Can Erasmus help socially if university friendships have become difficult?

[ThatWaryBird]

I’m not a parent, just a student (sorry if this doesn’t belong here). I feel very depressed..

In my first year of university, I made a small group of friends, but over time two of those friendships kind of fell apart. Around the same time, I also ended up venting a lot to two friends about everything that was going on. I didn’t really realise it then, but I think everything just became a bit emotionally heavy, and they slowly started spending more time with other people. We still talk now, but there’s definitely some distance there.

Right now, I don’t really have any long-term close friends, which has been quite hard. I’m halfway through my second year and uni feels increasingly stressful, not just academically but socially too. Most people already seem settled into their groups, and it feels difficult to start over at this stage. I’ve started feeling quite anxious about it, and because of that I’ve been avoiding uni more and more and isolating myself, which has made everything feel worse.

I signed up for Erasmus+ partly because I feel like I need a reset from the stress and pressure I’m feeling at my home university, and also to meet new people in a different environment. I’m hoping it helps me get out of my head a bit, but I’m wondering: do exchange programmes actually help socially when you come back to your home uni, or is it more of a temporary reset? Has anyone been through something similar? I'll be in another country for 5 months. Thanks in advance😊

Hi, I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I'm a uni lecturer and it's quite common for students to feel overwhelmed or stressed at times.

For all sorts of reasons. Erasmus could be a great idea and will give you a break from one another. It also avoids problems about where to live & who to live with at your home uni. I'd say launch yourself into it and have fun! It will be a really short time period so make the most of it.

In terms of how things are at your home uni, keep turning up to lectures, don't skive just to mope about and be on your own. The way your brain knows what sort of person you are and what sort of stuff you do, is by noticing what you do and collecting that evidence. Be someone who goes to lectures and who is confident and friendly. There will be counseling available at your uni if you need it, but I'd say nip this behavior in the bud now.

Courage!

Sounds like Erasmus is a great idea to give you a bit of a reset

Universities have well being teams. It would be worth you reaching out to them and just saying how you feel. Erasmus is a good opportunity but I’m not sure it’s going to sort this issue out but it will provide a break for you.

Also, just to add, even making great friends abroad can add so much to your life here back at home once you return. And remember uni doesn’t last forever, you’ll be done before you know it

I believe that people continue to shift in friendships constantly and that it is always possible to make new connections.

Do you play sport, take part in any hobbies, interests, activities, volunteer, have a part time job? All of these can be places where you build your networks.

Do reach out to your university wellbeing support networks and see what is available. Some of the activities organised by the neurodiverse groups might be of intereat and are often open to those who do not have diagnoses or do not identify as neurodiverse.

5 months away, might help you to develop some ways of making new connections which you can use when you return.

I think university friendships shift and change more than the stereotypical idea that you meet your friends for life in your halls in the first week of university but for some, we have to learn and practice these connection building skills. It might be that you find some study buddies on your course and make other connections through different activities. You may also find it helpful to have some guidance and support to do this. If this is not easy to access at your university, maybe some on line counselling might be helpful.

Hi, OP -

Another academic here. I am very glad you’re doing Erasmus. I was the academic advisor for my School’s worldwide (non EU) exchange for a while and I saw first hand how great it could be.

What’s happened to you isn’t unusual. You can test the waters of your friendships, if you like, by staying in touch while you’re away and showing an interest in your friends. Your choice. Regardless, your time away is perfect for thinking about what new hobbies, clubs, societies, volunteer activities etc you might lime to try when you return. I think it is easier to focus initially on having fun or doing good together with like minded people rather than seeking relationships directly.

I hope you have a wonderful time in Europe.

In terms of asking - do they help when you get back? No - most other students you knew have left. My dd did MFLs and you need friends who are doing 4 year degrees or MFLs to live with in y4. Or, it’s stressful. How will you keep in touch with suitable students? You need to think about it or there’s no housemates in y4. Lecturers don’t know about this as they don’t face it.

Abroad - you might make friends, or not. DD did in Switzerland but not in Italy. Just depends who you meet! However the reset you talk about is not guaranteed at your home university. You will need to work out who your new group will be unless you are ok on your own.

My DD at Lancaster was told that 4th year students returning from their year abroad had priority for uni accommodation because the uni was well aware that organising private housing would be difficult.

@Sweetpeasaremadeforbees Lancaster must have a lot of spare accommodation then. My DD would never ever have gone back into halls. Most unis are full with freshers. I’m amazed Lancaster isn’t. How can they offer this to hundreds of 4th year returners?