do I allow my ex to take our 3.5yr old away for 2 weeks?

[Lovingmumandsingle]

I split up with my partner about 18 months ago when our son was 2. My family all live abroad and since he was born I have regularly taken him to visit family abroad for about 2 weeks at a time alone . My ex partner never thought this was an issue, and he would go skiing for a week without a thought as to whether we'd miss him.
Last year as a result of me asking whether it would be OK to take my son to the Bahamas his father said it would be OK but he wanted to take him cycling to Cuba for 2 weeks - I suggested a shorter holiday and not 6 hrs a day of cycling in Cuba (my son was 2 years old) He has accused me since then of obstructing his 'right' to holiday time equivalent to mine.
This year I have checked if he's OK with me taking my son to the Bahamas again to stay with family for 2 weeks and he said it was fine as long as he gets exactly the same time away on a holiday. I suggested that since my son has not yet been separated from me for more than 6 days, it might be a better idea to take hime away for perhaps 10 days this year and not 2 weeks. He hasn't even told me where they plan to go and this also concerns me.
I just don't feel that my son is old enough to be away from home and his mother in a strange environment for such a long time (even if he's with his dad) and I want his holiday with his father to be enjoyable for him and not full of anxiety.
My ex thinks I am being totally unreasonable and I'm not sure whether I am being over protective or not? Any suggestions?

I think you need to think about allowing your ex to take his son on holiday.

Maybe start with a few days break to see how it goes, though. Is your son particularly clingy?

Apart from holidays, how often does your ex see his son? How often does he have him overnight? Have you specific worries about your ex's abilities to care for his son?

usually custody is arranged so that the child can spend a two week period with the other parent, so i'd say two weeks was fine tbh.

i assume he sees him on weekends and stuff for the rest of the year?

you do need to make sure you are putting a wholly positive spin on it for ds though - 'how fantastic! you get to spend two weeks with daddy! that will be SO MUCH FUN!'

because any 'oh, darling, i do hope you'll be ok for such a long time without mummy ' would be really really unfair, and not do your son any favours with either realtionship in the long term.

but i would want to know where they are going etc etc. that's just common courtesy.

I think you need to do whatever it takes to get over the animosity (and I realise it's coming from him, not you) - email or ring or something and say you want to talk sensibly about the holiday and remind him (a lot) that you both have your DS's best interest at heart. The more communication, the more you'll know re what's going on and the more you'll feel in control of things.

Assuming he's a competent father, I think you might have to budge on the 2 weeks thing. 2 weeks is, on the face of it, reasonable - and it will give them quality time together which is important for your DS. It will be much harder for you than for him.