How can I help my son? Uni options

[PrincessOfPreschool]

DS is in Y12. His school want them to fill in UCAS and finish it by mid June. He is totally stuck on what to do for a uni course. He's had a hard year, starting a new school, left all his friends who he misses dreadfully, getting used to commuting (after a short walk his entire school life), and a close friend - almost a girlfriend - in a mental health crisis (in mental health unit since Jan, still there). He seems quite down, tired and overwhelmed the past month when he's usually such an energetic, happy, confident person.

Academically he's doing really well. He'll be predicted 3 A* (Maths, Chemistry, Spanish) by school for Uni. He could get that in real life if he works (he didn't work that hard for his summer mocks due to feeling the way I've mentioned above).

I'm worried about him.

He's changed tack from doing Languages and Linguistics to maybe Chemistry, but basically doesn't know what he wants to do, doesn't really want to study further, no ideas about jobs or apprenticeships. He just seems drained and avoidant of future for conversations/ research. He's done minimal super curricular and these are all language based. His passion is learning languages but not the literature etc.

I feel little he's getting all this pressure from school but I know it's with good reason in terms of him being quite gifted and with potential to do really well. But he's still so young.

I'm just not sure how best to support him.

• do I intervene and ask school to back off?
• do I leave him to go at his own pace and maybe end up with nothing post Y13?
• do I look up courses etc for him and support with application?

What would you wise Mumsnetters advise?

Most universities have open days in June / July. Can you sit down with him and book on to a few (say three or four)? It doesn't matter if he ends up wanting to take a gap year or changing his mind about courses or where to go, it's just to start having some initial ideas. You can sign up for several sessions at the open days and they're also quite fun to attend. They do tend to get booked up though, so it's worth looking into it now.

My dc filled in a form and it gave them a list of possible subjects they could study. Can’t remember its name (frog?). Does your school have access to this, or is there an online version?

i think you need to sit down with him and discuss options. Maybe complete his ucas form, but start looking around for opportunities abroad in Spain or South America, so he can use his Spanish for a gap year.

Random websites I”ve found about gap years.

https://www.gooverseas.com/gap-year/spain

https://www.ef.co.uk/pg/gap-year-abroad/spain/

https://tefl-iberia.com/gap-year-program/

https://www.gapyearassociation.org/program-providers/spanish-gap-year/

Definitely don’t research for him. Tell school ti back off and suggest he doesn’t go straight to uni. Seems so stupid to apply for something hes not sure about.

Chemistry with Spanish uni courses

https://www.birmingham.ac.uk/study/undergraduate/subjects/chemistry-courses/chemistry-modern-language-bsc

https://www.bath.ac.uk/courses/undergraduate-2026/chemistry/bsc-chemistry-with-professional-placement-or-study-abroad/

https://courses.leeds.ac.uk/i114/chemistry-with-study-abroad-mchem-bsc

( only had a quick look, there maybe more)

Can I add, for dc to do his form, not you, but you support him if he needs help. I know it reads as if you should fill in his form.

https://www.britishcouncil.org/study-work-abroad/outside-uk/english-language-assistants

My friend did a tefl and just started tutoring in their spare time online and then moved to Spain.
Foreign languages at uni is a good one

But if he's unsure I would just get him to write one for the sake of writing one and discuss a gap year.. or applying and doing deferred entry.. with all the talk over how high student debt is and how unfair the debt is paid back I would make sure what he wants to do is 100% his idea and he is ready.

Research interesting courses or apprenticeships
Maybe he could do one of those job matching test to get ideas

However if he avoids it and sticks his head in the sand he is liable to be depressed watching all his mates jet off to different unis whilst he's at home jobless

These are worth investigating and there will surely be more. Also the Spanish gap years @Steelworks mentioned above. I’m sure having a language is a great thing for one’s CV, and one’s brain.

I have wondered about the outcomes of doing a STEM degree with a ML. You lose some technical depth but, of course, gain other skills. How does that play out in terms of employability?

MFL is a fine degree in its own right!

DS might wish to join the online forum The Student Room. There, he can direct whatever questions he likes to students in particular degree programmes. Answers are usually thoughtful. It might spark his interest.

Indeed. Thank you.

Indeed. Thank you.

He's changed tack from doing Languages and Linguistics to maybe Chemistry, but basically doesn't know what he wants to do, doesn't really want to study further, no ideas about jobs or apprenticeships. He just seems drained and avoidant of future for conversations/ research. He's done minimal super curricular and these are all language based. His passion is learning languages but not the literature etc.

Gap year. A mix of work and travel. He sounds in no place to go to university - the profile you give has the potential to be a bit of a disaster - or under-performance - waiting to happen.

University is too much like hard work to be half-hearted about it. Young people today are examined and trained within an inch of their lives - I see them in 1st year university struggling just to unfurl and breathe - and they're the ones wjo want to be in my course doing the subject I teach ! The half-hearted or the uncertain or the simply exhausted kids realy struggle.

