Year 1 weight gain and rubbish diet

[NChangeorama]

Hi all: YP home from Y1. Has gained weight quite significantly at uni. Have just bought new jeans without comment. He was underweight before and is now slightly overweight which actually is no bad thing. He is eating more generally including at meals. BUT is also (now he is home and I can see) massively over consuming crisps and chocolate (he is buying) and bacon. I am keeping my mouth shut but it really worries me from a health perspective. He is ASD. WWYD? Say something? Say nothing? His dad also overconsumes those things and that worries me too but I’ve given up there. Dad does loads and loads of exercise and is not overweight. (I am slightly.)

I know YP is an adult and my instinct is to say nothing but I’m finding it hard. Wise thoughts?

I'd say nothing. Your h does the same thing and you are also overweight so why would you single your son out as having a problem. I am sure he knows he has put weight on and if he was underweight before he might just like the feeling of having filled out a bit and he may just settle at a healthy weight eventually.

I know. I don’t know why I’m struggling so much with it. It’s less about the weight tbh and more about the sheer quantity of crisps and chocolate tbh. But you are so right: I can imagine how I would have felt if my mum ever said anything to me no matter how well intentioned. It feels like watching self destructive behaviour and sitting on my hands (I know I need to).

I think it matters because it could predispose him to heart problems. If you make healthy food available that may help, but I am sure you're already doing that.

You could comment on what he’s eating without mentioning his weight, but really if his dad is eating this stuff it’s not fair to not address him too. Being slim with a crap diet isn’t healthy either.

Part of being an adult is learning to self-regulate when you fly the nest and start living independently. If he's intelligent enough to go to uni he's presumably intelligent enough to know his diet isn't great, he'll work out a better balance on his own.

Thanks for thoughts, all. It helps me process. I have concluded that all I can really do is model, but also make my though processes more visible: wow, I'm hungry right now but actually I am properly hungry so rather than snack I might make myself a proper meal / I know dinner is soon I guess a banana and a handful of nuts is a sensible option (etc). We have a family history of heart disease and I have chosen to manage high cholesterol through lifestyle (it's working) so I am hyper sensitive to the choices he is currently making. When I was his age, though, I remember inhaling whole packets of biscuits so I need to hold my nerve and as @AmberSpy says hold faith that he will self-regulate eventually. I guess it's the ASD part that gives me doubt that he will (or soon, anyway) -- he is definitely intelligent enough but that doesn't always = ability to self-regulate. In any event, he needs to work this out for himself and I need to bite my tongue.

Appreciate the input. :)

Just one question - would you bite your tongue if this was about drug use or overconsumption of alcohol?

Because binge eating is just as dangerous and sugar is more addictive than heroin (apparently).

They may be of legal age and gone off to university but you don't stop being their parents overnight, or ever in fact.

I’d say something. He’s eating shit including carcinogens. Advise he reflect on what’s good for his brain going into second year

@NChangeorama why can you not say something? No wonder we have an obesity crisis if we pussyfoot around like this. He’s obviously not truly capable of looking after himself so it surprises me you don’t say something and guide him. You actually sound a bit scared of him.

Why are we not allowed to say anything? I would
if he was my child. Not about his weight directly or making it about appearances but about eating a very unhealthy diet and the consequences of that. If it gets ingrained and he puts on more weight it will get harder and harder to change and it will affect his health very badly. I would be saying something.