How is your dc’s mental health? Are they very robust, easy going, sociable, makes friends easily, or is there potential for them to struggle a bit? Are they ND at all? I only ask as distance may be quite important if there is a possibility they may struggle. Being 8 hours away is quite a difficulty, if they need a bit of informal support at times, whereas if it’s only a hour or two journey, then possible for parents / family to pop over for lunch, or for the day, which may just be the thing that keeps them going through difficult periods.
If he / you have done all due diligence, looking at modules / research specialisms / course work & group work / ranking / student feedback on how academics support students, and % of students in employment after 15 months plus other things… then there are just a few other things to consider before he flips a coin!
- does dc know anyone else that is going to any of these places? (That can sometimes help with the early transition)
- cost of accommodation - this can be a major consideration - just checked on dc1’s hall of residence that he was in in 2023 - it has gone up to £12k per year from £9k, just three years ago.
- availability of accommodation - I heard a couple of years ago about students at Bristol being allocated halls in Wales, and having to have a lengthy bus journey each day - is this true, or is it still happening?
- Some unis are more flexible than others (how do the three compare, if grades slip a bit?). I know it sounds unlikely, but there is a possibility that not all goes according to plan and he may end up with AstarAstarB for instance - would Durham and York be flexible enough to accept this? If not, then he is in clearing. (My dc1 was predicted AstarAA, but ended up with AAA (which was what he needed) BUT was only just inside the ‘A’ threshold on all three - so could extremely easily have got a B… and he had been working extremely hard in the run-up to exams…).
If all is truly equal after extensive due diligence - then tell him you will flip a coin for the Firm (between Durham and York), and tell him he has to commit to whatever the answer is.
Then flip a coin.
Then immediately ask him how he feels about it - as that immediate gut reaction (of joy or disappointment) can actually tease out their true feelings (and it probably feels like such a big decision that he cannot bring himself to make the decision)..
If his immediate reaction is joy - then go for it.
If it is disappointment - then he should go for the other one!