Can he reconnect with friends from the place where you used to live? Maybe go travelling with them?

For example, Australia offers an under-30 work/travel visa for a year. It's a safe and friendly country - although not cheap in the major cities.

If I ruled the world ... I'd make a year of civic service compulsory for all young people between finishing school and going to university. Get out in the world, see a bit of the world, work with all manner of people, learn about themselves.

So do what you can to take the pressure off your DS - but you could test the waters by going to a few Open Days. The "season" is starting (looks at diary, sees the next few Saturdays swallowed up by Open Day duties). Just let him have a look around a few places, talk to current students and staff about areas that interest him.

But - gap year!!!

My ds is just coming to the end of a gap year and will go to uni in September. His cousin did the same. At this point 2 years ago he had no idea what he wanted to do. He visited ten different universities (most with me but some with college and some on his own) and attended talks on at least five different subjects.
He put two different subjects on his UCAS form and his PS managed to hedge his bets! He still got 5 offers and narrowed it down to two (one of each subject) and accepted his first place but deferred. I said he could change his mind if he wanted to over the course of the year but he'd have to do all the legwork.
He's definitely matured a lot over the past year and is much more ready for uni.

I definitely agree with the idea of a gap year if your ds doesn't know what he wants to study but I'm confused about him wanting to do linguistics with Chemistry and Maths a levels. It doesn't sound like any of his a levels are essay based ones whilst linguistics definitely is (my dd is doing linguistics + mfl at uni).
I think doing a chemistry + mfl sounds a far better fit.

But yes, definitely a gap year.

DD was a total directionless arsepain at that stage. I took her to a local uni open day and narrowed her down to a few subjects, then we spoke to the staff about the courses on offer. This actually really helped focus her on a direction and it wasn't one we expected. Even if it's not a uni he's considering it can help to look at the courses available to get some focus.

Yes, the essays is what's put him off. However, MFL even joint honours will have lots of essays. I think he could do well in the more computationsl/ maths elements of linguistics. He loves language, the way it works, learning new languages from scratch, accents, slang etc. I just think he may find chemistry a bit singular and boring. He's not once looked into anything chemistry based in his spare time, yet he's constantly chatting to Spanish people, watching Spanish Tik Tok etc. just for fun, not as 'extra' curricular activity'. And now has started Italian too with no formal teaching, just teaching himself (and learning very quickly). He's not bad at essays, got a 9 in Eng lang, 8 in Eng Lit, 9 in Geography but he doesn't have a lot of experience and thinks he can't do it/ won't enjoy it hence dumping the linguistics.

You shouldn’t need a gap year. Dd was encouraged to do hers over the summer holidays. She wasn’t looking at oxbridge so dragged it out to October half term but got it in fine. She goes to uni in September but was very overwhelmed by it all summer of year 12. They grow up so so much in year 13. School need to calm it a bit imo. Some bullet point ideas re what to include in the personal statement is worth doing as a starter for ten.

Maybe get him to look at a degree in Computational Linguistics, or Corpus Linguistics, or Forensic Linguistics - these use a lot of algorithms and so on, rather than the more sociological approach of Sociolinguistics.

I'd start with the University of Birmingham - one of the top 20 in the world in Corpus Linguistics.

Honestly, if he’s not certain it’s much better to take a year out and have a think about it rather than make a rogue application and end up leaving in the first term.

Does he have a part time job? My DS did drop out in the first term due to making the wrong choice. He then joined some temping agencies, worked for a few months (in all manner of jobs, which did him the world of good experience wise) then went off to Asia for an extended holiday with a friend.

He applied for a different uni/course for the following sept and went away a lot more mature/ready for it.

What made him choose Chemistry and Maths a levels? Do you think he regrets starting those subjects?

No. He really likes Chem and Maths, no regrets, but the enjoyment/ passion seems to come in languages. He started Geog A level and hated it. He hates the lit and film elements of Spanish A level.

I accept that I may be speaking from ignorance, OP, but does this not sound like the technical side of linguistics? Or Spanish language minus lit, which may be hard to find or point back to Joint Hons.

But rushing into something has a high risk of backfiring, with the tuition fees loan clock ticking.

It doesn't sound like he wants Oxbridge so don't let the school bully him into it. You have to be really focused. Offer to take him to a couple of open days maybe 1 campus 1 city just to get a feel for it. A gap year would be good and if he can apply with grades in hand when he has a better idea so no need to pick one so early and then worry about deferring.

Does The school want his entire form submitted ( including uni choices) or just to create his Hub and start his application?
If they want all the choices in, push back as that is completely unreasonable. Many open days haven’t even occurred yet. Schools will have an internal deadline but it is normally in the autumn term at some point.

Take him to open days that is the best thing you can do for him.

Loans don’t get released until they start the course.

Has he considered a STEM course with a year abroad?