of beds, over balconys, fingers trapped in patio doors), abused and abducted in the world we live in and this is always harder to deal with in a foreign country.

But dizzy, by 11 most children, certainly in London, are travelling to secondary school by themselves, often quite long distances on public transport. Which is likely to be more dangerous, a quiet night in a hotel room or crossing a busy road to get to the bus stop? You seriously wouldn't leave a 12 yo alone in a hotel room while you were downstairs having dinner?

Hi frogs, no i wouldnt, but as i said this is personal choice. when they walk to school, they know the areas and the dangers, in a foreign country they dont.
But i do think 8 or 9 is to young to leave in a room with younger siblings and to expect them to be able to have clear and consise enough thought patterns in an emergency to come and get you. Childrens brains dont work like that. What if the babe started choking or vommited, does the eldest (sorry cant remember if you said 8 or 9)come to get you first, or do they try to sort the little one out. Its just not a responsibility i would put on primary school children. plus do they not want to eat as well? Do you lock the room door or leave it open?

I have twin 11yrs olds that wouldnt take kindly to being left in the room while we socialised, its their holiday as well. Its the same reason that i have never used creches on holiday, i dont want someone i dont know minding my children. when they were old enough they went to a kids club once, but preffered playing on the beach or by the pool to organised games.It is quite an unusual situation for me to consider really cos its not something we do. We usually go in apartments or villas and the kids join in with adults.

this sounds like my kids dont have independance, but they do, just in measured portions.

I do sc, but I eat out loads! I do find sc is cheaper than hotels, if you want a decent amount of space. It also means you can all go out for dinner, as a family, and then put the kids to bed, and not be stuck ... well, I don't really know what you do after the kids go down, if you've rented one hotel room for the whole family.

Hi not quite cockney,
i agree with you. i would hate to be stuck in a hotel room, and eating out with the kids is a huge part of my holiday, i have four children and its so lovely to see them in social situations like that. we also go back to the apartment or villa, and then the children can relax and fall asleep if they want, and me, hubby and 15yr old can sit on the balcony(in an apartment) or on the terrace in a villa.

Okay, foreign country is different matter. I've only done it here or in Germany or Poland which don't really count as foreign for us.

But I still don't get the 'can't leave children alone in a room' thing. Dd1 and ds are currently on the loose somewhere in the house, probably in dd1's bedroom two floors up. I'm cooking supper with the extractor and the radio on, so theoretically they could be doing all sorts of lethal things without me knowing it: dd1 could be in my study impaling her fingers on my sewing machine, ds could have sneaked down to the cellar for all I know, and have managed to start the motor on my dad's old chainsaw. The baby is tucked up alone in her cot, but could have sicked up her supper and choked.

I really don't see how that is more dangerous than leaving two children, bathed fed and teeth brushed, tucked up with their story books in a hotel room for an hour and a half while we eat downstairs, assuming they know where we are and how to reach us. I think this fear of leaving children is an Anglo/american thing -- maybe I don't understand it because I grew up in Germany, where it's considered perfectly reasonable for 5-year olds to walk to and from Kindergarten by themselves, or to leave a baby asleep in its cot while you go 5 mins down the road to buy some milk.

But surely in the end the children who will be really at risk as teenagers are the ones who have never been allowed to take even the smallest risk by themselves? Dd1 knows that her considerable privileges and freedom come from the fact that I trust her to use them sensibly; if I caught her doing something that was clearly daft, I would reconsider, and she knows that.

frogs, I totally see your point.

As a child, I was given very little freedom, my parents made very clear they did not trust me. Oddly enough, whenever I got the chance I lied to them and did things they weren't happy about.

I hope to be more relaxed about my kids with freedom.

That being said, I hate staying in hotels, and my kids are 4 and 1, so a room on their own in a hotel is a very distant possibility. I have had DS1 in his own room in a B+B, when he was 2. But he was in a cot, and all the guests in the B+B were friends of ours. Which was run by family friends of my in-laws. So not a normal situation!

Hi frogs,
like i said, it was only a personal opinion, not an attack. Each person parents in their own style and it is interesting to read other peoples opinions. perhaps your right, it may be an anglo/american thing, i didnt actually know that you were not in england....leaving a baby asleep in a cot while you nip out....it must be so nice to be so relaxed and not have to worry. I have always admired the way that people on the continent accept and cater for childen more than the english do, thats why i like things like eating out when we are away. i know that i am over cautious with my kids, but they do get a lot of freedom, my 15yr old for example is at a party tonight and will come in later, but my 11yrs olds are only just starting to walk into town and go swimming etc.

In our case, this thread should read "How old do you think your children will be before you can afford to take them to a hotel?"

lol nighty night